Surprise!
It's my party.......28 total reviews
Comment from wierdgrace
What an excellent story, so much suspense, and emotions, the wording, the characters, the diolouge, I loved, it says so much, and makes you read to the end, and a great ending. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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What an excellent story, so much suspense, and emotions, the wording, the characters, the diolouge, I loved, it says so much, and makes you read to the end, and a great ending. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Wierdgrace
As usual, I am thrilled with your review. I am glad you enjoyed the story and I most certainly appreciate your kind comments. Smiles to you
Comment from sibhus
Good story the tension and the suspense was so thcik you could cut it with a knife and it definately held my attention. The details and descriptions were excellent, they really put the reader into the story and help the overall eerie feel to the story. I was just a little disappointed, as you left us in the dark as to what killed Johnny. Overall a good story.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Good story the tension and the suspense was so thcik you could cut it with a knife and it definately held my attention. The details and descriptions were excellent, they really put the reader into the story and help the overall eerie feel to the story. I was just a little disappointed, as you left us in the dark as to what killed Johnny. Overall a good story.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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sibhus
I'm confused...He used Judy to lure Lisa to the house and then he killed her (a bi-product of his psychotic ways) Is that what you were asking me? Thanks for the terrific review and for enjoying the story. Carol
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Oops..I hit save and realized I signed it out of habit...Sorry!
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I wasn't quite sure if Johnny had dropped over with a heart attack or if something else had caused his death.
Comment from miss joyce
You had me from the start, the scene set up was great but, I was a little let down as the confrontaion with the husband lost some dramatic element. But, overall, I would vote for it again. I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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You had me from the start, the scene set up was great but, I was a little let down as the confrontaion with the husband lost some dramatic element. But, overall, I would vote for it again. I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Miss joyce
Once it was either he pulled the trigger and she died or something had to happen to him..I was a little at a lost where I should go. Glad you enjoyed it though. Thanks...
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I haven't developed as a reviewer, and so I certainly fall short in stating my feelings and thoughts, but know if I could, you would be proud.......
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You had me from the start. Not a problem with the outcome, I just wished for more.
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We all have ways to learn and grow including me and endings that don't quite meet expectations... Regardless, I am thrilled that you took the time to read and find promise in my story...the voting is good too! haha
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I absolutly love the readings. I'm happy to be in the fanstory community.
Comment from WRITER1
This is another story of complete twist. I would have never have expected him to die of a heart attack while trying to kill his soon to be ex.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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This is another story of complete twist. I would have never have expected him to die of a heart attack while trying to kill his soon to be ex.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Joy
Some have said the ending was flat...Didn't know where else to go..pull the trigger and she dies or something happens to him. Glad it was a surprise to you. Smiles...
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Donna
Comment from fionageorge
This is a well written story, with lots of suspense, keeping the reader on the edge, not knowing what to expect. My heart pounded as I lived every step with Lisa. I knew there would be a dramatic finale, and I did suspect her ex was involved. However, the heart attack comes at a very opportune moment.
I have a couple of observations:
Tiny goose bumps covered her arms as [either 'and' or comma after arms, and remove 'as'. You have 'as' twice in the one sentence, which doesn't quite read right] a chill ran down her spine as she realized how quiet it was.
Recognizing a fireplace poker lying on the floor, she scrambled toward [it?], slightly relieved.
Great entry into this contest.
Good luck and warmest regards
Marijke
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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This is a well written story, with lots of suspense, keeping the reader on the edge, not knowing what to expect. My heart pounded as I lived every step with Lisa. I knew there would be a dramatic finale, and I did suspect her ex was involved. However, the heart attack comes at a very opportune moment.
I have a couple of observations:
Tiny goose bumps covered her arms as [either 'and' or comma after arms, and remove 'as'. You have 'as' twice in the one sentence, which doesn't quite read right] a chill ran down her spine as she realized how quiet it was.
Recognizing a fireplace poker lying on the floor, she scrambled toward [it?], slightly relieved.
Great entry into this contest.
Good luck and warmest regards
Marijke
Comment Written 07-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Marijke
Thanks so much for catching those little mess=ups of mine. I fixed them asap and came right back to smile at you and thank you for the kind review. Always enjoy hearing from you, my friend. Smiles......
Comment from ZigzagMLT
Not bad. I did not understand why she did not run out to her car and drive to where she could call for help... her friend was already dead, right?
One note: brunette
You managed to tie up all the loose ends in short order. Well done. Well written other than that. A humorous ending to boot.
Good luck in the contest.
Zigzagmlt
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Not bad. I did not understand why she did not run out to her car and drive to where she could call for help... her friend was already dead, right?
One note: brunette
You managed to tie up all the loose ends in short order. Well done. Well written other than that. A humorous ending to boot.
Good luck in the contest.
Zigzagmlt
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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ZigZag...I think you missed part of the story...She tried the back door and it wouldn't open...The great room's door wouldn't open either and the windows were boarded up. With all the trees and darkness, she failed to notice.
Thanks for reading and the review. Appreciate your thoughts. CArol
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Thanks! Guess I missed that detail. I thought she had tried another door, not the one through which she had come. Sorry! Z
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Z
Our eyes become weary and our brains foggy after reading one right after another..so easy to slip past a few words...Smiles
Comment from Rama Rao
The story held me riveted to it. It had enough horror and mystery.
However, it is not clear how the limp and lifeless body of Judy came alive later to kill Johnny.
It was hard to believe.
Was it wine or ... it couldn't be blood ... or could it?
This obviously was Johnny's thought. It could have been put in italics.
Do pine trees obstruct radio signals? I wonder.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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The story held me riveted to it. It had enough horror and mystery.
However, it is not clear how the limp and lifeless body of Judy came alive later to kill Johnny.
It was hard to believe.
Was it wine or ... it couldn't be blood ... or could it?
This obviously was Johnny's thought. It could have been put in italics.
Do pine trees obstruct radio signals? I wonder.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Ramarao
I think you missed something in the story. Judy was dead and remained dead. It was Lisa tiptoeing around the body and down the hallway. As for the pine trees...Yes, traveling in northern Minnesota I constantly lost signals. Matter of fact, in the summer time my parents live in the country, along the river, and often unless we walk to the end of the driveway...we get no reception.
With this knowledge maybe you could take another look at the story...Appreciate your time as always...Smiles
Comment from Paula1173
This was very enjoyable. I liked the title and the twist at the end. The husband killer was a bit cliche but none the less it was still good.
Good luck in the contest.
paula
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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This was very enjoyable. I liked the title and the twist at the end. The husband killer was a bit cliche but none the less it was still good.
Good luck in the contest.
paula
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2010
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Paula
I guess there are just so many endings to the same tyype of story...but I am glad that you read it and I appreciate your kind thoughts. Smiles
Comment from adewpearl
Well, that was one tense and suspenseful interpretation of the contest's opening sentence - excellent twists at the end.
The emotion runs high, which kept me engaged during each terrifying new development. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Well, that was one tense and suspenseful interpretation of the contest's opening sentence - excellent twists at the end.
The emotion runs high, which kept me engaged during each terrifying new development. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Brooke
As usual, I am thrilled that you enjoyed the story and that it kept you spellbound until the end. Thank you for your kind review and comments. Smiles
Comment from Queenise
Surprise is the right title of this writing and after reading it I truly understand why. Filled with intrigue,mystery,craziness and lots of surprise. You made good use of the contest rule. Violence and drama is so real and life like. Good luck. Queenise
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Surprise is the right title of this writing and after reading it I truly understand why. Filled with intrigue,mystery,craziness and lots of surprise. You made good use of the contest rule. Violence and drama is so real and life like. Good luck. Queenise
Comment Written 06-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Queenise
So glad you enjoyed this story as well. Appreciated your comments. Smiles to you
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Blessings. My pleasure. Queenise
