Comment from Sanku

Excellent

really ,truly creepy! We have to give you the crown for the Queen of creepy stories! You do it so well ! very thrilling and blood curdling ,,I almost screamed when I reached where Alice reappears...

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

Thank you so much. Always wanted to be a scream queen. Lol. I appreciate it. Gretchen

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

Oh yes, Gretchen! Another winner! Surprises all the way, not least because I thought this might be the start of a longer story. I love the way you can immediately get the reader to engage with the protagonist and excuse him for his actions, no matter how grim. This is full of imagination and haunting description which was a 'joy' to read:) Thanks for sharing another creepy tale, Debbie

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

Thanks for this. I really appreciate it. Gretchen

Comment from Wayne Fowler

Exceptional

Yes, it's creepy! Good job.
And very well written.
God, indeed, watches. Best to keep that in mind.
Glad Remy could get the school burned to ashes before that fire department arrived, but that seems a bit unlikely. Maybe if you set the school out in the country?
Best wishes.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

This was supposed to be in a rural setting before phones. Old times. Thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed this. Gretchen

Comment from royowen

Excellent

This seems most unGretchen like, but there it is. I think these sort of murders happen, perhaps without the demon. But it is good, and excellent post, I can see you wrote it quite some time ago, beautifully written, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

I was a different person back then, Roy. Loved scary stuff. Now just like spooky fun stuff. Thanks for this. Gretchen

reply by royowen on 14-Sep-2023

We change

Comment from JSD

Excellent

Most unexpected content Gretchen. Really well written, of course. (There's one 'it's' that doesn't need an apostrophe.) I did not expect the teacher and the girl in each other's arms, but that was not enough for me to sympathise with Remy. Maybe Gram was the only one who needed sympathy?

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

Gram gets no sympathy either. The whole lot of them, except maybe Alice gets no pass. Lol. Thanks so much. Gretchen

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

What a story! Wow, there are no bounds to your imagination. That was grippping and eerie. Couldn't stop reading. Well done.
Wendy
Typo: She'd pot it back on the stove (put)
Her lips were drawn, blackened and dirt-crusted around the her teeth ( remove "the".
Note: "it's" is an abbreviation for "it is", not possessive. The possessive is "its".

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

Thanks for the spag catch. Since corrected. Glad you liked it. Gretchen

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

It was creepy, and I enjoyed it. You held my interest right through this tale of young love, betrayed and the price paid.
Just a couple of typos -
His dinner had grown cold and she'd pot (put) it back on the stove
making sure that Finney('s) body
dirt crusted around the her teeth
Well told, cheers.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

Thank you so much. Appreciate the help. Gretchen

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

It is very creepy and too logical. Remy behaved as a mildly retarded boy might. Alice is not a nice young girl, and the teacher is a pervert. Gram's problems have been solved by death, but she'll be haunted all her life. This could have been a six but you have several mistakes you will find if you proofread it.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

I have gone back and corrected them. Appreciate the help. Gretchen

Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill

Exceptional

Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.Perfect.
It was just perfect. Karen

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2023

---

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

Thanks, Karen. Glad you enjoyed. Appreciate the six. Gretchen

reply by Karen Cherry Threadgill on 14-Sep-2023

I thought you told me you reviewed"Alistar Adams" chapter "Alistar Approaches" I haven't recieved it. I asked tom,because I haven't got but one review in two days. Not al all normal for me. Karen

reply by the author on 14-Sep-2023

I just looked it up and my review is on there. It shows up for me.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

You set the stage well in your opening
made fun of the southern drawls - Southern
You introduce Remy effectively and work his back story in well
You also convey his feelings for Alice effectively
Alice's body back to it's grave - drop the apostrophe
What's that mean? - add question mark
Oh, this is definitely creepy - shades of animal semetary with the body brought back to life in demonic form
Excellent dialogue, good character development :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 24-Aug-2012

---

reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012

Thank you very much. Thanks for the helpful writing tips as well.