Comment from sandragee

Excellent

No blood, no gore, but still as scary as hell with the creepy voice. So who or what wants to play with Frankie?
My favorite line '...an idea came over Frankie like divine revelation upon a sinner during a church revival meeting'.
Flash fiction is about the unexpected ending and your last line doesn't disappoint. Good writing.

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015

Thank you, Sandra. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.--Dean

Comment from DALLAS01

Excellent

I really like these small condensed versions. Simply amazing how you can build suspense in so few words. The elongated dialogue is a geat addition to the mood. Ther is something really creepy about children in danger, it evokes a different kind of fright.

 Comment Written 26-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015

Thanks, Dallas. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.--Dean

reply by DALLAS01 on 26-Jul-2015

:-)

Comment from Shirley E Kennedy

Excellent

Well, I always new I was afraid of things that lurked in the dark for a reason.
Now you've gone and made me re-think friendships as well.
Nice one Dean.
Perfectly sculpted tiny tale of terror.
:) Shirley

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015

Thank you, Shirley. I'm happy you enjoyed reading the story. Thanks for your comments.--Dean

Comment from sharonmealler

Exceptional

This was a great story, full of suspense and drama. You can really feel the boy's uneasiness build into terror. Then the revelation that it really wasn't his friend. The imagery of the setting was very clear. I really liked the description of the time of day. It is just an all around great story. Well Done!!!!

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015

Thanks, Sharon, I really appreciate your very complimentary review, as well as your generous six star rating. But even more than all of that, I'm just really happy that you enjoyed the story.
Thanks so much again, all is sincerely appreciated.
~Dean :}

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

Good one Dean, it reminded me of our kids playing murder in the dark, giving each other nightmares. I almost jumped along with Frankie when he ran back inside.Love the line - his head swam faster than an Olympian..... great read. The book is going well.

valda

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015

I appreciate you reading this latest addition to the Tales, Pearl. I'm glad you liked it. --Dean

Comment from MsPetra

Excellent

Once again you did your thing with this offering. I complement your work.
You held my attention throughout. I was compelled to keep reading. I wanted to see where you would take it. You did not disappoint. Well done on that regard. I really look forward to your posts.
There was one little thing I noticed. It is a quick fix should you choose to.
It is at the very end. It concerns the sentence "The first faint trickles of urine run down Frankie's inner thigh....." Shouldn't it be "The first faint trickles of urine ran down Frankie's inner thigh...." The rest of the story is in past tense.
Other than that, this is a great read, especially late at night.
Please keep writing. I will be looking for your next post.

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015

Thanks, MsPetra. That's very kind of you to say.
I appreciate you for reading this latest installment to the TToT series. I made the correction you mentioned as well. You are indeed correct.
Thanks again.--Dean

Comment from indigloaura

Exceptional

I love this. I normally don't like horror/thriller stories, but I was genuinely disappointed when this ended.
My favorite part was the use of the term "lunkhead". I'll admit, I may plagiarize that.

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015

Well, I got the term from a Stephen King story in the 1983 movie, Creepshow, Indigloaura. So, I can't take all the credit. In one of the segments titled, "It'll Grow On Ya", King plays Jordy Verril, a nit-wit red-necked hillbilly-type, who finds a meteorite, then gets meteor "juice" all over his hands after he dumps a bucket of water on it to cool it off. The thing splits open and when he picks it up, he spills the luminescent blue-green fluid pooling inside out of the two halves onto the ground. It gets all over his hands, and everywhere he touches (including himself-- ahem), alien weeds begin to grow. He eventually becomes an itchy, ugly, giant human weed. After getting the stuff all over his hands, King exclaims, "Oh Jordy, you lunkhead!"

And... a new word is born, heh-heh...

Thanks again for giving my story a shot, and for the excellent rating. It is doubly sweet seeing that you don't normally read horror stories. I'm very glad you decided to try this one on for size.
~Dean :}

Comment from GWHARGIS

Exceptional

You would have enjoyed what I went through last night. My beagle got loose and I had to play a little manhunt of my oen. I kept hearing giggling and footsteps all coming from behind me. It didn't matter which direction I turned. This was a great big taste of suspense in a tiny terror. Well written. Gretchen

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015

YIKES, Gert! What the heck was doin' it--where were they coming from? Or did you stick around long enough to find out?

I wouldn't have, lol.

Thanks for reading my tamer tiny tale. No one dies in this one--no blood, guts or gore. Just an old-fashioned, campfire type ghost story. Thanks for the sixer, and for sharing that creepy experience with me. B-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r!
~Dean :}

Comment from Ridley Williams

Excellent

Taste of fresh air? ...yeah, but it's no fair when the fresh air outside wants to "taste" you back, lol.

Hey, Dean, this was a good one, buddy. Loved the "divine revelation" simile in the opening of the story...nice!

I also enjoyed the way you picked an old childhood game to frame the write. Most people could relate to the setting which draws the reader into the story more easily.

This one drew a shiver when Frankie was talking to the "bushman". I figured he had already eaten Jimmy, but you did a good job of turning the tables on the reader.

Another great chapter for the book, DeanO...looks like it's getting pretty thick these days :)

Bill

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 26-Jul-2015

Thank you, Bill.
Yeah, the book is getting some heft to it now.
I'm really glad you liked the story, and thanks again for reading--Dean

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I can promise you, I will never go outside while playing hide-n-go-seek. Of course, at my age I won't be playing either, probably. Once again you did a wonderful job writing your post.

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015

Aw, c'mon, Barbara, it's a lot of fun. I still play ( we really do call it manhunt ), even to this day. It keeps me young at heart, LOL.
Thanks a bunch for reading and reviewing this more tame chapter of Tiny Tales. I really am glad you enjoyed it.
~Dean :)