The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "The Red Dress chapter thirty five"The story of a teenage girl
14 total reviews
Comment from bonnick
I enjoyed reading this chapter. Even though I've not read it before I could pick up a storyline.
Well written and easy to read, intrigued to know the beginning of the story.
This piece held my interest from beginning to end
Thank you for sharing :-)
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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I enjoyed reading this chapter. Even though I've not read it before I could pick up a storyline.
Well written and easy to read, intrigued to know the beginning of the story.
This piece held my interest from beginning to end
Thank you for sharing :-)
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it. Alexis x
Comment from debskatz
I found just one you forgot:
â??Oh, God, It's(it's) my fault;
Much better! :-)
Hi alexis,
Damn, I figured that'd be how he found out. What a mess you've got going on here!!
And a mess of spag also:
He interrupted his mother, who was still holding his hand and telling him how happy she was that he'd regained consciousness. "Where's my mobile Mum?" he asked her out of the blue.
VERY AWKWARD How about: His mother was holding his hand, telling him how happy she was he'd regained consciousness, when he interrupted her. "Where's my mobile, Mum?"
I took out stuff that didn't need to be there.
"Oh God, It's my fault, I killed him, Oh God..." - "Oh, God, it's my fault; I killed him. Oh, God..."
"There you are(,) son, but
mess.Alan closed - needs space
(that) she didn't do anything to jeopardise
He knew for sure (that) Lisa was - I may have gotten this one out of order. sorry!
felt doubly relieved (that) she and Nick
"What press(,) Sister?" she asked,
Her Father(father) answered
The following morning(,) Teddy rushed
On Sunday morning(,) Alan sat waiting
what had happened to him(,) thanks to an article
He suggested (that) they all leave
Anyway(,) he didn't want
Geez, girl. You really make me work sometimes!! Too much for a 5. Holler back after you've revised.
smiles,
deb
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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I found just one you forgot:
â??Oh, God, It's(it's) my fault;
Much better! :-)
Hi alexis,
Damn, I figured that'd be how he found out. What a mess you've got going on here!!
And a mess of spag also:
He interrupted his mother, who was still holding his hand and telling him how happy she was that he'd regained consciousness. "Where's my mobile Mum?" he asked her out of the blue.
VERY AWKWARD How about: His mother was holding his hand, telling him how happy she was he'd regained consciousness, when he interrupted her. "Where's my mobile, Mum?"
I took out stuff that didn't need to be there.
"Oh God, It's my fault, I killed him, Oh God..." - "Oh, God, it's my fault; I killed him. Oh, God..."
"There you are(,) son, but
mess.Alan closed - needs space
(that) she didn't do anything to jeopardise
He knew for sure (that) Lisa was - I may have gotten this one out of order. sorry!
felt doubly relieved (that) she and Nick
"What press(,) Sister?" she asked,
Her Father(father) answered
The following morning(,) Teddy rushed
On Sunday morning(,) Alan sat waiting
what had happened to him(,) thanks to an article
He suggested (that) they all leave
Anyway(,) he didn't want
Geez, girl. You really make me work sometimes!! Too much for a 5. Holler back after you've revised.
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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Damn! I thought by only trying to edit one chapter a day, I would be better. Thank goodness for you and your eagle eye. Off to start editing the next one... Alexis x
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Okay, check it over good! I checked this chapter, and say one you missed. Check my review page, and you'll catch it. :-)
Comment from AlexAX
Wow what a chapter. Lisa telling her parents. Alan finding out. Carla deleting all the missed calls. I feel sorry for Alan, it's not his fault but I think he will be feeling like he has been wronged. I don't think he will be too happy about it if he talks to Lisa. I only saw this .. God, it was all such a mess.(space)Alan. Alex :)
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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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Wow what a chapter. Lisa telling her parents. Alan finding out. Carla deleting all the missed calls. I feel sorry for Alan, it's not his fault but I think he will be feeling like he has been wronged. I don't think he will be too happy about it if he talks to Lisa. I only saw this .. God, it was all such a mess.(space)Alan. Alex :)
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Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for your eagle eye. I need all the help I can get! Lets just say that circumstances mean that nobody's right, and nobody's wrong, but a few people are going to get rather cheesed off. Alexis x
Comment from MumEsGirl
Great chapter. I cant see Alan feeling normal for a long time. The newpaper is just a blow too many.
Fast flowing and full of intrigue. Cant wait to see what the press will do when he sends the helicopter for Lisa.
Bummer her Dad deciding to make a family weekend out of her visit to the island
hugs
kate
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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Great chapter. I cant see Alan feeling normal for a long time. The newpaper is just a blow too many.
Fast flowing and full of intrigue. Cant wait to see what the press will do when he sends the helicopter for Lisa.
Bummer her Dad deciding to make a family weekend out of her visit to the island
hugs
kate
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Don't worry, I've had an idea... Thank you so much for your great and understanding review. Alexis x
