A Mother's Crime
A public service warning27 total reviews
Comment from ashimpandit
Dear friends,
You wrote a unique concept"A Mother's Crime".That is a different literature of world. I just read it and enjoy very successfully. Dear you used some meaning words and make it very crazily.Good by.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Dear friends,
You wrote a unique concept"A Mother's Crime".That is a different literature of world. I just read it and enjoy very successfully. Dear you used some meaning words and make it very crazily.Good by.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Ouch! Oh well. This is my fault. I did not change the settings.
Comment from jandeck
This tale sure takes irony to the max. The story draws you in immediately as you learn about the missing knife and the pregnant girl. Good job!
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This tale sure takes irony to the max. The story draws you in immediately as you learn about the missing knife and the pregnant girl. Good job!
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. Great twist to this. I like the small insights to the character..her momwas a good foil. Ouch withthe door...and the rest left up tou the imagination. Good luck.
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Hi. Great twist to this. I like the small insights to the character..her momwas a good foil. Ouch withthe door...and the rest left up tou the imagination. Good luck.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
Comment from Judy Couch
It's an interesting story with an unusual twist at the end. It was unclear to me what killed her. Was she hit by the door when it opened? You wrote well and told the story in a clear and understandable manner.
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It's an interesting story with an unusual twist at the end. It was unclear to me what killed her. Was she hit by the door when it opened? You wrote well and told the story in a clear and understandable manner.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
Comment from Goodauthor
This is a very interesting story. Do you intend to expand on this story? I'd like to see where you take it. Good grammar made it easy to read. Although the subject is not a new one. Your particular twist makes the reader want to read more. Good luck in the contest.
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This is a very interesting story. Do you intend to expand on this story? I'd like to see where you take it. Good grammar made it easy to read. Although the subject is not a new one. Your particular twist makes the reader want to read more. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
Comment from royowen
I enjoyed this entry in this "assassinate me a killer" contest, the story was well written, it had a great surprise ending, and fulfilled the purposes of the contest, the character(s) in the narrative were clearly defined, the plot followed the logical course until the final moments and then the twist in the tail! Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
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I enjoyed this entry in this "assassinate me a killer" contest, the story was well written, it had a great surprise ending, and fulfilled the purposes of the contest, the character(s) in the narrative were clearly defined, the plot followed the logical course until the final moments and then the twist in the tail! Well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
Comment from adewpearl
Dunkin Donuts - that's the way the brand is spelled
Relax, little guy - add comma for direct address
steel blade, and thought - drop the comma
knife with the trash again? - add question mark
do you have to smoke? - add question mark
how do you know, you're - drop the comma
slipped into the purse, and gripped - drop the comma
thank you, Jesus - add comma for direct address
reached up, and smashed - add comma
She winced, as the eight - drop the comma
I'm confused - if her plan was to kill the woman at closing time and she knew when closing time was, why was she waiting in her car for three hours? Why not just show up closer to closing time?
This also doesn't sound like an assassin/hit woman but a wife who wants to get rid of the person having an affair with her husband
An interesting twist in the end as the intended victim kills the wife instead and figures out a story to get away with it
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Dunkin Donuts - that's the way the brand is spelled
Relax, little guy - add comma for direct address
steel blade, and thought - drop the comma
knife with the trash again? - add question mark
do you have to smoke? - add question mark
how do you know, you're - drop the comma
slipped into the purse, and gripped - drop the comma
thank you, Jesus - add comma for direct address
reached up, and smashed - add comma
She winced, as the eight - drop the comma
I'm confused - if her plan was to kill the woman at closing time and she knew when closing time was, why was she waiting in her car for three hours? Why not just show up closer to closing time?
This also doesn't sound like an assassin/hit woman but a wife who wants to get rid of the person having an affair with her husband
An interesting twist in the end as the intended victim kills the wife instead and figures out a story to get away with it
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2014
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Thank you very much. I have to put you on my staff. You are a great editor.
Comment from dennis0530
A planned murder gone bad and reversed.
The baby did gain a mommy and a daddy but not how Tina envisioned it. With the planned victim turning a savior, maybe then she deserves to be the mommy.
The moral of the story? Keep sharp ojects away from children.
A minor glitch for correction:
change "winched" to WINCED
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A planned murder gone bad and reversed.
The baby did gain a mommy and a daddy but not how Tina envisioned it. With the planned victim turning a savior, maybe then she deserves to be the mommy.
The moral of the story? Keep sharp ojects away from children.
A minor glitch for correction:
change "winched" to WINCED
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
Comment from JM
Your picture of the angry (mean) baby is adorable. Your tale is chilling and you held my attention. I was worried the baby was going to be the victim. I wanted to ask you about one very minor possible edit.
"No tramp is going [?] take your daddy away from us." Is the word TO missing?
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Your picture of the angry (mean) baby is adorable. Your tale is chilling and you held my attention. I was worried the baby was going to be the victim. I wanted to ask you about one very minor possible edit.
"No tramp is going [?] take your daddy away from us." Is the word TO missing?
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014
Comment from GeraldS
Wow! That baby wanted out! She definitely had the genes of the mother and grandmother. I guess that's what second hand smoke will do to a fetus. I think the baby was the assassin in this piece. Kind of a female Chucky. She wanted a doughnut pretty bad, but mama wouldn't cooperate. This was a powerful piece that left me with a powerful taste for doughnuts. Unfortunately, my wife, the mother of my children, won't allow me to have any doughnuts. She says that I have no will power and will never stop at one, or even two, or three for that matter. So here I sit, doughnut deprived.
Good luck in the contest!
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Wow! That baby wanted out! She definitely had the genes of the mother and grandmother. I guess that's what second hand smoke will do to a fetus. I think the baby was the assassin in this piece. Kind of a female Chucky. She wanted a doughnut pretty bad, but mama wouldn't cooperate. This was a powerful piece that left me with a powerful taste for doughnuts. Unfortunately, my wife, the mother of my children, won't allow me to have any doughnuts. She says that I have no will power and will never stop at one, or even two, or three for that matter. So here I sit, doughnut deprived.
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 26-Aug-2014