Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Riding to forget,"A book of Poetry & Writing
121 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
The honest truth is, I have never read a western poem before. I liked it. I can see the lonly cowboy riding into the storm, pondering his life and marraiage. You painted a fine picture with your words. One nit.
He feed's (feeds) the steers by daybreak and rides the fence line around,
hugs book
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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The honest truth is, I have never read a western poem before. I liked it. I can see the lonly cowboy riding into the storm, pondering his life and marraiage. You painted a fine picture with your words. One nit.
He feed's (feeds) the steers by daybreak and rides the fence line around,
hugs book
Comment Written 25-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review and comment book
Comment from E.P. Thomas
DW,
A heartrending poem about loneliless, loss, and partial reparartion.
I noticed the syllable count of your lines remained pretty consistent at between 13-15.
Even with correction, my eyes are becoming problematic, so I cdn't tell whether the markings at the end of some of your sentences were commas or periods. I think it may also have been a font-related issue.
The truncation of a few sentences, made the lines read a bit awkwardly. For example,
"People are like critters; (they) just come and go each day."
Fragment sentences also confused matters. For example,
"Knowing, Coffee and friends are waiting to help him through this storm."
thats (that is) shd be "that has"
There was shift from present to past tense in several lines.
life's story
section that was down
truncated sentences
Thanks.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2010
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DW,
A heartrending poem about loneliless, loss, and partial reparartion.
I noticed the syllable count of your lines remained pretty consistent at between 13-15.
Even with correction, my eyes are becoming problematic, so I cdn't tell whether the markings at the end of some of your sentences were commas or periods. I think it may also have been a font-related issue.
The truncation of a few sentences, made the lines read a bit awkwardly. For example,
"People are like critters; (they) just come and go each day."
Fragment sentences also confused matters. For example,
"Knowing, Coffee and friends are waiting to help him through this storm."
thats (that is) shd be "that has"
There was shift from present to past tense in several lines.
life's story
section that was down
truncated sentences
Thanks.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2010
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thanks E P
Comment from rivki1111
Hello, I really liked the picture you paint with your words, here. Good story poem. I'm a horse fan, I have been around horses since a girl. Nothing is as nice as that early morning canter.
Loved this poem, and thought it worthy of a five star rating, cheers, rebekah
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Hello, I really liked the picture you paint with your words, here. Good story poem. I'm a horse fan, I have been around horses since a girl. Nothing is as nice as that early morning canter.
Loved this poem, and thought it worthy of a five star rating, cheers, rebekah
Comment Written 24-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you for your review
Comment from l.conley
Yes good job. I could feel this cowboys loneliness and heart broke. Even though you don't say much about his wife you can even feel her pain and anger of loneliness as well. Writing is outstanding and flowed great.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Yes good job. I could feel this cowboys loneliness and heart broke. Even though you don't say much about his wife you can even feel her pain and anger of loneliness as well. Writing is outstanding and flowed great.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you
Comment from gramalot8
deepwater, this is a very well written story/poem about the life of a cowboy. I lived in a small town in Idaho with a lot of cowboys and I can see them all in this poem. I can also relate to the woman, as I moved from a thriving metropolis to the wide open countryside. But, I ended up loving it. Too bad this cowboy didn't have the same lady luck. Good job.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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deepwater, this is a very well written story/poem about the life of a cowboy. I lived in a small town in Idaho with a lot of cowboys and I can see them all in this poem. I can also relate to the woman, as I moved from a thriving metropolis to the wide open countryside. But, I ended up loving it. Too bad this cowboy didn't have the same lady luck. Good job.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review gram
Comment from Maria C.
Hi Deepwater,
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It tells a good, though sad story. Great imagery and presentation. Go back and look. There are a few errors, but nothing to keep from giving you and excellent rating.
Blessings,
Maria C.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Hi Deepwater,
I really enjoyed reading your poem. It tells a good, though sad story. Great imagery and presentation. Go back and look. There are a few errors, but nothing to keep from giving you and excellent rating.
Blessings,
Maria C.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you maria
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Hello Peot cowboy and such a sad, sad, poem. I suppose it is true of a lot of cow-pokes, right. Anyways, a good read, I enjoyed, Loyd
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Hello Peot cowboy and such a sad, sad, poem. I suppose it is true of a lot of cow-pokes, right. Anyways, a good read, I enjoyed, Loyd
Comment Written 24-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you Loyd for the review
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You are welcome, LOyd
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello deepwater Excellent
You put me right in the saddle of the poem/story about your cowboy.
A few times I had to stop and ponder on how sad and lonely the cowpoke felt.
Gert
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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Hello deepwater Excellent
You put me right in the saddle of the poem/story about your cowboy.
A few times I had to stop and ponder on how sad and lonely the cowpoke felt.
Gert
Comment Written 24-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review Gert
Comment from Just2Write
the well thats [that's] come up dry
He feed's [feeds] the steers
This cowboys [cowboy's] heart
leave that very next day,= [leae that very day - or - leave the very next next day]
Knowing, Coffee and friends (Unless coffe is a person's name, it should not be capitalized. If Coffee is a person, then this line is okay)
A cowboy's life is a tough one, unless of course you understand and love living with steers, horses and the land. Once that lifestyle is in one's blood, there is no cure. The best a cowboy can hope for is to find a gal that loves the life as much as he does. Rose.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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the well thats [that's] come up dry
He feed's [feeds] the steers
This cowboys [cowboy's] heart
leave that very next day,= [leae that very day - or - leave the very next next day]
Knowing, Coffee and friends (Unless coffe is a person's name, it should not be capitalized. If Coffee is a person, then this line is okay)
A cowboy's life is a tough one, unless of course you understand and love living with steers, horses and the land. Once that lifestyle is in one's blood, there is no cure. The best a cowboy can hope for is to find a gal that loves the life as much as he does. Rose.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you for the review Rose
Comment from Lynar
I enjoyed the clear, crisp imagery of the words you used to describe how you felt by the love of riding, the range.
In the saddle your thoughts were upon the ups and downs in life as, ( the tasks at hand and the wife about to walk out of your life). The life of a cowboy is what the wife did not clearly understand.
The rhyme sequence that was woven at the end lines did give a song lyric quality, from the heart. I would recommend to my friends, Chapter 8, Riding to Forget. No negative comments. Excellent.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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I enjoyed the clear, crisp imagery of the words you used to describe how you felt by the love of riding, the range.
In the saddle your thoughts were upon the ups and downs in life as, ( the tasks at hand and the wife about to walk out of your life). The life of a cowboy is what the wife did not clearly understand.
The rhyme sequence that was woven at the end lines did give a song lyric quality, from the heart. I would recommend to my friends, Chapter 8, Riding to Forget. No negative comments. Excellent.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2010
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thank you Lynar
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You're very welcome, deepwater
