Tales Of Darkness And Light
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Grave Of Time"Finding Light Through Shadowed Paths
16 total reviews
Comment from sgalletti
Hi! Love the imagery and message in this lovely sonnet. Excellent consonance and rhyme throughout. Generally good, consistent meter. Two place I tripped up a bit: "mortal being must face" and "abyss, all dimensions look dead." I may be off on the scansion, but you might want to check again yourself. Great volta in the third stanza and excellent final couplet. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
  |
Hi! Love the imagery and message in this lovely sonnet. Excellent consonance and rhyme throughout. Generally good, consistent meter. Two place I tripped up a bit: "mortal being must face" and "abyss, all dimensions look dead." I may be off on the scansion, but you might want to check again yourself. Great volta in the third stanza and excellent final couplet. Best of luck in the contest. Sue
Comment Written 23-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
-
Thanks for dropping by, Sue. I appreciate your thoughtful comments about this sonnet. About the first line you mentioned, it sounds fine to my ears. I read it as: "MORtal BEING must FACE." May be it's because of different accents. Glad to know you enjoyed this one. Enjoy the weekend! :)
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from judiverse
This is lovely. Excellent ABAB rhyme throughout, and the words are lovely and well chosen. The grave of time is a sad phrase. You create a sense of despair with words like mournful echoes and dismal sands. Footprints getting washed by silver tides reminds one of mortality. Great concluding couplet. In third stanza, the rhythm seems off a bit in the line "unveiling plays this mortal being must face." I think it has an extra syllable. Maybe something like "unveiling plays this lone mortal must face." Take a look at the line and see what you think. judi
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
 |
This is lovely. Excellent ABAB rhyme throughout, and the words are lovely and well chosen. The grave of time is a sad phrase. You create a sense of despair with words like mournful echoes and dismal sands. Footprints getting washed by silver tides reminds one of mortality. Great concluding couplet. In third stanza, the rhythm seems off a bit in the line "unveiling plays this mortal being must face." I think it has an extra syllable. Maybe something like "unveiling plays this lone mortal must face." Take a look at the line and see what you think. judi
Comment Written 23-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
-
Thanks for this thoughtful review and the glowing stars, Judi. I had a look at the line you mentioned. I read it as: "unVEILing PLAYS this MORtal BEING must FACE." This gives a total of ten syllables.
So pleased you found the phrasing and imagery effective. Hope you're doing well. Have a great weekend! :)
Regards,
Anupam
-
You're very welcome. I believe I was counting being as two syllables. Beautifully worded poem. judi
Comment from daeneam
This is a great entry to the Sonnet Poetry Contest and I hope will do well in the contest.
I agree with you and I like the third stanza. Life is truly a series of ups and downs and all that makes life worth living. Good luck! c", Mae
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
|
This is a great entry to the Sonnet Poetry Contest and I hope will do well in the contest.
I agree with you and I like the third stanza. Life is truly a series of ups and downs and all that makes life worth living. Good luck! c", Mae
Comment Written 23-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
-
Thanks for reading and reviewing, Mae. Glad you enjoyed this. Have a great weekend! :)
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from dmt1967
I enjoyed reading this poem and liked the sing song rhyme theme the port has going on. I liked the picture and the way it blends in with the background color and picture. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
|
I enjoyed reading this poem and liked the sing song rhyme theme the port has going on. I liked the picture and the way it blends in with the background color and picture. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
-
Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Taffspride
So well penned my friend a sonnet that is full of imagery. You have painted such a picture in my minds eye.
I read it aloud several times, and really like the way it sounds. There is something Shakespearean about it. While I like the entire sonnet, there were lines that really stood .
While roaming 'cross these dismal sands I see
my footprints getting washed by silver tides.
But I think it is the couplet that really stands out, it summarizes the sonnet, but gives the reader pause for thought, while presenting a powerful message.
Very good luck in the contest.
Iechyd da
Ann
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
|
So well penned my friend a sonnet that is full of imagery. You have painted such a picture in my minds eye.
I read it aloud several times, and really like the way it sounds. There is something Shakespearean about it. While I like the entire sonnet, there were lines that really stood .
While roaming 'cross these dismal sands I see
my footprints getting washed by silver tides.
But I think it is the couplet that really stands out, it summarizes the sonnet, but gives the reader pause for thought, while presenting a powerful message.
Very good luck in the contest.
Iechyd da
Ann
Comment Written 23-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2015
-
Thanks for this insightful review, dear friend. So glad you stopped by to read this. Thanks for sharing which lines resonated with you the most. I appreciate your kind comments and the glowing stars. Have a great weekend!
Regards,
Anupam
-
:)
Comment from Jacob Collins
A cleverly constructed piece of writing. I liked the imagery that you created in this piece particularly the sentences: 'I see my footprints getting washed by silver tides', 'the waves of loneliness dragged ashore my soul.' An excellent entry to the competition, good luck...Jacob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2015
|
A cleverly constructed piece of writing. I liked the imagery that you created in this piece particularly the sentences: 'I see my footprints getting washed by silver tides', 'the waves of loneliness dragged ashore my soul.' An excellent entry to the competition, good luck...Jacob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2015
-
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Jacob. I appreciate your comments.
