Hedgerow Tales
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Let's Go Fly Our Kites!"Book 3 in the Hedgerow Series
32 total reviews
Comment from Chris Tee
Sandra, This is another excellent piece of poetry for the kiddies. It kept me captivated throughout the read and I am sure my grandchildren will enjoy this tomorrow. Great job!
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Sandra, This is another excellent piece of poetry for the kiddies. It kept me captivated throughout the read and I am sure my grandchildren will enjoy this tomorrow. Great job!
Comment Written 05-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Thank you, Chris, I do hope they like it! Thank you so much for your wonderful review! Sandra.
Comment from adewpearl
solid rhyming couplets
nice touches of alliteration with the character names and phrases like breakfast bowls
good use of enjambment to enhance the flow of your story
good internal rhyme in huff and puff
good action verbs like laugh, squeal, fly add excitement and life to the story
another good story with lessons to learn :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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solid rhyming couplets
nice touches of alliteration with the character names and phrases like breakfast bowls
good use of enjambment to enhance the flow of your story
good internal rhyme in huff and puff
good action verbs like laugh, squeal, fly add excitement and life to the story
another good story with lessons to learn :-) Brooke
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much Brooke, for your lovely review! I'm really pleased you enjoyed it, thank you! Sandra. xsx
Comment from artemis53
YAY!!!!! I could give you a Six!!!! I glean so much enjoyment from these pieces and swear that I am six years old again. It will be interesting to see how the girls take these. I may be even more enthusiastic than they are.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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YAY!!!!! I could give you a Six!!!! I glean so much enjoyment from these pieces and swear that I am six years old again. It will be interesting to see how the girls take these. I may be even more enthusiastic than they are.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Diane!! You are amazing! Thank you so much!! I really hope the girls do like them now, what a lovely review, I had to laugh, thank you! Please let me know what they think of it. I am going to go to bed now with a huge grin on my face!! Thanks, Diane! xsx Sandra.
Comment from juliedickson55
Lovely and fun poem of mice...
I knew brothers called Tommy and Timmy when I was young...you reminded me of happy memories.
Nicely told, a poetry suitable for children with fun characters: Millie Mole, and Reggie Rat.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Lovely and fun poem of mice...
I knew brothers called Tommy and Timmy when I was young...you reminded me of happy memories.
Nicely told, a poetry suitable for children with fun characters: Millie Mole, and Reggie Rat.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you, Julie for your lovely review! I am so pleased you enjoyed it, and that it brought some happy memories for you! xsx Sandra.
Comment from alexisleech
With perfect meter and rhyme, this poem was such fun to read. As I said to you once before, if every child was read one of your poems on a regular basis, they would understand poetry so well. A delightful read, and one very deserving of a six, but sadly, I don't have any left. Bravo! Alexis x
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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With perfect meter and rhyme, this poem was such fun to read. As I said to you once before, if every child was read one of your poems on a regular basis, they would understand poetry so well. A delightful read, and one very deserving of a six, but sadly, I don't have any left. Bravo! Alexis x
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you Alexis, for another wonderful review! I do hope you are right, my first book of Hedgerow stories comes out on the 26th of this month, so fingers crossed!! I am really pleased you enjoyed it! xsx Sandra
Comment from rama devi
Second review
Thanks for your enthusiastic reply and for letting me know about your changes. :-)
First review (FOUR stars)
As usual, your writing style is excellent for children-poetry genre and has a wonderfully bouncy beat to it. Fine rhyming. Most places, good flow (see notes below). Some slant rhymes with 's' and 'no s' work fine read aloud.
Some spag suggestions (not necessarily corrections -the 'correction' ones have an * sign)
Timmy and Tommy Mouse jumped out of bed, (comma not needed)
And pulled their pyjama tops over their heads.
Their breakfast was ready, they quickly sat down, (comma not needed)
And gulped down their food till they saw Mummy frown!
*As Daddy came in from the garden, he smiled, (.)
"The wind is up nicely, your kites will go wild!
You'll have to hold on now as tight as you can,(;)
I've already put your kites into the van."
*
They saw all their friends out there, flying their kite(s)
On top of the hill, with the wind in their face(s)
*
"It's supposed to be Mitsie, the kitten," he grinned,
"It's supposed to be Mitsie, the kitten." He grinned,
*
"I'm sure she would laugh," and they had to agree.
"I'm sure she would laugh." And they had to agree.
Their kites began flying all over the place,(.)
The wind spun them round; it was just like a race.
*
"My Kite!" Vicky cried,(.) "The wind blew it up there!"
*Her lovely kite landed,(.) "Oh! What can I do?"
*A voice at her side,(no comma) said, "I'll get it for you!"
Then Daddy Mouse shouted, "Come on(,) all of you,
We've got to get hold of the string hanging down,
(And) T(t)hen we can pull him back down to the ground.
One of you put all the kites in the van,(;)
The rest of you follow as fast as you can!"
NOTE--this suggestion is for sake of flow/meter:
And then we can pull him back down to the ground.
The flow of this line is forced, too:
Over Hedgerow, such a wonderful sight!
*
As his friends rushed over,(.) h(H)e said, "That was fun!
*It was the best thing that I've ever done!(')
*Daddy Mouse,(no comma) smiled, but then told everyone(,)
Everyone promised, and Cyril did too,
(So N(n)ow on the ground he felt tickity boo!
this suggestion is both for spag and flow:
So now on the ground he felt tickity boo!
God story--nice lessons, clearly conveyed.
Much love,
rd
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Second review
Thanks for your enthusiastic reply and for letting me know about your changes. :-)
First review (FOUR stars)
As usual, your writing style is excellent for children-poetry genre and has a wonderfully bouncy beat to it. Fine rhyming. Most places, good flow (see notes below). Some slant rhymes with 's' and 'no s' work fine read aloud.
Some spag suggestions (not necessarily corrections -the 'correction' ones have an * sign)
Timmy and Tommy Mouse jumped out of bed, (comma not needed)
And pulled their pyjama tops over their heads.
Their breakfast was ready, they quickly sat down, (comma not needed)
And gulped down their food till they saw Mummy frown!
*As Daddy came in from the garden, he smiled, (.)
"The wind is up nicely, your kites will go wild!
You'll have to hold on now as tight as you can,(;)
I've already put your kites into the van."
*
They saw all their friends out there, flying their kite(s)
On top of the hill, with the wind in their face(s)
*
"It's supposed to be Mitsie, the kitten," he grinned,
"It's supposed to be Mitsie, the kitten." He grinned,
*
"I'm sure she would laugh," and they had to agree.
"I'm sure she would laugh." And they had to agree.
Their kites began flying all over the place,(.)
The wind spun them round; it was just like a race.
*
"My Kite!" Vicky cried,(.) "The wind blew it up there!"
*Her lovely kite landed,(.) "Oh! What can I do?"
*A voice at her side,(no comma) said, "I'll get it for you!"
Then Daddy Mouse shouted, "Come on(,) all of you,
We've got to get hold of the string hanging down,
(And) T(t)hen we can pull him back down to the ground.
One of you put all the kites in the van,(;)
The rest of you follow as fast as you can!"
NOTE--this suggestion is for sake of flow/meter:
And then we can pull him back down to the ground.
The flow of this line is forced, too:
Over Hedgerow, such a wonderful sight!
*
As his friends rushed over,(.) h(H)e said, "That was fun!
*It was the best thing that I've ever done!(')
*Daddy Mouse,(no comma) smiled, but then told everyone(,)
Everyone promised, and Cyril did too,
(So N(n)ow on the ground he felt tickity boo!
this suggestion is both for spag and flow:
So now on the ground he felt tickity boo!
God story--nice lessons, clearly conveyed.
Much love,
rd
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Hi Rama, my dear overworked friend!! I really do test you, don't I? Well you passed with flying colours, you found everyone of my deliberate mistakes!!LOL! Thank you, Rama for this wonderful help, I have been back and edited it. I have aso changed the line,
'Over Hedgerow, such a wonderful sight' (darn! can't remember now what I've put!) it sounds a lot better.
and I have also changed the last line to read
'As now on the ground he felt tickity boo'
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You are an angel! I am really pleased you liked it, as well! Lots of love, Sandra.
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Thanks for your enthusiastic and gracious reply dear Sandra. Tons of Love and smiles, rd (upgrading now)
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I did nominate you for the reviewers award, but you have already had one from me! You are the best reviewer on here, Rama! x
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Aw, thanks dear...The thumbs for october should be available - and I am waiting for them, too, as I used all mine up long back!
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Thanks dear - that's nice of you to say :-)) Love, rd
Comment from rhymelord
Dear Sandra,
"tickity boo"!!! I love it, but have you had any queries yet from our American friends. Maybe not. Now I think back, Danny Kay sang the song in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, so it is possible some of the longer tooth brigade might remember. Any way, a cracking poem, as usual and full of fun for kids. Only one small bitch. The pinky on blue presentation is not good for my old eyes.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Dear Sandra,
"tickity boo"!!! I love it, but have you had any queries yet from our American friends. Maybe not. Now I think back, Danny Kay sang the song in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, so it is possible some of the longer tooth brigade might remember. Any way, a cracking poem, as usual and full of fun for kids. Only one small bitch. The pinky on blue presentation is not good for my old eyes.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much Reg, for this great review! I think our American friends are used to the phrase, 'tickity boo' I have sort of made it Cyril's little saying, it has come up at times in other stories, one reviewer said that in future if anyone asks her how she is she will say she is, 'tickity boo' LOL!
The pink on blue, I was testing out lots of colours for this one, I wanted it to be colourful, like a kite, but perhaps you are right, I'll have another look. Thank you again, Reg, I am really glad you enjoyed it! Sandra xsx
Comment from vincentjames
This reminds me of some of the books I read as a child. For that, thank you. Children's tales can sometimes be the best with lesson even adults need pay attention to. Or, at least the ones they've forgot. Thanks again for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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This reminds me of some of the books I read as a child. For that, thank you. Children's tales can sometimes be the best with lesson even adults need pay attention to. Or, at least the ones they've forgot. Thanks again for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much, Vincent, I'm really pleased it brought you back some fond memories. Thank you for your lovely review! xsx Sandra
Comment from mshirachot
What a delightful children's story for kids of all ages! I can visual all the little creatures playing and prancing around. Thanks for sharing this.
Blessings to you,
Marsha
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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What a delightful children's story for kids of all ages! I can visual all the little creatures playing and prancing around. Thanks for sharing this.
Blessings to you,
Marsha
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much, Marsha! I am so glad you enjoyed my story, thank you for the lovely review! xsx Sandra.
Comment from heyjude
Sandra, another of your wonderful stories. You do such
an amazing job on these. I'm sure all these stories
will make a fantastic book.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Sandra, another of your wonderful stories. You do such
an amazing job on these. I'm sure all these stories
will make a fantastic book.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much, Judy! I sure hope you are right, my Hedgrerow Capers, the firt book, comes out on the 26th of this month. I am so nervous it won't be liked! I am really pleased you did though, thank you! Xsx Sandra.
