Massacre
a short story about the Indian Wars22 total reviews
Comment from Delores J. Howard
This was really, really, good. I enjoyed it tremendously. I hesitated to read it, but indeed I did. And once I started, I couldn't stop (the sign of a very good writer). Kudos--wonderful! As you said, they won that war--they won quite a few--but the white man always returned. My grandmother was the daughter of a Cherokee medicine man. I remember her making teas and chest rubs for me as a child, (out of herbs and things she would find in nature). None of us had sense enough to write down her knowledge. I grieve for all Indians of all nations. Wonderful piece.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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This was really, really, good. I enjoyed it tremendously. I hesitated to read it, but indeed I did. And once I started, I couldn't stop (the sign of a very good writer). Kudos--wonderful! As you said, they won that war--they won quite a few--but the white man always returned. My grandmother was the daughter of a Cherokee medicine man. I remember her making teas and chest rubs for me as a child, (out of herbs and things she would find in nature). None of us had sense enough to write down her knowledge. I grieve for all Indians of all nations. Wonderful piece.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thank you, Delores, for your marvelous review and the anecdote about your grandmother's mother. I truly appreciate the kudos.
Comment from Nomar Chagrin
Intriguing and very informative. I'd never heard of this massacre but you depicted it with chilling realism, even though it's as fictionalized version. Also a nice depiction of the Native American side to the conflict.
~ Jack
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Intriguing and very informative. I'd never heard of this massacre but you depicted it with chilling realism, even though it's as fictionalized version. Also a nice depiction of the Native American side to the conflict.
~ Jack
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thank you Jack, for your kind praise and for seeing my attempt to show both sides.
Comment from Terrie DeGolier
I enjoyed the story, the picture you chose is fitting; it is as if the horse and rider are in a victory dance. Your description of the massacre seemed authentic, could picture the arrows flying. Very good reading. Terrie
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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I enjoyed the story, the picture you chose is fitting; it is as if the horse and rider are in a victory dance. Your description of the massacre seemed authentic, could picture the arrows flying. Very good reading. Terrie
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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So glad you were able to visualize the action. Thank you for your great review.
Comment from maggieadams
You have captured a moment in history with almost poetic imagery: wolves chasing hapless hares; braves were ghosts; a thousand arrows flew; soaked in silence...You also used "sound" words giving the reader an audible of this battle: screaming taunts, exploded, slapping heels, hooves thundered, yipping, bullets flew, howled. This is excellent writing. If kids could read this in their history books, they would find history their most riveting subject.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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You have captured a moment in history with almost poetic imagery: wolves chasing hapless hares; braves were ghosts; a thousand arrows flew; soaked in silence...You also used "sound" words giving the reader an audible of this battle: screaming taunts, exploded, slapping heels, hooves thundered, yipping, bullets flew, howled. This is excellent writing. If kids could read this in their history books, they would find history their most riveting subject.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Maggie, thank you so much for this superlative review and for your close, CLOSE reading of the story.
Comment from A Matter Of Words
This well-written story had me on my seat. The words flowed across the page smoothly allowing the reader to move as quickly as the action. An excellent war story entry. Excellent.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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This well-written story had me on my seat. The words flowed across the page smoothly allowing the reader to move as quickly as the action. An excellent war story entry. Excellent.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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I. Am delighted you not enjoyed the fast-paced action. Since I only had 500 words to work with, I tried to make each one count. Thank you for sharing.
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You are very welcome. Best of luck in this one.
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. I love the story. The white man greatly underestimated the Indian. The white man thought them dumb because they were heathens. The white man thought them weaker because the white man had better weapons. What they did not realize is that they were taking everything away from the Indians. The Indians began to fight because they no longer had anything to lose. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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I love the picture. I love the story. The white man greatly underestimated the Indian. The white man thought them dumb because they were heathens. The white man thought them weaker because the white man had better weapons. What they did not realize is that they were taking everything away from the Indians. The Indians began to fight because they no longer had anything to lose. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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I am delighted you enjoyed the story, nelliesellie, and I enjoyed your commentary.
Thank you.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Extremely well told, personalized and brought to life.
Very well done.
Loved the emotion you created by these three words...'soaked in silence.'
Did not like that Crazy horse 'wheeled' his horse around. Though I'm fully aware that this is perfectly acceptable and correct, the word brought other images to mind of a different era.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Extremely well told, personalized and brought to life.
Very well done.
Loved the emotion you created by these three words...'soaked in silence.'
Did not like that Crazy horse 'wheeled' his horse around. Though I'm fully aware that this is perfectly acceptable and correct, the word brought other images to mind of a different era.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thank you, Spiritual Echo, for your kind praise and perceptive comment. I will definitely give "wheeled" more thought. I am sure I could have used a better word.
Comment from Sylvia Page
A war story filled with suspense, massacre and mutilation of the already dead. What a terrible time would it have been during that period. A story well said.
Best wishes in the contest.
Cheers,
Sylvia
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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A war story filled with suspense, massacre and mutilation of the already dead. What a terrible time would it have been during that period. A story well said.
Best wishes in the contest.
Cheers,
Sylvia
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thank you, Sylvia, for sharing my story and reviewing. The Indian wars have always fascinated me for the reason you stated: it was indeed a "terrible time" for both sides.
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
A very good portrayal of what had happened at he Fetterman Massacre. Well written and it transports the reader to that time. No battle or war is ever pleasant. Well done on a fine entry and the best of luck.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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A very good portrayal of what had happened at he Fetterman Massacre. Well written and it transports the reader to that time. No battle or war is ever pleasant. Well done on a fine entry and the best of luck.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thank you for your high praise and encouragement. I am delighted you liked the story.
Comment from Ben Colder
Much to blame for this situation. Have you visited the place? interesting subject of the times. Well written piece . The photo is handsomely done. Shalom my friend.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Much to blame for this situation. Have you visited the place? interesting subject of the times. Well written piece . The photo is handsomely done. Shalom my friend.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thank you for your kind praise. No, I have never visited the site, but it's on my bucket list.