To a son of God
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Babylon The Whore!"Metre ... Freeverse & Quatrain
84 total reviews
Comment from Rose Hearth
This poem is intense with imagery and powerful in it's rhythm. Evil by any name touches the soul and one person's redemption is another's curse.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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This poem is intense with imagery and powerful in it's rhythm. Evil by any name touches the soul and one person's redemption is another's curse.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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mmmmm....interesting...!
Comment from Alan K Pease
You sent me on a search in Wikipedia for Babylon, the Tower, the disunification of language, a Tom Lehrer record of years past, and the fact that it inhabitants turned God it against themselves for trying to reach him through a separate route. God gave them separate languages so they could not communicate on building the tower. I would say the tower was the whore and vaguely remember hearing this story before. Your lesson on repetition and its development is also interesting and deserves reward.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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You sent me on a search in Wikipedia for Babylon, the Tower, the disunification of language, a Tom Lehrer record of years past, and the fact that it inhabitants turned God it against themselves for trying to reach him through a separate route. God gave them separate languages so they could not communicate on building the tower. I would say the tower was the whore and vaguely remember hearing this story before. Your lesson on repetition and its development is also interesting and deserves reward.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2012
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Many thanks...that was the tower of Babel, Babylon was originally a great city.
Comment from MikoAmaya
Since I'm not very good with history (or maybe this is religious, which I'm also not very good with), the only name I really recognize is Babylon (a large city in the Babylonian empire that I read about in Anatolia Story), which I know was a huge city important to cultural development in that time and era. That's it though. And I'm not sure if that's correct. lol
However, I really liked this poem. You used the Old Language well and the repetitions and almost repetitions were wonderful with a great flow, thanks to your meter. Thanks for sharing. :)
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Since I'm not very good with history (or maybe this is religious, which I'm also not very good with), the only name I really recognize is Babylon (a large city in the Babylonian empire that I read about in Anatolia Story), which I know was a huge city important to cultural development in that time and era. That's it though. And I'm not sure if that's correct. lol
However, I really liked this poem. You used the Old Language well and the repetitions and almost repetitions were wonderful with a great flow, thanks to your meter. Thanks for sharing. :)
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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You are right my friend, Babyloon was a great,great,great, BIG city and was a wonder to behold, but, alas, it is no more...
...but the power that is Babylon is a spirtual principality of scripture my friend that still lives and thrives today, just under another disguise thats all...
Comment from ~Vincent Phelps~
Again Bicpen, not another one of my favorite topics. But, still a very interesting read, to say the least. You have a very particular writing style and I'm still getting accustomed to it. The picture really matches the poems theme well. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Again Bicpen, not another one of my favorite topics. But, still a very interesting read, to say the least. You have a very particular writing style and I'm still getting accustomed to it. The picture really matches the poems theme well. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Thanks VP, much obliged.
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You're welcome Sir. I still have to check out your other poems in the collection.
Comment from Selestia
Very powerful. I like the repetition. You use it very effectively in this poem. I also like the fact that you use the different names of the devil. Wonderful descriptions, such as "toxic death's child". Layers of meaning for those searching below the surface.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Very powerful. I like the repetition. You use it very effectively in this poem. I also like the fact that you use the different names of the devil. Wonderful descriptions, such as "toxic death's child". Layers of meaning for those searching below the surface.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Thanks selestia, much appreciated.
Comment from Onixxiya
I was really confused but I find myself thoroughly enjoying this poem. Toxic death's child is a phrase I won't soon forget. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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I was really confused but I find myself thoroughly enjoying this poem. Toxic death's child is a phrase I won't soon forget. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Thanks, much appreciated.
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Hi, Bic.
I don't wish to sound a miserable know-it-all, but I can't see this is written in aimbic pentameter. In that form, the 2nd and then alternate syllables in each line of 10 should be emphasised, and the 1st and alternates unemphasised.
Mind you, I know far from everything, as I haven't heard of a 'normative stanza' style.
I'm unaware of most Biblical stories, including this one, so it's hard to comment, but your writing here is very dramatic.
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Hi, Bic.
I don't wish to sound a miserable know-it-all, but I can't see this is written in aimbic pentameter. In that form, the 2nd and then alternate syllables in each line of 10 should be emphasised, and the 1st and alternates unemphasised.
Mind you, I know far from everything, as I haven't heard of a 'normative stanza' style.
I'm unaware of most Biblical stories, including this one, so it's hard to comment, but your writing here is very dramatic.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Hi Earl...
...I was being a little devious in my notes as pentameter i just the number of syllables its not nor meant to be iambic or anything other than ten syllables per line. The normative stanza means each stanza has the same syllable count as the first satanza as opposed to a quantative or variable stanza.
...At least you got the drama that one one aspect I wished to convey...
much obliged...
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Thanks for your gracious reply, Bic. x
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No worries Earl, much appreciate the feedback as always...(xxx).
Comment from Rembrandt
Your theology is spot on. The designation of pentameter may need adjusting... You are following more of a free verse style/format, rather than applying iambic or trochaic or any other meter creations. Much of your driving rhythm is representative of steady Spondee. The very strong, powerful presentation holds the reader's attention to the end. The use of the repetitive is excellent for slowing the reader to ponder the meaning of the sentences. BRAVO.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Your theology is spot on. The designation of pentameter may need adjusting... You are following more of a free verse style/format, rather than applying iambic or trochaic or any other meter creations. Much of your driving rhythm is representative of steady Spondee. The very strong, powerful presentation holds the reader's attention to the end. The use of the repetitive is excellent for slowing the reader to ponder the meaning of the sentences. BRAVO.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Excellent...I just put it in pentameter which is as far as I know ten syllables per line...nothing to special...with each stanza being of the same syllable count, hence, normative...I have'nt checked the notation but Im sure youll agree with it...
...I'm glad the repetition made it work that was the main thrust and development of this piece to enforce a delivery with as much emphasis as possible...I liked it, many thanks Rembrant.
Comment from missy98writer
Bicpen,
Your poem is excellently penned and reads like a song or lyrical verse.
The art work is amazing you used.
I liked the lines:
Pride stirs her alive; she cries redemption;
she's always easy: foul spirits your cage.
Hear my cry; Sinai damned or Sion saved;
dark abyss: Ballim toucheth thy soul whore.
You used great allitetation and metaphors in your historical poem.
I'd recommend your poem to other reviewers.
Thanks for sharing,
Melissa.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Bicpen,
Your poem is excellently penned and reads like a song or lyrical verse.
The art work is amazing you used.
I liked the lines:
Pride stirs her alive; she cries redemption;
she's always easy: foul spirits your cage.
Hear my cry; Sinai damned or Sion saved;
dark abyss: Ballim toucheth thy soul whore.
You used great allitetation and metaphors in your historical poem.
I'd recommend your poem to other reviewers.
Thanks for sharing,
Melissa.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Thanks Melissa, much appreciated...maybe it would be a good song!
Comment from pickthorn
A powerful message that is a reminder of the turbulent times of the Babylon empire. The turbulence has not subsided much in that part of the world since that ancient time.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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A powerful message that is a reminder of the turbulent times of the Babylon empire. The turbulence has not subsided much in that part of the world since that ancient time.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2012
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Nor in this part of the world...remember Babylon is a reference to a power not just a place.
