Refuge In Death
Minute Poem21 total reviews
Comment from poetadeu
Yes, he was saved by death as he struggled until
the last breath, yet in death his tortured moments
ended and lay in the lapping waters as though he
was merely taking a nap. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Yes, he was saved by death as he struggled until
the last breath, yet in death his tortured moments
ended and lay in the lapping waters as though he
was merely taking a nap. Best wishes.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reading and good luck wishes! I appreciate it.
Regards,
Anupam
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Scary pen you have...
LOL:}-Joyce
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Scary pen you have...
LOL:}-Joyce
Comment from JudyS
Anupam, This is an awesome poem. You evoked so much of the sadness of the situation with the deaths of the small boys. Very well done, best of luck in the contest. Judy
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Anupam, This is an awesome poem. You evoked so much of the sadness of the situation with the deaths of the small boys. Very well done, best of luck in the contest. Judy
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reading and the generous, shimmery stars. I'm glad you found it impacting. Thanks for your good luck wishes. Have a great weekend.
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello The Death I must say you have a very well written minute poem that makes a reader realize the horror of
refuges found in lap of death;
the world took breath
in grief to snap
their timeless nap.
Gert
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Hello The Death I must say you have a very well written minute poem that makes a reader realize the horror of
refuges found in lap of death;
the world took breath
in grief to snap
their timeless nap.
Gert
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reading and reviewing, Gert. I appreciate your comments.
Regards,
Anupam
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You are welcome Anupam
Gert
Comment from mumsyone
I think you have a winner here, Anupam. At least it is in my eyes. Good (but sad) subject matter, but a well written minute poem. Good luck in the contest! Beautiful photo too.
Lois
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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I think you have a winner here, Anupam. At least it is in my eyes. Good (but sad) subject matter, but a well written minute poem. Good luck in the contest! Beautiful photo too.
Lois
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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That's so kind of you to have said that, Lois. I'm pleased to know you found the poem touching. I appreciate your comments and the generous, shimmery stars. Sorry for the delay, bit I've been busy with work. Will catch up shortly. Enjoy the weekend.
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is a well done poem on such a sad subject: the drowning of those children and their mother while trying to flee to safer shores. An excellent line is "one lethal chance," The minute poem correctly uses iambic meter, which a minute poem should have. Good luck to you in the contest, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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This is a well done poem on such a sad subject: the drowning of those children and their mother while trying to flee to safer shores. An excellent line is "one lethal chance," The minute poem correctly uses iambic meter, which a minute poem should have. Good luck to you in the contest, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2015
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Thanks for this lovely review, Jeanie. I appreciate your kind comments and good luck wishes, too.
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from Eric1
Hi Anupam, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, Your wonderful well chosen words should see this do really well, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Hi Anupam, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, Your wonderful well chosen words should see this do really well, I wish you the best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reading and reviewing, Eric. I appreciate your comments and good luck wishes.
Regards,
Anupam
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You are very welcome my friend.
Comment from rama devi
I've seen quite a number of poems about Little Aylan lately..and this is one of the best additions to them. It also makes a powerful minute poem. Great rhymes. Almost flawless meter. Fluid flow. Fine alliteration and consonance (especially of M and S and L in first stanza(plus cousin sound soft C); B in second stanza)
They found refuge in lap of death;)
for souls to break away from threats,
and sail new bets...
which turned around
in minutes' bound.
*scansion forced on REFUGE as it should have the first syllable accented, not eh second.
REfuge not reFUGE
They found refuge in lap of death;
This is a poignant and memorable closing line:
their timeless nap.
Impacting write. Stunning presentation. IT just needs a a tweak on meter...though most readers may not notice...
Good luck!
Namaste,
rd
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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I've seen quite a number of poems about Little Aylan lately..and this is one of the best additions to them. It also makes a powerful minute poem. Great rhymes. Almost flawless meter. Fluid flow. Fine alliteration and consonance (especially of M and S and L in first stanza(plus cousin sound soft C); B in second stanza)
They found refuge in lap of death;)
for souls to break away from threats,
and sail new bets...
which turned around
in minutes' bound.
*scansion forced on REFUGE as it should have the first syllable accented, not eh second.
REfuge not reFUGE
They found refuge in lap of death;
This is a poignant and memorable closing line:
their timeless nap.
Impacting write. Stunning presentation. IT just needs a a tweak on meter...though most readers may not notice...
Good luck!
Namaste,
rd
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thanks for your wonderful review, dear friend. Glad you found this minute poem impacting. When I came across those pics of Aylan, I was quite moved...so this one flowed on its own.
I hate to say this but I pronounce it as reFUGE...as our diction differs. However, to be on the safe side, I can have:
With refuge found in lap of death
Please let me know your views about this. Always love hearing from you. :)
Regards,
Anupam
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Yes--I like the edit. I suggest consulting a dictionary to be sure. I've got intense tooth pain from dentist...so can't take time for extra effort right now. I like your edit. :) Heading off the sleep.
Regards, rd
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Oh! I can relate to tooth pain - even I'm having frequent pain but you know what...I'm afraid of dentists hehe! Will change that line now. Take care! :)
Namaste,
Anupam
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Sorry you have pain...really should see a dentist...as it can get worse! Namaste, rd
Comment from Joyce Long
This was so sad to read and then when you added your notes, it becomes even sadder. Life if difficult and more so for some.
Thank you for sharing. However, I was reminded of others trying to find a better world and trying to escape the world that they were born into. "One lethal chance." What a very sad comment. One chance and it with high risks.
You did a great job with this poem.
Joyce 9-22-15
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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This was so sad to read and then when you added your notes, it becomes even sadder. Life if difficult and more so for some.
Thank you for sharing. However, I was reminded of others trying to find a better world and trying to escape the world that they were born into. "One lethal chance." What a very sad comment. One chance and it with high risks.
You did a great job with this poem.
Joyce 9-22-15
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Joyce. Glad you could relate to the central idea of the poem. I appreciate your comments.
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello :)
Beautiful poem to honor the family of Syrians. I wrote about little Aylan too. I like that in your author notes you name, Galip Kurdi, Aylan and Rehan, the mother and two sons, not just Aylan. I guess most people mention just Aylan, because of the tragic picture of him lain on the Turkish shore. It broke my heart. Your poem is very sad because it was a sad tragedy. Good job!
~gypsy
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Hello :)
Beautiful poem to honor the family of Syrians. I wrote about little Aylan too. I like that in your author notes you name, Galip Kurdi, Aylan and Rehan, the mother and two sons, not just Aylan. I guess most people mention just Aylan, because of the tragic picture of him lain on the Turkish shore. It broke my heart. Your poem is very sad because it was a sad tragedy. Good job!
~gypsy
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reading, and your thoughtful review, Gypsy. When I came across that news, I felt disturbed for a while. Glad you found the poem impacting. Have a great day ahead! :)
Regards,
Anupam
Comment from robyn corum
It's horrible! I wonder just how many adults have died - but it took this tiny boy's death and that photograph that has spread worldwide to fire us up and make us CARE. THAT is also tragic. Thanks for posting. well-done~!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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It's horrible! I wonder just how many adults have died - but it took this tiny boy's death and that photograph that has spread worldwide to fire us up and make us CARE. THAT is also tragic. Thanks for posting. well-done~!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2015
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Thanks for reading and reviewing, Robyn. I totally agree with you. That one incident made a great impact. Glad you enjoyed the post.
Regards,
Anupam