Dance of Death
Salome dances the dance of Seven Veils19 total reviews
Comment from DecrepitOldBag
Oh boy. Women and their wiles! Somehow, wicked women are always worse than wicked men - I guess we kind of expect men to be a bit wicked (even the nice ones!).
Very well written, Beth. It certainly caught and held my interest, even though I'm not a religious person, as you know.
Good luck in the contest.
Warmest wishes
Kat
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
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Oh boy. Women and their wiles! Somehow, wicked women are always worse than wicked men - I guess we kind of expect men to be a bit wicked (even the nice ones!).
Very well written, Beth. It certainly caught and held my interest, even though I'm not a religious person, as you know.
Good luck in the contest.
Warmest wishes
Kat
Comment Written 02-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2009
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Thank Kat, You don't have to be religious to find some of the stories in the Bible interesting. I once took a course in Bible as literature. I think the teacher was an athetist but he found the stories worthwhile reading.
I'm glad int held your intereste. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Comment from WRITER1
far? for I guess she got what she wanted. I would have went for the gold, diamonds or land. But that's me. A head on a platter isn't my style.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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far? for I guess she got what she wanted. I would have went for the gold, diamonds or land. But that's me. A head on a platter isn't my style.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Not my style either but those days, I think you had to go along with what mama wanted and she wanted the man dead.
THanks for reviewing and the comments.
Beth
Comment from pixiemillie
Not so loosely based, Beth- -a perfect re-telling of that 'dance before the king'- -and old Herodius- -so jealous, so afraid of losing what she had in Herod's kingdom, saw this request as the only solution to having her way. Reminds me of an old Bible School Song- -not from my school but one sung to me by a 'hillbilly' friend.
Salome was a dancer
She danced before the king
the clothes she wore
Didn't amount to anything
When the music started
Salome danced without a fear
And when she dropped her veils
Herod hit the chandelier
Oh, young folks old folks
Everybody come
To the mountain Sunday School
Have alot of fun
Please leave your rifles
And your razors at the door
I'll tell you a Bible story
Like you've never heard before
There are many verses, but this is the only one I remember.
Don't want to mess with this well-executed write, but couldn't help- myself.
NOTE:" ... but realizing her mother (would) was adamant ... "
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Not so loosely based, Beth- -a perfect re-telling of that 'dance before the king'- -and old Herodius- -so jealous, so afraid of losing what she had in Herod's kingdom, saw this request as the only solution to having her way. Reminds me of an old Bible School Song- -not from my school but one sung to me by a 'hillbilly' friend.
Salome was a dancer
She danced before the king
the clothes she wore
Didn't amount to anything
When the music started
Salome danced without a fear
And when she dropped her veils
Herod hit the chandelier
Oh, young folks old folks
Everybody come
To the mountain Sunday School
Have alot of fun
Please leave your rifles
And your razors at the door
I'll tell you a Bible story
Like you've never heard before
There are many verses, but this is the only one I remember.
Don't want to mess with this well-executed write, but couldn't help- myself.
NOTE:" ... but realizing her mother (would) was adamant ... "
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Thanks Pixie, I guess I stole the plot but I tried to flesh in out some. LOL That song you shared is hilarious. I've never heard it before.
Beth
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Interesting use of the Biblical story. I would guess that you have actually got it pretty close to the real event and without the "reporters bias" the Gospel has on this tale. There is no doubt at all that Herodias was some schemer, but history tells us she didn't do too well out of it in the end. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Interesting use of the Biblical story. I would guess that you have actually got it pretty close to the real event and without the "reporters bias" the Gospel has on this tale. There is no doubt at all that Herodias was some schemer, but history tells us she didn't do too well out of it in the end. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Thank you Patrick for the review and comments. I think the overall plot is pretty close. I don't remember hearing what happened to Herodias, but I'm glad it didn't work out for her.
Beth
Comment from adewpearl
Beth, this is an interesting retelling of the Bible story with good dialogue and descriptive detail. I have not read the story in a while but it seems close in plot to what I remember so I'm not sure what you were trying to do other than put this in your own words? Brooke
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Beth, this is an interesting retelling of the Bible story with good dialogue and descriptive detail. I have not read the story in a while but it seems close in plot to what I remember so I'm not sure what you were trying to do other than put this in your own words? Brooke
Comment Written 01-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2009
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Thanks for the review Boooke, The plot is the same. I just couldn't seem to think of anything else to go with dance and I had reserved a spot in that contest. Since we really don't know the details of the story, I decided to tell my version of it.
Comment from Begin Again
Beth
You have done an excellent job of writing a flash fiction about John the Baptist. Living in that period of time and believing in our Lord was definitely dangerous to one's health and well being. I often wonder if Jesus walked our streets now how people would react to him. WEll done.
Carol
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Beth
You have done an excellent job of writing a flash fiction about John the Baptist. Living in that period of time and believing in our Lord was definitely dangerous to one's health and well being. I often wonder if Jesus walked our streets now how people would react to him. WEll done.
Carol
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Thank you so much Carol, It might be as bad now as it was then. Jesus would probably be branded as a kook. I appreciate your nice comments.
Comment from Telperion
Wonderful imagery at the beginning. It even put music into my ears.
The reason for Herodias hatred towards John sounds too thin to lead to the described end. Especially as she is already the king's wife. Maybe another reason would make the story more consistent - like for instance John could call her a "whore" for marrying with her husband's brother.
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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Wonderful imagery at the beginning. It even put music into my ears.
The reason for Herodias hatred towards John sounds too thin to lead to the described end. Especially as she is already the king's wife. Maybe another reason would make the story more consistent - like for instance John could call her a "whore" for marrying with her husband's brother.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review and suggestions. I guess I could make that a bit stronger because in essence, that was probably what John meant or else Herodias was afraid the king would divorce her because of what John said.
Comment from lola29
You did a great job telling this great story. Isn't is amazing what men will do for a beautiful woman, but I believe it was predestined to happen.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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You did a great job telling this great story. Isn't is amazing what men will do for a beautiful woman, but I believe it was predestined to happen.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Thank you for the review and for your comments. John had finished the work God had for him to do. He had already said that he would decrease and that Jesus would increase. It was time for him to take his rest.
Beth
Comment from Brendajay
Your writing is clear and easy to read. Your characters are strong. I like how you incorporated their descriptions into the action. This story is taken directly from the bible, though I can't remember off hand the fate of John the Baptist. Except for a few grammatical mistakes, very good. I wish you luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Your writing is clear and easy to read. Your characters are strong. I like how you incorporated their descriptions into the action. This story is taken directly from the bible, though I can't remember off hand the fate of John the Baptist. Except for a few grammatical mistakes, very good. I wish you luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2009
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Thanks for the review and the nice comments. Yes it is based on the Bible story. I have put that in my author's notes. Please feel free to point out mistakes as you see them. Someone will give me a bad rating if I don't fix them. I'll go back over it.
Beth
