All for Love
A young boys journey to get his father's attention16 total reviews
Comment from Charlene0513
To Judith Ann,
A story about blind faith when it comes to acknowledging whereor not the love truly exists.
You have a good scenario of events with a nice even flow to the end.
Errors were:
1)....will go home when I am sure he (has) noticed ["I"-omit] my absence; when he starts to worry about me."
2)...you know ["that"-omit] you are going to be in big trouble when you do return, don't you?"
3)...."I am going to need you to help me a little bit(.)"
4)Maybe you need to start thinking things [through] a bit before....
5)He knew ["that"-omit] his father would be awake, sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee.
Charlene
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reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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To Judith Ann,
A story about blind faith when it comes to acknowledging whereor not the love truly exists.
You have a good scenario of events with a nice even flow to the end.
Errors were:
1)....will go home when I am sure he (has) noticed ["I"-omit] my absence; when he starts to worry about me."
2)...you know ["that"-omit] you are going to be in big trouble when you do return, don't you?"
3)...."I am going to need you to help me a little bit(.)"
4)Maybe you need to start thinking things [through] a bit before....
5)He knew ["that"-omit] his father would be awake, sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee.
Charlene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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Thanks for the review and the edit tips. I will take a look at them. -Judy
Comment from Sandollar
Great story. You answered the challenge very well. Mark's character would give anyone pause. He seems in need of a little counseling. People go through great lengths to impress or get a reaction from those they love and admire. Excellent writing that kept my interest up all the way through. Good luck with the contest. Thanks for entering.
Sandollar
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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Great story. You answered the challenge very well. Mark's character would give anyone pause. He seems in need of a little counseling. People go through great lengths to impress or get a reaction from those they love and admire. Excellent writing that kept my interest up all the way through. Good luck with the contest. Thanks for entering.
Sandollar
Comment Written 27-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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Thank you for this review and the excellent rating. I appreciate the time you took to read this. -Judy
Comment from hfriscia
This is a good story to read...The characters are good and dialogue helps bring the characters to life...The flow of story good, not to short or long...
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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This is a good story to read...The characters are good and dialogue helps bring the characters to life...The flow of story good, not to short or long...
Comment Written 27-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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Thanks for this review. -Judy
Comment from lola29
What an awful father. I can't believe he didn't even attemtp to look for his son. Poor Mark. I can't believe he had to go to such extremes to feel an inkling of love.
This is a great entry.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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What an awful father. I can't believe he didn't even attemtp to look for his son. Poor Mark. I can't believe he had to go to such extremes to feel an inkling of love.
This is a great entry.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2010
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your words. -Judy
Comment from Katiesherrill
Great job. I caught a few possible typos...
"things though (through) a bit before you run off half-cocked."
"right cross." Is this correct or could it say "right hook"
Great job on this. I like the way you wrapped it up it should make the reader want more yet give enough closure. This one is a keeper for sure for your book.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2010
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Great job. I caught a few possible typos...
"things though (through) a bit before you run off half-cocked."
"right cross." Is this correct or could it say "right hook"
Great job on this. I like the way you wrapped it up it should make the reader want more yet give enough closure. This one is a keeper for sure for your book.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2010
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Thank you, I made the corrections. I am glad you liked this. I have had one other review so far and they liked it. We will see. - Judy (still cute)
Comment from Treasuregirl
Mark seems to have gone to extreme lengths to get his father to notice him. The treehouse would have seemed a good notion at the time, but of course he couldn't very well go home again without a good excuse. As his friend pointed out it would have been better if he had thought it out first. His method of getting back home in the end was rather drastic but did prove to be a good one in the sense there were no recriminations. Just a pity his father hadn't shown a little more affection in the first place as it is surprising to what lengths a child will go to get affection. Well done.
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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2010
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Mark seems to have gone to extreme lengths to get his father to notice him. The treehouse would have seemed a good notion at the time, but of course he couldn't very well go home again without a good excuse. As his friend pointed out it would have been better if he had thought it out first. His method of getting back home in the end was rather drastic but did prove to be a good one in the sense there were no recriminations. Just a pity his father hadn't shown a little more affection in the first place as it is surprising to what lengths a child will go to get affection. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review. The five star rating has me smiling. -Judy