Truth Games
A party game goes...wrong?15 total reviews
Comment from Dean Kuch
I truly believe, at least, I have to believe, Karen did, in fact, love Joey. I think when she told Julie that Joey was going to propose to her, and that she didn't love him in that way, what she was really saying was she wasn't ready to get married to anyone. I don't think it was "Joey-specific." Either that, or she has the worst case of multiple personality disorders the medical world has ever seen...
Great story, I was just as surprised as Julie was that she accepted.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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I truly believe, at least, I have to believe, Karen did, in fact, love Joey. I think when she told Julie that Joey was going to propose to her, and that she didn't love him in that way, what she was really saying was she wasn't ready to get married to anyone. I don't think it was "Joey-specific." Either that, or she has the worst case of multiple personality disorders the medical world has ever seen...
Great story, I was just as surprised as Julie was that she accepted.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thank you for your review, Dean, I think I need to do a lot of editing and re-writing. Thank you again. :) x
Comment from lancellot
The story is okay. It seems to be about a friend who either lies a lot or doesn't know herself.
This first paragraph here reads funny. I know this line should be in the present tense but it seems part present and part past.
It was just a silly game, but I was [am] beginning to feel rotten. I mean, why am I letting him carry on? I could [can] see how embarrassed he was [is] going to be, yet I'm standing here, not saying or doing anything to stop him. And worst of all, it was all my idea!"
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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The story is okay. It seems to be about a friend who either lies a lot or doesn't know herself.
This first paragraph here reads funny. I know this line should be in the present tense but it seems part present and part past.
It was just a silly game, but I was [am] beginning to feel rotten. I mean, why am I letting him carry on? I could [can] see how embarrassed he was [is] going to be, yet I'm standing here, not saying or doing anything to stop him. And worst of all, it was all my idea!"
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Thank you Lancellot for your review. It does need a lot of work, doesn't it. Once the contest is over I am going to do a lot of editing and rewriting. I have changed the different tenses you picked out, but I don't think I am allowed to do anything else yet. Thank you again. :) x
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Wow, That would be a very sticky situation for sure.
But as they say. All's well that ends well. It does leave us wondering what happened to change her mind between the talk and the party. That is a sign of good writing. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Wow, That would be a very sticky situation for sure.
But as they say. All's well that ends well. It does leave us wondering what happened to change her mind between the talk and the party. That is a sign of good writing. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Oh, Nancy, thank you. I am going to make this story longer and make a 'real' story out of it. I love it that you came and reviewed my story, and gave it a 6. It does need more doing to it and then I will hopefully really deserve your special 6 stars. Bless you my friend. x
Comment from jb wade
This is rather predictable. There are no surprises. This style and theme have been used many times over. I don't engage with any of the characters. The dialouge is flat.
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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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This is rather predictable. There are no surprises. This style and theme have been used many times over. I don't engage with any of the characters. The dialouge is flat.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2013
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Not a lot I can say, is there. I will be doing a lot of editing after the contest is over, can't yet. But thank you for pointing out faults, I am not one to take offence, rather I like to take criticism on board and if I agree with the persons view, I change or re-write accordingly. :0( x
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer uses all the words suggested to meet the criteria of this contest. The story grabs the readers attention from the beginning as the writer uses good transition between the events. The pace is steady and consistent as I see nothing that I would change in this chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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The writer uses all the words suggested to meet the criteria of this contest. The story grabs the readers attention from the beginning as the writer uses good transition between the events. The pace is steady and consistent as I see nothing that I would change in this chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2013
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Thank you so very much for your very kind review. :)
