Happiness Is . . .
The power of a distorted view.30 total reviews
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hello Dr. Nad,
I appreciate the truth you brought to the page in this thought about our perception of self. Body image may be one of the biggest challenges people face in their lives, but we never see our true selves because all we see are our flaws.
You give solid advice in the end of this piece, with the thought that a strong faith will deliver the soul, is well portrayed.
Your meter could be tightened up a bit. Rhyming poetry is enhanced by a steady rhyme scheme in each line. Try choosing a meter count that repeats through each quatrain, like an 8/8/8/8 or an 8/6/8/6. Your placement of multi-syllable words in the sentence will help, also. I know it's tough, because I was given the same advice when I started writing. It has been very satisfying learning this technique, and I wish you success in your future endeavors.
Happy Holidays to you and your family, Bill
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
  |
Hello Dr. Nad,
I appreciate the truth you brought to the page in this thought about our perception of self. Body image may be one of the biggest challenges people face in their lives, but we never see our true selves because all we see are our flaws.
You give solid advice in the end of this piece, with the thought that a strong faith will deliver the soul, is well portrayed.
Your meter could be tightened up a bit. Rhyming poetry is enhanced by a steady rhyme scheme in each line. Try choosing a meter count that repeats through each quatrain, like an 8/8/8/8 or an 8/6/8/6. Your placement of multi-syllable words in the sentence will help, also. I know it's tough, because I was given the same advice when I started writing. It has been very satisfying learning this technique, and I wish you success in your future endeavors.
Happy Holidays to you and your family, Bill
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement!
Comment from harmony13
Excellent Poem! The author using humor and creates a great message for all. The poem flows and connects well. The author's words are humorous, descriptive and so true. The reader identified and pondered on the words of this poem.
The artwork is perfect and compliments the theme of this poem.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
|
Excellent Poem! The author using humor and creates a great message for all. The poem flows and connects well. The author's words are humorous, descriptive and so true. The reader identified and pondered on the words of this poem.
The artwork is perfect and compliments the theme of this poem.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement!
Comment from mfowler
This very well composed poem teaches a wise lesson about acceptance of what God has given you, while entertaining with a litany of descriptions of how people become dissatisfied with parts of themself that don't live up to their own self imposed standards. A good entry; I wish you luck in the vote.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
|
This very well composed poem teaches a wise lesson about acceptance of what God has given you, while entertaining with a litany of descriptions of how people become dissatisfied with parts of themself that don't live up to their own self imposed standards. A good entry; I wish you luck in the vote.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement!
Comment from JPilcher
Very well done!! Rhythm and flow was spot on - and considering the length of this thing - that screams to me talent frankly. I'm an uber visual person here though, so not so sure how I feel about the red font (which I'd recommend increasing in size because several of us tend to do review on our phones, and if I were on mine right now, I'd of skipped this simply because of that, very much unfortunately of course!).
Increase font size, and this will be the first time I say this but- bold your letters and change them to black (in my opinion at least!) and you have a winner right here. Again, in my opinion but.. Doesn't hurt to play around with it, right? It can always be changed back you know!! ;)
PS- "or to tiny and petite" - 5th stanza, 2nd sentence change "to" to "too". ;)
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
|
Very well done!! Rhythm and flow was spot on - and considering the length of this thing - that screams to me talent frankly. I'm an uber visual person here though, so not so sure how I feel about the red font (which I'd recommend increasing in size because several of us tend to do review on our phones, and if I were on mine right now, I'd of skipped this simply because of that, very much unfortunately of course!).
Increase font size, and this will be the first time I say this but- bold your letters and change them to black (in my opinion at least!) and you have a winner right here. Again, in my opinion but.. Doesn't hurt to play around with it, right? It can always be changed back you know!! ;)
PS- "or to tiny and petite" - 5th stanza, 2nd sentence change "to" to "too". ;)
Comment Written 19-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement! Please review my changes and tell me if that was what you were trying to help me do. I DID NOT know that stuff! You are teaching me!
Comment from acerisestory
Very well stated, mystery poet! Your last stanza says it all, and yet we are never happy with what we have.
Your abcb rhyming is perfect;
Your lines flow well with the use of alliteration and enjambment;
Your picture is a perfect enhancement for your words.
Third stanza, fourth line: no comma after you;
Fifth stanza, second line: (too) tiny.
This is a strong entry for the contest. Best of luck! Alana
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
|
Very well stated, mystery poet! Your last stanza says it all, and yet we are never happy with what we have.
Your abcb rhyming is perfect;
Your lines flow well with the use of alliteration and enjambment;
Your picture is a perfect enhancement for your words.
Third stanza, fourth line: no comma after you;
Fifth stanza, second line: (too) tiny.
This is a strong entry for the contest. Best of luck! Alana
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement!
Comment from scd41
Your poem is a nice inspirational entry for the contest. Mirrors do not always tell the true story. One should be happy with what he has instead of lamenting on what he does not have. Trying to be someone else or please others does not help in the long run. The bottom line is 'Be happy with what you have'.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
|
Your poem is a nice inspirational entry for the contest. Mirrors do not always tell the true story. One should be happy with what he has instead of lamenting on what he does not have. Trying to be someone else or please others does not help in the long run. The bottom line is 'Be happy with what you have'.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement!
Comment from Quoiky
I loved this. The poem flowed very well - and I KNOW you're talking about me, especially with the picture. It even kinda has my shape.....short and squatty. I look forward to more of your work. The only thing negative I could find was the misspelling of 'too'. ...in 'your nose is too pug or too tiny'.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
 |
I loved this. The poem flowed very well - and I KNOW you're talking about me, especially with the picture. It even kinda has my shape.....short and squatty. I look forward to more of your work. The only thing negative I could find was the misspelling of 'too'. ...in 'your nose is too pug or too tiny'.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement!
Comment from Carole Rosa
To the author of "Happiness Is . . ." No truer words were ever spoken. Coming from a short and fat person's opinion, when I look in the mirror, your words tell my story!! Great poem. Good luck in the contest. Carole
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
|
To the author of "Happiness Is . . ." No truer words were ever spoken. Coming from a short and fat person's opinion, when I look in the mirror, your words tell my story!! Great poem. Good luck in the contest. Carole
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement!
Comment from rjpurdy
Nicely said mystery author. Life really is about perception and we can be our own worst enemy. Your poem flows well with good progression. The rhyming is natural and unforced giving your voice authenticity. Best wishes in the voting. rj
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
|
Nicely said mystery author. Life really is about perception and we can be our own worst enemy. Your poem flows well with good progression. The rhyming is natural and unforced giving your voice authenticity. Best wishes in the voting. rj
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement!
-
The pleasure is mine Doc. Your gratitude is inspiring. You are a welcome addition to this fine community.
~Peace & Grace~ Rod
Comment from Glasstruth
The mirror shows what we don't want to see. We all have an image of who we'd like to be. You bring up pretty much a complete list of all we hate to see. Nice rhyming and flow throughout. Thanks for sharing. Les
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
|
The mirror shows what we don't want to see. We all have an image of who we'd like to be. You bring up pretty much a complete list of all we hate to see. Nice rhyming and flow throughout. Thanks for sharing. Les
Comment Written 18-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2014
Thanks for sharing taking your precious time and effort to read and review ?Happiness Is . . .? There are so many wonderful works and writers on this site that you and I know we cannot get to them all. Not only did you find my work and review it, you left me with 5 wonderful stars and comments that are working to improve my writing skills. Thank YOU again for your encouragement!
