Poems By AnnieDawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 68 "Lovers Tryst"My book of poems and stories
55 total reviews
Comment from Angels27
Ha ha...such a sweet poem and I imagine most of the lovers would have encountered such a scene. The eager anticipation when it boil downs to naught must be so very frustrating. Enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Ha ha...such a sweet poem and I imagine most of the lovers would have encountered such a scene. The eager anticipation when it boil downs to naught must be so very frustrating. Enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thank you for you review. I appreciate all comments for that is how I learn, thank you again.
Comment from princessbubblegum
Well well...that is unique...frock/cock
Odd juxtaposition of vernacular and pedantic but somehow it still works.
One minor detail from my insanely grammatical mind...there is a contradiction in tense in the first line, a bit jarring.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Well well...that is unique...frock/cock
Odd juxtaposition of vernacular and pedantic but somehow it still works.
One minor detail from my insanely grammatical mind...there is a contradiction in tense in the first line, a bit jarring.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thank you for you review. I appreciate all comments for that is how I learn, thank you again.
Comment from sunnilicious
Great narrative couplet. It is creative with good visual imagery. Public sex.... some see it as very erotic. Others view it as young behavior. Nicely done. Excellent work.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Great narrative couplet. It is creative with good visual imagery. Public sex.... some see it as very erotic. Others view it as young behavior. Nicely done. Excellent work.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, that's quite a story, Annie Dawn! Well rhymed, seductive and sultry...
Too bad the lovers were so inconveniently interrupted. I would have liked to hear the ending, although, I can pretty much guess how it all would turn out...
Good job, and best of luck to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Well, that's quite a story, Annie Dawn! Well rhymed, seductive and sultry...
Too bad the lovers were so inconveniently interrupted. I would have liked to hear the ending, although, I can pretty much guess how it all would turn out...
Good job, and best of luck to you in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from Eternal Muse
This was very good, but you should give a warning for some sexual content.
I think, you need an apostrophe here:
Awaiting lover's tongue its first sweet taste.
This was very sensual and stirred an intense reaction. A very fitting picture to accompany
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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This was very good, but you should give a warning for some sexual content.
I think, you need an apostrophe here:
Awaiting lover's tongue its first sweet taste.
This was very sensual and stirred an intense reaction. A very fitting picture to accompany
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from michaelcahill
in the third line how about "breathless haste" to make it rhyme as the rest of your piece does. just a thought. nice imagery throughout. the phrasing and pace are excellent for the flow of the story heating up and then quickly cooling off as things go awry. this is your natural ability at play which is a great asset for you to have. you also have a sense of humor that is subtle and charming that runs through the piece but doesn't take it over. another valuable asset that is also natural on your part. you have a great natural ability to write and tell a story. these are things that can't be taught. everything else can. that puts you miles ahead of the game. great job. mike
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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in the third line how about "breathless haste" to make it rhyme as the rest of your piece does. just a thought. nice imagery throughout. the phrasing and pace are excellent for the flow of the story heating up and then quickly cooling off as things go awry. this is your natural ability at play which is a great asset for you to have. you also have a sense of humor that is subtle and charming that runs through the piece but doesn't take it over. another valuable asset that is also natural on your part. you have a great natural ability to write and tell a story. these are things that can't be taught. everything else can. that puts you miles ahead of the game. great job. mike
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I enjoyed the little passion and the little humour... your couplets are very readable. I wish you the very best for the competition with your entry. Giddy
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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I enjoyed the little passion and the little humour... your couplets are very readable. I wish you the very best for the competition with your entry. Giddy
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from Mike Momba
Lovers tring to find a spot for the love to unfoldss. Going to so much trouble. At the finest hour they hear footsteps that render to their planed first time taste of love a mere meeting. Interesting. Good stanzas
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Lovers tring to find a spot for the love to unfoldss. Going to so much trouble. At the finest hour they hear footsteps that render to their planed first time taste of love a mere meeting. Interesting. Good stanzas
Comment Written 22-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from tfawcus
A titillating little escapade down lovers' lane! They probably had faces as pink as the dog roses in the hedgerows! Nicely erotic without going over the top! Lovely understated humour. In their excitement it seems that they forgot to rhyme the second couplet - I expect they had other things on their mind.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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A titillating little escapade down lovers' lane! They probably had faces as pink as the dog roses in the hedgerows! Nicely erotic without going over the top! Lovely understated humour. In their excitement it seems that they forgot to rhyme the second couplet - I expect they had other things on their mind.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
Comment from DALLAS01
You certainly did mixed it up. A little of everything. Nice rhyme and rhythm to this verse, and a surprise ending.
The art work is a great choice.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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You certainly did mixed it up. A little of everything. Nice rhyme and rhythm to this verse, and a surprise ending.
The art work is a great choice.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your review.
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You're welcome.