The Pit
Madness or justice ?41 total reviews
Comment from Tricia
What a story. It made me sick, but not for the promoter, for the dogs. I'm a dog lover, I have four that are my children. They always come first and I can not even imagine hurting their feelings, let alone hurting them in anyway. Wonderful writing and wonderful story
reply by the author on 11-May-2009
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What a story. It made me sick, but not for the promoter, for the dogs. I'm a dog lover, I have four that are my children. They always come first and I can not even imagine hurting their feelings, let alone hurting them in anyway. Wonderful writing and wonderful story
Comment Written 30-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 11-May-2009
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Sorry it took me so long to reply, Tricia - I've been offline for "awhile".
My dogs are my kids, too. We currently have nine - ranging in age from 6 months to 14 years and weighing between 45 and 150 pounds. We got involved in dog rescue after we lost our hybrid, Kimba, in 2001. During the five years that we spent looking for her, we learned about the horrible over-population problem with companion animals, as well as the illegal pit fighting that goes on in many parts of the country. A reoccurring nightmare that I had after Kim disappeared was that someone was using her as either a bait-dog or a fighter in a pit ring.
When I saw this contest (a gory horror story), I decided maybe I could exorcise some demons by writing about a suitable end to someone who promotes this type of cruelty.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting on the work.
Have a great week - sherry
Comment from deekfull of suspense
Excellent. This was raw, but I felt like I was right there watching this. Loved it!!! At first I was not sure why cassie would br watching this again, but as the story unfolded all the pieces came together which then led to chills up my spine as I read the conclusion. And you know whart, I didn't feel the least bit sorry for this guy. He deserved what was dished out. Great writing!!!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2009
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Excellent. This was raw, but I felt like I was right there watching this. Loved it!!! At first I was not sure why cassie would br watching this again, but as the story unfolded all the pieces came together which then led to chills up my spine as I read the conclusion. And you know whart, I didn't feel the least bit sorry for this guy. He deserved what was dished out. Great writing!!!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2009
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on my story. Your kind words of encouragement are appreciated.
glad you liked it - sherry
Comment from tyler.listening
Wow. Definitely an interesting piece. I actually have never read anything involving pit fighting, so it was a change of pace, for sure. I liked it. Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Wow. Definitely an interesting piece. I actually have never read anything involving pit fighting, so it was a change of pace, for sure. I liked it. Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my story.
have a great week - sherry
Comment from DeboraDyess
An excellent, horrible tale. Gave you the six even though you are my sister, not because you are. Couldn't tell what the picture was ... sure that didn't come up with any one else. Great job, good luck, you nailed this one. Deb
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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An excellent, horrible tale. Gave you the six even though you are my sister, not because you are. Couldn't tell what the picture was ... sure that didn't come up with any one else. Great job, good luck, you nailed this one. Deb
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Thanks Deb.
Talk to ya later - s
Comment from MJMuraco
I had trouble reading this as I am a dog lover. The violence and gore were hard to take. How can anyone enjoy watching this? You did a great job with this because you were very descriptive and created the scene as awful as it is. Good work on your writing about something we all think is violent and terrible.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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I had trouble reading this as I am a dog lover. The violence and gore were hard to take. How can anyone enjoy watching this? You did a great job with this because you were very descriptive and created the scene as awful as it is. Good work on your writing about something we all think is violent and terrible.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review this story. I am sure that it is was hard to read - I know that it was hard to write. My husband & I got into dog rescue after losing a wolf-hybrid in 2001. This was one of my constant nightmares after she was lost, that she was used in a pit fight. I will never know, but have to hope she met a better fate. This was an attempt to exorcise some demons. Again, thanks for reading.
sherry
Comment from The Winter Bard
This one disturbing horror story. Your attention to every conceivable, bloody detail really makes it come alive. It's a great sign that the story is working when you're simultaneously repulsed and unable to stop reading. Truly excellent work!
Ryan ;)
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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This one disturbing horror story. Your attention to every conceivable, bloody detail really makes it come alive. It's a great sign that the story is working when you're simultaneously repulsed and unable to stop reading. Truly excellent work!
Ryan ;)
Comment Written 11-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Ryan - thanks so much for taking the time to read and review my story. And thank you, thank you for the six.
hope you have a great week - sherry
Comment from adewpearl
Wow, talk about the ultimate revenge - this is gory and tragic - that human beings actually do this to animals - not just in stories but for real - makes me despair of what humanity is capable of.
I could see every second of the footage being described from your vivid details - and it was difficult to keep reading because I was close to tears the entire time. When that poor hybrid wolf/dog empties her bladder and keeps fighting even when so injured - and then the bastard shoots her - I was shuddering with anger. This is an exceptionally well-written story and ought to do extremely well in the contest. Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Wow, talk about the ultimate revenge - this is gory and tragic - that human beings actually do this to animals - not just in stories but for real - makes me despair of what humanity is capable of.
I could see every second of the footage being described from your vivid details - and it was difficult to keep reading because I was close to tears the entire time. When that poor hybrid wolf/dog empties her bladder and keeps fighting even when so injured - and then the bastard shoots her - I was shuddering with anger. This is an exceptionally well-written story and ought to do extremely well in the contest. Brooke
Comment Written 11-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2009
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Evening Brooke - thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story. I get on a soap-box at times with my articles, but it seems the short stories that result from my nightmares make more of an impression that the factual pieces. Go figure ... It still makes people think, though, and that's the important thing, I guess.
again, thanks for reading - sherry
Comment from Undaunted
yuck. the imagery put forth certainly met the requirements. what a grisly end....it seems that people who enjoy that type of "entertainment" are a little insane, much like the lead character displayed at the end. the pacing was very good in the story and you described the pit fighting very well with the dogs and the hybrid. i don't really have any nits and didn't notice any spag. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2009
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yuck. the imagery put forth certainly met the requirements. what a grisly end....it seems that people who enjoy that type of "entertainment" are a little insane, much like the lead character displayed at the end. the pacing was very good in the story and you described the pit fighting very well with the dogs and the hybrid. i don't really have any nits and didn't notice any spag. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2009
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Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story.
have a great week - sherry
Comment from c_lucas
This is a very well written story that holds the reader's attention. Unfortunately, violence attract readers as it does spectators in real life. Very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck with your contest.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2009
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This is a very well written story that holds the reader's attention. Unfortunately, violence attract readers as it does spectators in real life. Very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck with your contest.
Comment Written 11-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2009
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Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment on my story.
have a great week - sherry
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You're welcome and a pleasant week to you, too.
Comment from mortman
I am definitely conflicted with my rating as I changed my mind between a 4 and a 5 several times. I almost hate to give you a 4 because I thought the story was exceptional, and I thought the way you engaged the reader's emotions was first rate.
I understood the italics = film narrative fairly quickly, and I thought it worked well. But I did have a few technical issues. People may disagree with me, but I don't think brackets should be used in fiction, only in non-fiction. I wasn't sure why you used them in the 2nd paragraph. I think I understand why in the 3rd, but again I didn't think it was necessary. It also occured to me that there might be a more clever way to reveal that a camera was hidden in the cowboy's hat. Maybe this doesn't even need to be said so early in the story as it's revealed later on.
The story starts by referring to "a man" moving to the railing that happened to be wearing a cowboy hat. In the next paragraph, the dog's owner turned from the ring in disgust. Because no other character had been introduced at that time, I thought it was the man with the cowboy hat so was then confused with the next line because now "the man" was being referred to as a "cowboy".
The (non-italic) part of the story is written in Cassandra's POV. Therefore I found it a little awkward that in one sentence she was wondering at the lack of reaction from her fellow viewer, and in the next it was said that if she was hoping for a reaction, she was dissappointed. The two sentences don't appear to be consistent as the first one already has her hoping for a reaction.
I thought the way you gave the hybrid dog a character of his own was an excellent piece of writing. I also thought your fight scenes were described very well.
I thought the pit bull's name of "Fast and Furious was a little confusing as you had just explained how fast the wolf could move. As a result, for a few sentences, I thought Fast and Furious was referring to the wolf. Also, the spectator's dialogue came off as a little off. I wasn't sure why he'd grimace before saying "Come on" Plus when this is written as "common" I had to re-read this a few times to work out it wasn't actually the word "common" he was saying, but "come on". Also, in terms of the dialogue "Fur'ous - I'm unna lose a hundert dolla's on this here fight" sounded a little funny. I didn't think "unna" or "hundert" sounded right as shortened dialect, but this could just be me.
The only other comment I had was that I thought the pace slowed too much after she turned off the film. Maybe too much explanation and background of how she'd gotten to where she was, with the man tied up in a chair.
But I loved your ending and didn't see it coming until she pulled the knife out. As I said earlier, I remain conflicted with my rating as I thought you did a very good job with so much of this story. I believe that just a little work is needed for it to be truly exceptional. You have a great deal of talent, and I wish you well in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2009
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I am definitely conflicted with my rating as I changed my mind between a 4 and a 5 several times. I almost hate to give you a 4 because I thought the story was exceptional, and I thought the way you engaged the reader's emotions was first rate.
I understood the italics = film narrative fairly quickly, and I thought it worked well. But I did have a few technical issues. People may disagree with me, but I don't think brackets should be used in fiction, only in non-fiction. I wasn't sure why you used them in the 2nd paragraph. I think I understand why in the 3rd, but again I didn't think it was necessary. It also occured to me that there might be a more clever way to reveal that a camera was hidden in the cowboy's hat. Maybe this doesn't even need to be said so early in the story as it's revealed later on.
The story starts by referring to "a man" moving to the railing that happened to be wearing a cowboy hat. In the next paragraph, the dog's owner turned from the ring in disgust. Because no other character had been introduced at that time, I thought it was the man with the cowboy hat so was then confused with the next line because now "the man" was being referred to as a "cowboy".
The (non-italic) part of the story is written in Cassandra's POV. Therefore I found it a little awkward that in one sentence she was wondering at the lack of reaction from her fellow viewer, and in the next it was said that if she was hoping for a reaction, she was dissappointed. The two sentences don't appear to be consistent as the first one already has her hoping for a reaction.
I thought the way you gave the hybrid dog a character of his own was an excellent piece of writing. I also thought your fight scenes were described very well.
I thought the pit bull's name of "Fast and Furious was a little confusing as you had just explained how fast the wolf could move. As a result, for a few sentences, I thought Fast and Furious was referring to the wolf. Also, the spectator's dialogue came off as a little off. I wasn't sure why he'd grimace before saying "Come on" Plus when this is written as "common" I had to re-read this a few times to work out it wasn't actually the word "common" he was saying, but "come on". Also, in terms of the dialogue "Fur'ous - I'm unna lose a hundert dolla's on this here fight" sounded a little funny. I didn't think "unna" or "hundert" sounded right as shortened dialect, but this could just be me.
The only other comment I had was that I thought the pace slowed too much after she turned off the film. Maybe too much explanation and background of how she'd gotten to where she was, with the man tied up in a chair.
But I loved your ending and didn't see it coming until she pulled the knife out. As I said earlier, I remain conflicted with my rating as I thought you did a very good job with so much of this story. I believe that just a little work is needed for it to be truly exceptional. You have a great deal of talent, and I wish you well in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2009
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2009
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Hi MM - Thanks for taking the time to read and review my story. You brought to my attention a few things that I needed to work on/clarify and I appreciate it more than you can know. The brackets were actually put in just before you read this (they've been removed now) because I couldn't figure out anything else to do with those sentences. I was attempting to separate what you could actually see on the film from the action of the man taking the film, but obviously it didn't work for you (or one of my other readers either), so they're gone again.
Some of the other issues I believe I have clarified (Cassie wanting, but not getting, a reaction for the man in the chair, Fast & Furious is now just Furious, and the confusion between the dog owner and the cowboy taking the film).
The dialogue I can't do much about. This was all pretty much taken from conversations a overheard at a back-country diner (not going to tell you where - don't want to insult potential voters from that state, LOL). I did clarify the spelling of "come on". That WAS a typo on my part.
I am glad that I was able to throw you a loop with the ending - that's always a winner in my book.
Again - thank you so much for your suggestions and I hope you'll stop by my portfolio and read some of my other works. If you liked The Pit, you might also like The Road Gods (it's a story/poem, and a very quick read).
Have a great week - sherry
