The Mayors' Stroll
It ain't always wise to let it all hang out...32 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
" his member was evident" - please tell me the mayor was wearing underwear. nice twist on the emperor w/out clothes. good thing the mayor was not using the ceremonial scissors to cut a few ribbons ( ouch!).
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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" his member was evident" - please tell me the mayor was wearing underwear. nice twist on the emperor w/out clothes. good thing the mayor was not using the ceremonial scissors to cut a few ribbons ( ouch!).
Comment Written 24-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2013
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I sincerely hope he was wearing his tighty-whities. However, I don't know for sure. Only the members in attendance at the town council meeting could give us the answer to that question. And yeah, you're absolutely right. Scissors would have been a bad idea, lol!
Thanks for the great review ravenblack. It's always great to hear from ya'.
Comment from BeasPeas
Poor mayor. What a predicament to be in. You kept it going with your story and rhyming for nine stanzas, which isn't an easy thing to do. Reads well, shows mayor's frustration, and we're all finally let in on the secret. Another successful tale.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Poor mayor. What a predicament to be in. You kept it going with your story and rhyming for nine stanzas, which isn't an easy thing to do. Reads well, shows mayor's frustration, and we're all finally let in on the secret. Another successful tale.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Thanks BP, I appreciate your insight into the difficulties of such a write. You know first hand, been there; done that.
Thanks for the kind review.
Comment from vapros
I see a great effort here, to assemble the parts of this account of the mayor's adventures as he made his way to the meeting. It's quite an impressive piece in an unusual pattern. I can't help thinking how much better it could have been, had it a neat and flowing cadence.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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I see a great effort here, to assemble the parts of this account of the mayor's adventures as he made his way to the meeting. It's quite an impressive piece in an unusual pattern. I can't help thinking how much better it could have been, had it a neat and flowing cadence.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Thanks vapors. for the review and for reading it. I have a unique style. It's my voice, if you will. If this sounded like everyone elses...well, it would be just like everyone elses. Where is the fun in that? Try thinking outside the box once in awhile my friend. It does a body good!
Thanks again,
Comment from Janice Canerdy
This is so funny--and very well-written. The plot moves along at a pleasing pace--with just enough detail. I kike the rhyme scheme.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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This is so funny--and very well-written. The plot moves along at a pleasing pace--with just enough detail. I kike the rhyme scheme.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much JC. I really appreciate it.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, dean , you did an excellent job writing this funny poem about the mayor who showed it all to his townspeople and didn't know it until the meeting, lol
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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this is very well written, dean , you did an excellent job writing this funny poem about the mayor who showed it all to his townspeople and didn't know it until the meeting, lol
Comment Written 23-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Thank you sweet. Poor guy, right?
Thanks again.
Comment from Black_Oxygen
This poetry is a fun read. It held my interest from
start to finish. The rhymes are not forced and it
flows smoothly. The attached illustration is a mirror
that reflects the message. Thank You for your creation.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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This poetry is a fun read. It held my interest from
start to finish. The rhymes are not forced and it
flows smoothly. The attached illustration is a mirror
that reflects the message. Thank You for your creation.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Thank you Black_Oxygen. I appreciate you giving this a look0see. It's very much appreciated.
Comment from visionary1234
oh how naughty - we used to have a preacher who was continuously hanging out (and I went to a church school)! What I liked about this was that you did it as a period piece - always fun.
Spags:
"Adjourned!",(can't use an excalamation mark PLUS a comma - there's also a spacing error here) he spat, feeling quite betrayed,
boiling anger,pent up,()he now displayed;
"You despicable fools,()you all will pay,
for this fun at me you're pokin(pokin'!")
"Away!" she cried, truly disparaged,
"Adjourned!", he spat, feeling quite betrayed,
boiling anger,pent up,he now displayed;
"You despicable fools,you all will pay,
for this fun at me you're pokin"!
"Away!" she cried, truly disparaged, - disparage means "to belittle, or make fun of" - not quite sure that word fits just here?
his trousers fly was broken! - is it a possessive? trousers' fly? not quite sure of this one!
But a lot of fun!
:)Sharyn
his trousers fly was broken!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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oh how naughty - we used to have a preacher who was continuously hanging out (and I went to a church school)! What I liked about this was that you did it as a period piece - always fun.
Spags:
"Adjourned!",(can't use an excalamation mark PLUS a comma - there's also a spacing error here) he spat, feeling quite betrayed,
boiling anger,pent up,()he now displayed;
"You despicable fools,()you all will pay,
for this fun at me you're pokin(pokin'!")
"Away!" she cried, truly disparaged,
"Adjourned!", he spat, feeling quite betrayed,
boiling anger,pent up,he now displayed;
"You despicable fools,you all will pay,
for this fun at me you're pokin"!
"Away!" she cried, truly disparaged, - disparage means "to belittle, or make fun of" - not quite sure that word fits just here?
his trousers fly was broken! - is it a possessive? trousers' fly? not quite sure of this one!
But a lot of fun!
:)Sharyn
his trousers fly was broken!
Comment Written 23-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Thanks visionary1234 for pointing out the SpAG. Thanks also for reading it and for such an awesome review. I will address any grammatical and punctuation errors straight away!
Thanks so much again.
Comment from Righteous Riter
I like the structure of this piece. The piece rhyme well and the flow of this piece is smooth. The writer does not force the rhyming which leads to good harmony. The photo represents this piece well as the writer delivers a message that is filled with humor.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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I like the structure of this piece. The piece rhyme well and the flow of this piece is smooth. The writer does not force the rhyming which leads to good harmony. The photo represents this piece well as the writer delivers a message that is filled with humor.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Thank you RR. I am so glad to hear that you think so. I appreciate it!
Comment from DRG24
Hahahah! Funny! I love the sense of Irony that was conveyed in the poem. Also I liked the rhyming (the a,a,a,b.) Personally I dislike the usage of an apostrophe in a verb such as chokin'. Otherwise, great job- you deserve a six out of six.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Hahahah! Funny! I love the sense of Irony that was conveyed in the poem. Also I liked the rhyming (the a,a,a,b.) Personally I dislike the usage of an apostrophe in a verb such as chokin'. Otherwise, great job- you deserve a six out of six.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Wow DRG24. I really appreciate that. Me thinks I may remove yon pesky apostrophe (that was my poets voice in case your were wondering.)However, should I do that then all of the punctuation experts will berate me. What to do...what to do? Ah-h-h heck, what's a little poetic license between friends, right?
Thanks again. I really do appreciate it!
Comment from emjaihammond
Perfect! This was such an entertaining poem, very humorous and done in very good fashion. I liked the rhyme scheme you used here. The stanzas flow nicely one to the next, taking the reader along on a very funny ride. I liked it very much. The picture is cute too.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Perfect! This was such an entertaining poem, very humorous and done in very good fashion. I liked the rhyme scheme you used here. The stanzas flow nicely one to the next, taking the reader along on a very funny ride. I liked it very much. The picture is cute too.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much for such a wonderful review. Believe it or not, I prefer to write short horror fiction, but it is often tinged with a bit of sarcastic humor. Think "RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD" in story form. That's me!
Thanks again, I greatly appreciate it!