Nobody Wanted Me
A tale narrated by the ghost of a little girl.28 total reviews
Comment from FredCollingwood
Your opening line grabbed me and the remainder of that paragraph hooked me. I had to read on. It's touching and it's got the creepy kind of horror that people are compelled to read. Excellent from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Your opening line grabbed me and the remainder of that paragraph hooked me. I had to read on. It's touching and it's got the creepy kind of horror that people are compelled to read. Excellent from beginning to end.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Fred, thank you so much for those lovely stars. The comments mean so much from a talented writer like you. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and rate this.
Beth
Comment from MumEsGirl
Powerful mind blowing writing. It is so well writtne from the child's perspective. Unfortunately I dont have a six for this writing.
The horrors inflicted on children is something that cannot but touch the hearts of most people.
Look forward to reading more of your work
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Powerful mind blowing writing. It is so well writtne from the child's perspective. Unfortunately I dont have a six for this writing.
The horrors inflicted on children is something that cannot but touch the hearts of most people.
Look forward to reading more of your work
hugs
kate
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the review and for thinking it worthy of a six. I am horified each time I hear of innocent children who suffer abuse at the hands of adults.
Beth
Comment from RKagan
Poor little girl. Awww, it makes me wish that I had enough money to take all of the unwanted children to live with me. I certainly have enough love. This story broke my heart. You wrote it well and using the childs point of view was an excellent choice.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Poor little girl. Awww, it makes me wish that I had enough money to take all of the unwanted children to live with me. I certainly have enough love. This story broke my heart. You wrote it well and using the childs point of view was an excellent choice.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this. This incident happened nearly forty years ago but it is something I'll never forget. You are a good person to want to care for all these unwanted children. It's too bad more of them don't have a mother like you.
Beth
Comment from hotstuff
Wow. what a strong impact this story has had on me. It is horrific, and when I read your Author notes and realised it was based on factual events, I was more horrified.
You write with feeling and empathy for this young child. Your story also highlights the need for everyone to look after children, even if this means becoming unpopular because of poking your nose into other people's business.
We all have a duty to protect children, and your story really does emphasize this for me. I wish I had a six star rating to give you.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Wow. what a strong impact this story has had on me. It is horrific, and when I read your Author notes and realised it was based on factual events, I was more horrified.
You write with feeling and empathy for this young child. Your story also highlights the need for everyone to look after children, even if this means becoming unpopular because of poking your nose into other people's business.
We all have a duty to protect children, and your story really does emphasize this for me. I wish I had a six star rating to give you.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and the insightful comments. I was horrified at the time this story was in the news and it has stayed with me a lot of years. You are so right. None of us should turn our backs when we become aware that some innocent child is being abused.
Beth
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a wonderful horror story that talked about a child nobody wanted and she ended up haunting the one who wanted her the least. i kept thinking about Hayleigh Cummings when i was reading this.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a wonderful horror story that talked about a child nobody wanted and she ended up haunting the one who wanted her the least. i kept thinking about Hayleigh Cummings when i was reading this.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much for the review and the comments. I really appreciate you reading this and giving your input. I didn't know who Haleigh Cummings was so I looked her up on the net and there are many simularities to her story. This one happened in the 70's. I'm sure there are more children who also have stories that are not so different.
Beth
Comment from amada
You did an splendid job in writing this story from the point of view of a lovely special little girl. The ending is very good. I didn't like that stepmother either!
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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You did an splendid job in writing this story from the point of view of a lovely special little girl. The ending is very good. I didn't like that stepmother either!
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you Amada, I really appreciate your review and nice comments.
Beth
Comment from Mountainstar2
Good luck on the contest entry...
Not usually my type of story to read and also review, but I am glad I did. This one just simply broke my heart. It's written very good but so sad to think of anyone doing this to a child. God only knows how many times this has happened since this old world began...
The wording content is good and so sad but written well. Interesting from start until the end. Blessings to you for putting this into print from the view of the little child.
MOuntainstar2..
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Good luck on the contest entry...
Not usually my type of story to read and also review, but I am glad I did. This one just simply broke my heart. It's written very good but so sad to think of anyone doing this to a child. God only knows how many times this has happened since this old world began...
The wording content is good and so sad but written well. Interesting from start until the end. Blessings to you for putting this into print from the view of the little child.
MOuntainstar2..
Comment Written 09-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Wow! Thank you so much for the six stars. I don't like horror stories either but this event has stayed with me for a lot of years and I thought I would write it. I really appreciate you reading this. I'm sure there are many children who find themselves victims of selfish people who don't care about them.
It is a serious and sad problem.
Beth
Comment from annettebda
A sad story with a strong element of truth. It would be nice to think that we get a chance to watch karma work its way in the world but it is probably a good thing that we don't.A good story with a great twist, well told.
Annette
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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A sad story with a strong element of truth. It would be nice to think that we get a chance to watch karma work its way in the world but it is probably a good thing that we don't.A good story with a great twist, well told.
Annette
Comment Written 08-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2010
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Thank you Annette, I really appreciate your review and nice comments. Only in writing can we make karma go the way we would like.
Beth
Comment from Claire Beck
That was an original approach to a haunting. I like your narration. It's always tricky getting a kid's voice to sound right. You did it pretty well here. I noted some stylistic things below. Some of these may be things you did on purpose since the narrator was a young child. They were speed bumps as I read through it. At any rate it's nothing big.
'damaged goods'. The period goes inside the quotes.
couldn't breathe at all." No need for a quote after "all"
"hollowing" do you mean "hollering?"
"She all limp." "She" should be "she's"
"By the time, they get here" No need for a comma.
Nice work, and good luck with the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2010
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That was an original approach to a haunting. I like your narration. It's always tricky getting a kid's voice to sound right. You did it pretty well here. I noted some stylistic things below. Some of these may be things you did on purpose since the narrator was a young child. They were speed bumps as I read through it. At any rate it's nothing big.
'damaged goods'. The period goes inside the quotes.
couldn't breathe at all." No need for a quote after "all"
"hollowing" do you mean "hollering?"
"She all limp." "She" should be "she's"
"By the time, they get here" No need for a comma.
Nice work, and good luck with the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2010
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Thank you for the review and the nice comments. I'm especially grateful to you for picking up on those spags. I have corrected them.
Beth
Comment from MyYiaYia
Very good story and well written. Some people get exactly what they deserve and it appears you have written a very apt punishment. Debbie :0)
going somewhere, and he said he didn't - I don't think you need the comma here.
They said the could prove I had suffocated. - 'they' instead of 'the'
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2010
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Very good story and well written. Some people get exactly what they deserve and it appears you have written a very apt punishment. Debbie :0)
going somewhere, and he said he didn't - I don't think you need the comma here.
They said the could prove I had suffocated. - 'they' instead of 'the'
Comment Written 08-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2010
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Thank you so much Debbie for the review and the nice comments. I also appreciate you picking up on the spags. I've corrected them.
Beth
