An Eye for Vengeance
a boy stalks his father's murderer49 total reviews
Comment from Melspoems
Wow...chills!! I guessed just before the end that it would be his sister. So glad he got to save her.
This story was full of suspense, particularly the second half.
Well written with great descriptive detail.
There was one spot where the was an " missing at the end of dialogue, but I can't find it now.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Wow...chills!! I guessed just before the end that it would be his sister. So glad he got to save her.
This story was full of suspense, particularly the second half.
Well written with great descriptive detail.
There was one spot where the was an " missing at the end of dialogue, but I can't find it now.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Thank you, Mel. I found that section - thanks for the sharp eye for details. I sure appreciate your generous review, and am happy to hear your enjoyed my story. Hugs, Bev
Comment from WLHall
Wow, Bev, this ought to do well. Hope it does. I was enthralled from the beginning to the end. These are usually not my kind of stories, but your descriptions and plot was awesome. I especially liked the phrase,"As an eyebrow of sun made its appearance above the knife-edged horizon..." Great word picture. And there were many more. The twist at the end when we find out it was Alsoomse's sister to be sacrificed was very creative. Didn't see it coming. Great job!
Wanda
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Wow, Bev, this ought to do well. Hope it does. I was enthralled from the beginning to the end. These are usually not my kind of stories, but your descriptions and plot was awesome. I especially liked the phrase,"As an eyebrow of sun made its appearance above the knife-edged horizon..." Great word picture. And there were many more. The twist at the end when we find out it was Alsoomse's sister to be sacrificed was very creative. Didn't see it coming. Great job!
Wanda
Comment Written 09-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2012
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Thank you so very much, Wanda. Your kind words and generous review really bring a smile to my face. Thanks, too, for taking time to read something you don't normally care for. That's really too kind of you. I enjoyed writing this, but probably won't make a steady 'diet' of it. Not an easy genre to write for. I much appreciate you! Bev
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is very well written (won't bother with a FEW little comma problems as I am really rushed today) and shudderingly scary and hard to read in places. That means it's a good horror story. I also like the descriptive phrases, such as this one: The knife made a sucking sound as he pulled it from Hassun's chest. Well done! :)
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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This is very well written (won't bother with a FEW little comma problems as I am really rushed today) and shudderingly scary and hard to read in places. That means it's a good horror story. I also like the descriptive phrases, such as this one: The knife made a sucking sound as he pulled it from Hassun's chest. Well done! :)
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Hello, Phyllis. Thank you so much for your generous review. I really appreciate the support, especially your taking time to let me know what worked for you. That's always helpful! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from tinams
This certainly was a riveting story. You gave a very detailed portrayal of the actions and I was enthralled from start to finish. A great read and competition entry :) Tina
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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This certainly was a riveting story. You gave a very detailed portrayal of the actions and I was enthralled from start to finish. A great read and competition entry :) Tina
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much, Tina. I really appreciate your interest and generosity. It's really very kind of you! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi writingfundimension,
Very good building out of the folklore of the Iroquois. Somewhat similar powers are attributed to African Witch Doctors and Shamans. As for some of their "gods" let's just say they are best left undescribed!
Very nicely done, no spag spotted.
Patrick
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Hi writingfundimension,
Very good building out of the folklore of the Iroquois. Somewhat similar powers are attributed to African Witch Doctors and Shamans. As for some of their "gods" let's just say they are best left undescribed!
Very nicely done, no spag spotted.
Patrick
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Hi, Patrick. I really appreciate your very generous review. Thank you for taking time to read and offer your personal insights. Seems I didn't even realize I was writing about a werebear! Kindest regards, Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
Wow! What a story! I normally don't read things like this, but your reputation demanded that I at least try it. :-) Wicked storyline, crazy details, picturesque, vivid imagery. Brilliantly satisfying outcome. This one nearly had me weeing in my scaredness. :-) Is scaredness even a word??
Well Done Bev!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Wow! What a story! I normally don't read things like this, but your reputation demanded that I at least try it. :-) Wicked storyline, crazy details, picturesque, vivid imagery. Brilliantly satisfying outcome. This one nearly had me weeing in my scaredness. :-) Is scaredness even a word??
Well Done Bev!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much, Sue! What an uplifting review - I sure appreciate your generosity and support, my friend. Warmest regards, Bev
P.S. Scaredness is a great word. hehehee
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you're welcome. i just posted a piece today that might not seem like my normal, unless my normal is a crazy woman with no boundaries for good taste!!!
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I'll check it out - but I quite sure you are completely sane, sue!
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I've got you sooooo fooled. :-)
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HAH! :0)
Comment from Anisa-
Well done, Bev! I like this version much better. There is more depth and horror to it. Good job! Stacia would be proud :) :)
Anisa
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Well done, Bev! I like this version much better. There is more depth and horror to it. Good job! Stacia would be proud :) :)
Anisa
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Thanks, Anisa! I really appreciate your 'inside' knowledge and very encouraging words. Good luck to both of us! :0) Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
My, Bev, this had me on the edge of my seat... I could never write a horror story like this... it was amazing, horribly blood-thirsty and gruesome... but intriguing, all at the same time.
way to bring [the] him to justice - lose "the"
What a writer.... this has to be a winner.
Good luck to you, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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My, Bev, this had me on the edge of my seat... I could never write a horror story like this... it was amazing, horribly blood-thirsty and gruesome... but intriguing, all at the same time.
way to bring [the] him to justice - lose "the"
What a writer.... this has to be a winner.
Good luck to you, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Thank you so very much, Margaret. I so appreciate your very kind wishes and greatly generous review. Your support is very heart-warming. All my best, Bev
Comment from misscookie
I finally got a chance to read your story for my ees are geting the best of me.but it was wortyh the wait. this story had me on the edge of my chair. If I don't get a chance to read no other poems or stories today.
I must say you made my day.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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I finally got a chance to read your story for my ees are geting the best of me.but it was wortyh the wait. this story had me on the edge of my chair. If I don't get a chance to read no other poems or stories today.
I must say you made my day.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much, misscookie. This is the sweetest review I've gotten from anyone! I really appreciate you taking time to read my story and, especially, for your wonderful words of support. Have a very blessed day, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Very creative and interesting entry for the contest. Held my interest throughout with good dialogue, characters, and plot. Good luck in the contest! Nice work!
(Little things I noticed)
"Why did you follow me, Alsoomse! (Question mark is needed here)
In the fortnight since Kitch's death, Alsoome (Alsoomse) accepted that
Hassum (Hassun)panted loudly, mumbling a strange chant
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Very creative and interesting entry for the contest. Held my interest throughout with good dialogue, characters, and plot. Good luck in the contest! Nice work!
(Little things I noticed)
"Why did you follow me, Alsoomse! (Question mark is needed here)
In the fortnight since Kitch's death, Alsoome (Alsoomse) accepted that
Hassum (Hassun)panted loudly, mumbling a strange chant
Comment Written 07-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Hi, Patty. Thank you so much for the sharp eye. I've been changing things a bit due to some good advice (like yours) from reviewers, so probably was a bit hasty. I really appreciate your excellent review and interest. Warm regards,Bev
