The One Way Journey
A glimpse into the mindset of a man of purpose.94 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
Very clever. I wouldn't explain it in your notes though. That way readers can interpret it in light of their own life. We're all on a journey and what happens yesterday can determine what drives the next day and that is turn will affect the future ( I didn't read your notes),Excellent use of metaphor: drive and refueling (implied comparison to car).
BTW, you have a beautiful smile.
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Very clever. I wouldn't explain it in your notes though. That way readers can interpret it in light of their own life. We're all on a journey and what happens yesterday can determine what drives the next day and that is turn will affect the future ( I didn't read your notes),Excellent use of metaphor: drive and refueling (implied comparison to car).
BTW, you have a beautiful smile.
Comment Written 30-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank you! - for the review, rating, checking out my smile (lol) and your time.
I am truly glad that it makes sense to you.
My Regards.
Comment from venika
I really liked the message you conveyed in these 3 lines.It is a very motivating poem and i hope it inspires everyone who reads this. Thank you for sharing. Good luck for your contest.
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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I really liked the message you conveyed in these 3 lines.It is a very motivating poem and i hope it inspires everyone who reads this. Thank you for sharing. Good luck for your contest.
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank you! - for the review, rating, wishes and your time.
I am truly glad that it makes sense to you.
My Regards.
Comment from rashi kumar
So true!
The fueling yesterday- it drives us well today. And we prepare for a better tomorrow!
Few words, wonderful message!
Keep sharing!
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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So true!
The fueling yesterday- it drives us well today. And we prepare for a better tomorrow!
Few words, wonderful message!
Keep sharing!
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank you! - for the review, rating and your time.
I am truly glad that it makes sense to you.
My Regards.
Comment from TKField
I think the syntax is a little off here.
"What drives me today?
It's the fueling yesterday,
Will make tomorrow."
Just doesn't sound quite right to the ear, because after yesterday, you need the definite article,"that" so it sounds correct. "That will make tomorrow" or just change it to "That makes tomorrow".
Your way, the message is not clear, in my opinion. This point is underscored by the lengthy author's notes you included so we'd understand exactly what it is you're trying to say.
I liked the inspirational message here, but with clearer articulation, based on sentence structure, you wouldn't need all the extraneous explanation in order for readers to discern its meaning.
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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I think the syntax is a little off here.
"What drives me today?
It's the fueling yesterday,
Will make tomorrow."
Just doesn't sound quite right to the ear, because after yesterday, you need the definite article,"that" so it sounds correct. "That will make tomorrow" or just change it to "That makes tomorrow".
Your way, the message is not clear, in my opinion. This point is underscored by the lengthy author's notes you included so we'd understand exactly what it is you're trying to say.
I liked the inspirational message here, but with clearer articulation, based on sentence structure, you wouldn't need all the extraneous explanation in order for readers to discern its meaning.
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 30-May-2012
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Thank you! - for the review, rating and your time.
I will consider your thoughts quickly.
Just that, i used ' will make tomorrow' because the person is talking & reassuring himself. Using 'that' will take the soliloquy from him but - i will consider.
Thanks for the candid opinion.
My Regards.
Comment from hollyinvesuvianite
I enjoyed this because it has multiple meanings especially with the great image chosen. Perfect word choice- that means about driving or just in other modes of getting to our destination. Great effort! Holly
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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I enjoyed this because it has multiple meanings especially with the great image chosen. Perfect word choice- that means about driving or just in other modes of getting to our destination. Great effort! Holly
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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oh! Thanks really- for the great review.
I am glad it makes sense to you.
My Regards
Comment from Janet Foor
I enjoyed reading your 5-7-5 poem, "The One Way". I especially enjoyed reading your authors notes and the incite you gave us for writing the poem. Very nicely done.
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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I enjoyed reading your 5-7-5 poem, "The One Way". I especially enjoyed reading your authors notes and the incite you gave us for writing the poem. Very nicely done.
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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oh! Thanks really- for the great review.
I am glad it makes sense to you.
My Regards
Comment from forestport12
Wonderful poem with so few words but so much enegry. Let me encourage you to use this is a good place to start. Clever play on words about preparation for tomorrow. Well done. Stan
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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Wonderful poem with so few words but so much enegry. Let me encourage you to use this is a good place to start. Clever play on words about preparation for tomorrow. Well done. Stan
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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oh! Thanks really- for the great review & boosting my fan base... Lol. I am challenged to do better and glad it makes sense to you.
My Regards!
Comment from Razz
What drives me today?
It's the fueling yesterday,
Will make tomorrow.
Nicely done.
So true for some.
Have a good day.
Razz
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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What drives me today?
It's the fueling yesterday,
Will make tomorrow.
Nicely done.
So true for some.
Have a good day.
Razz
Comment Written 29-May-2012
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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oh! Thanks really- for the great review.
I am glad it makes sense to you.
My Regards
Comment from Charlene0513
To DAGirl,
A very good analogy of the future we hold in our arms.
The benefits are withstanding and you have made a great distinction between going forth or stopping before finishing the trip.
Charlene
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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To DAGirl,
A very good analogy of the future we hold in our arms.
The benefits are withstanding and you have made a great distinction between going forth or stopping before finishing the trip.
Charlene
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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Thanks alot for your lovely review.
I am glad it makes sense to you.
Thanks a lot!
Comment from Gungalo
A motivational write that would do better without punctuation. It's full of imagery and carries a great message that all are gonna want to hear.
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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A motivational write that would do better without punctuation. It's full of imagery and carries a great message that all are gonna want to hear.
Comment Written 28-May-2012
reply by the author on 29-May-2012
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thanks a lot! Though i have been having issues as to take off or leave the punctuations.. Some say it made it better (most do) and i tend more to that but only get bothered when a few like you suggest otherwise.
Precisely why do you think they should be off.
Here are why i favor it:
on the first line (?)- throws d question at self causing a self appraisal
the 2nd (,)- gives a sense of continuity to the effect of what you did yesterday and
the 3rd (.)- a sense of final verdict more or less to the journey.
What are your reasons- PLS share.
Thx!
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Just because of the visual appeal.
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thanks.. Will put serious thoughts into it
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I'm serious girl.
