Spring Cleaning
A deep dark woods in May29 total reviews
Comment from Dom G Robles
Somewhere in the deep forests lie people who have never been discovered or have died for one reason or another, until discovered. If they aren't they are there to be discovered later--one spring or summer...And it is one spring--frozen on time one warm sunshine out the small life--a helicopter ()on spring cleaning) hovers above where the view of a corpse is in sight. The author says, "And soon, as the birds sing again and a new sunbeam warms...the multitude of maggots resume."
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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Somewhere in the deep forests lie people who have never been discovered or have died for one reason or another, until discovered. If they aren't they are there to be discovered later--one spring or summer...And it is one spring--frozen on time one warm sunshine out the small life--a helicopter ()on spring cleaning) hovers above where the view of a corpse is in sight. The author says, "And soon, as the birds sing again and a new sunbeam warms...the multitude of maggots resume."
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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Hi Dom! Thanks for reading this for me! Good to hear from you! ") Keep warm!! susan
Comment from Judy Swanson
Susan - another haunting horror/thriller fiction. You've told a whole story in few words again. The imagery is excellent, the examples perfect. It is so good it is disgusting! Hope that's what you were aiming for.
Judy
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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Susan - another haunting horror/thriller fiction. You've told a whole story in few words again. The imagery is excellent, the examples perfect. It is so good it is disgusting! Hope that's what you were aiming for.
Judy
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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") Oh what a great review! You hit the nail on the head! ") I'm happy you feel this way! It means I did my job! So to speak. Great reaction!! Thank you again Judy! ") Susan
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My Pleasure. Judy
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Suse,
I read this through quickly the first time and then read it again twice slowly, and I noted the same concern. I think the first person point of view doesn't do the story justice beause it personalizes an otherwise impersonal event. By an impersonal event I mean an unnamed narrator was apparently murdered by an unnamed person and left to rot unseen in a setting than cdn't be any more impersonal than if the person were buried under a concrete sidewalk. But the really i,portant to remember is this: dead men/women tell no tales.
You're really pumping these stories out.
As an aside, if you resize and compress the photo just a tad bit more, it's lose the fuzziness.
g
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Suse,
I read this through quickly the first time and then read it again twice slowly, and I noted the same concern. I think the first person point of view doesn't do the story justice beause it personalizes an otherwise impersonal event. By an impersonal event I mean an unnamed narrator was apparently murdered by an unnamed person and left to rot unseen in a setting than cdn't be any more impersonal than if the person were buried under a concrete sidewalk. But the really i,portant to remember is this: dead men/women tell no tales.
You're really pumping these stories out.
As an aside, if you resize and compress the photo just a tad bit more, it's lose the fuzziness.
g
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Hi G! Thank you!! So, do I need to change this to Third person? I can, if you think I should...and I have always thought and believe that the dead who are murdered, hang around a while not wanting to let go..of course this may be nuts...but I enjoy contemplating the possibilities? Someone else said this too, but it's a fun premise? I don't know how to adjust the pix, but can see if I can figure it out? It was fuzzy when I brought it here from the Photobucket tho? I'm happy to have you read this for me g, and thank you for your time too!! ") Suse
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Suse,
The POV is up to you, but I don't buy a rotting corpse, nor its ghost, narrating a story to the living. Having a dead character (meaning one who is killed during the story) has been done in a handful of movies. The ones that come immediately to mind are "Blood Simple" and "American Beauty," but I've never seen it done in fiction. I haven't read your other reviews, but it appears that no one else has mentioned it to you. I suggest you pm one of the pros at FS and run it by them.
As far as the picture goes, you need to resize and compress it. It may be more work than it's worth. Best, g
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Suse,
The POV is up to you, but I don't buy a rotting corpse, nor its ghost, narrating a story to the living. Having a dead character (meaning one who is killed during the story) has been done in a handful of movies. The ones that come immediately to mind are "Blood Simple" and "American Beauty," but I've never seen it done in fiction. I haven't read your other reviews, but it appears that no one else has mentioned it to you. I suggest you pm one of the pros at FS and run it by them.
As far as the picture goes, you need to resize and compress it. It may be more work than it's worth. Best, g
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Two good movies! Okay, I will try to work on this one. I can change the pix...it is soft and blurry looking. Thank you again! It's always good to hear what you think! ") S.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Someone needs to read something happier than the daily newspaper. Losing someone and not being able to lay the loss to rest is far worse, to my mind than being left to nourish the woods and its creatures. It's less sterile than cremation, and that may not be a bad thing. One wonders if death is not always worse for the ones left behind. Well written, and that is indeed a beautiful picture. Nancy
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Someone needs to read something happier than the daily newspaper. Losing someone and not being able to lay the loss to rest is far worse, to my mind than being left to nourish the woods and its creatures. It's less sterile than cremation, and that may not be a bad thing. One wonders if death is not always worse for the ones left behind. Well written, and that is indeed a beautiful picture. Nancy
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Hi Nancy! Thank you very much! I wanted to illustrate the sadness as well as the surprise...I appreciate that you read it as such! What an evil thing...I just hate what people do to each other...but I am super happy you read this and took a minute for me!! Susan
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Always, Susan. You work is a pleasure to read. Nancy
Comment from marcellawachtel
Well this is a gruesome, although not gory (where DOES the blood go?). It really packs a wallop. It is a little unsettling to understand that the narrator is the corpse.
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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Well this is a gruesome, although not gory (where DOES the blood go?). It really packs a wallop. It is a little unsettling to understand that the narrator is the corpse.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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Hi Marcella! Thanks! I think blood gets licked away, and/or settles into the earth? I don't know. I love illustrating dead people's hanging around...do you think this is unrealistic? I believe that ghosts or souls do, sometimes wait and see what happened? Thanks for your input! Susan
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Oh, Susan - and here was I thinking I was simply
reading about nature.... yuk - mind, I've wondered
the same myself.
I watched a film two nights
ago called "Amber's Story" about
a little 10 yr old girl who gets
taken by some pervert and they
find her dead in the woods - I
was reduced to tears. Her mother
starts an organisation for people
who have children taken, where they
can get rapid help in a search -
because of this, a girl does get
saved. I commented to Colin on
just where would you start looking
if some stranger from a far-off location
took a child? You wouldn't have a clue.
Needless to say, they never caught the swine who took Amber, who abused and murdered her. Being a true story
kept the box of tissues in my hands. Such wickedness.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Oh, Susan - and here was I thinking I was simply
reading about nature.... yuk - mind, I've wondered
the same myself.
I watched a film two nights
ago called "Amber's Story" about
a little 10 yr old girl who gets
taken by some pervert and they
find her dead in the woods - I
was reduced to tears. Her mother
starts an organisation for people
who have children taken, where they
can get rapid help in a search -
because of this, a girl does get
saved. I commented to Colin on
just where would you start looking
if some stranger from a far-off location
took a child? You wouldn't have a clue.
Needless to say, they never caught the swine who took Amber, who abused and murdered her. Being a true story
kept the box of tissues in my hands. Such wickedness.
Margaret.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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I know Margaret...I watch a show called "Nancy Grace", she is a bubble head, news "talk" reporter type, but her stories are so sad...EVERY NIGHT there is something about a CHILD or adult, being slaughtered or molested...our society is just ill, there is no other way to put it. From Casey Anthony, to the little rich boy who cut up a girlfriend and stuck her in a suitcase...this story is a true one, in the sense that there are many, who will lay just like this and alone for eternity. While their family goes insane with sorrow. THank you for reading and understanding I was going for more than simple shock...It is a fact of our world. Love, Susan
Comment from anne1204
I don't know about your thoughts sometimes. Think about nice things. This is a well written piece very if the subject is a little strange subject. I glad there is not a picture of a rotting corpse. Anne
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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I don't know about your thoughts sometimes. Think about nice things. This is a well written piece very if the subject is a little strange subject. I glad there is not a picture of a rotting corpse. Anne
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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Hi Anne! ") I know, I'm strange! Just enjoy different topics! I am glad you read this anyway...the lady is laying right there in that underbrush! If we walked thru there, we would find her! LOL! I am being mean...I'll stop. I love you. Susan
Comment from Judian James
Although totally NOT my genre (gruesome!), this is a superb piece of writing Sue. You carry the reader on bated breath to the final, stunning conclusion. I might delete "my". BRAVO!! Yeah, I'm standing!!
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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Although totally NOT my genre (gruesome!), this is a superb piece of writing Sue. You carry the reader on bated breath to the final, stunning conclusion. I might delete "my". BRAVO!! Yeah, I'm standing!!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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Hi Judian! I love your enthusism for this! I like it, and am really happy that you do too. I will check out the "my" too. Wow, what an honor Judian. HUG! Susan
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I think I would just say "the flesh", somehow that seems to be more powerful and shocking to me. Either way, brilliantly done, Sue
Comment from sidone
good flow good details your story makes its own picture keep up the good work,a pleasure to read good luck blessing for sharing
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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good flow good details your story makes its own picture keep up the good work,a pleasure to read good luck blessing for sharing
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2011
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hi again Sidone! Thank you once more...I am honored to have you read and review for me! Always. Susan
Comment from Glynnis W
Susan,
Bummer. It's beyond difficult for a narrator to tell a story if he or she is a dead one. If ever there was an unrealiable narrator, a dead one fits the description. I understood the bugs, but I wasn't sure what the helo had to do with anything. A shock ending works best when it's logical. I know most of my reviews seem critical, but I'm just trying to help you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Susan,
Bummer. It's beyond difficult for a narrator to tell a story if he or she is a dead one. If ever there was an unrealiable narrator, a dead one fits the description. I understood the bugs, but I wasn't sure what the helo had to do with anything. A shock ending works best when it's logical. I know most of my reviews seem critical, but I'm just trying to help you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2011
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2011
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Hi there! Sorry you didn't like this? The helicopter was searching for the dead person...and many ghosts hang around to see what is going on, in my stories anyway. Lol...I believe some do too, in reality... This story just illustrates what a ghost/soul, may "say"/think if they could. Thank you D.H. I do appreciate this input! I do. Susan