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Viewing comments for Chapter 60 "Unaware"
Assorted poetry

11 total reviews 
Comment from innerworlds
Good
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I really like this poem and would have given it another star in the rating except for four words.

You have so brilliantly set up the cuteness of a baby duckling waddling along and then sprinkled us with growing apprehension as it crosses the highway. The car is indifferent to this fuzzy little baby, but the children inside the car panic in their helplessness to help it avoid the coming danger. At this point, I was hoping the driver would yank hard on the steering wheel or slam on the brakes... but instead, he is creating a laundry issue. My point: If your intention was to relieve the anxiety just created by using a sudden change in focus, I think it was too sudden. And by keeping the suspense increasing instead, it could have set up an even greater relief for us to feel when the duckling is not injured and indeed, is as oblivious to the car as it was to him. Just the same, I thought this piece was very well written. The photo was a great mood starter, too! Thanks for sharing this!

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 Comment Written 17-Jun-2014


reply by the author on 17-Jun-2014
    The tiny duckling

    Waddles across the highway

    Unforgiving car

    Kids scream; car skids to curb

    Flat duckling pressed into tread