Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Faith is a wraith"A collection of poems on these themes
22 total reviews
Comment from CD Richards
I haven't figured out yet how to check out all the entries in one of these site sponsored contests, but my hunch is that if I could read them all, there wouldn't be a more worthy winner in the bunch.
This is brilliantly clever; the words just seem to float effortlessly around like tendrils of mist - kind of like a wraith might possess. Superb use of language and other poetic devices like alliteration and internal rhyme to enhance the effect.
It seems almost pointless to pick out a line or two from so many excellent ones, but this cracked me up:
just an end-of-week tryst
in some dull monolith
This will cop some flack in the reviews I'm sure, but this is honestly the best thing I've read on here in some time. Well done, Steve.
Craig
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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I haven't figured out yet how to check out all the entries in one of these site sponsored contests, but my hunch is that if I could read them all, there wouldn't be a more worthy winner in the bunch.
This is brilliantly clever; the words just seem to float effortlessly around like tendrils of mist - kind of like a wraith might possess. Superb use of language and other poetic devices like alliteration and internal rhyme to enhance the effect.
It seems almost pointless to pick out a line or two from so many excellent ones, but this cracked me up:
just an end-of-week tryst
in some dull monolith
This will cop some flack in the reviews I'm sure, but this is honestly the best thing I've read on here in some time. Well done, Steve.
Craig
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks so much for the great positive review and the six shiny stars. As you know by now, this was a winner, so credit to the committee for being accepting of a few slightly controversial statements and being able to see value in the writing.
Your comment about 'tendrils of mist' was precisely the effect I was after - great comment.
Not too much flack from other reviewers - either we have a very tolerant bunch, or they didn't get the point!
No, there is no way to see the list of entries, although that is something I have asked for in the forum on more than one occasion - I would love to be able to see what and whom I'm up against in these site contests.
Steve
Comment from visionary1234
Oh you had way too much fun than is acceptable to the faithful here Steve! Love to see you free-styling with your usual wit, chock ablock with assonance, alliteration, onomatapoeia (I won't bore you with the obvious examples). Truly excellent and, thank God, not about God!
Greetings from freezing Tassie!
:)Sharyn
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Oh you had way too much fun than is acceptable to the faithful here Steve! Love to see you free-styling with your usual wit, chock ablock with assonance, alliteration, onomatapoeia (I won't bore you with the obvious examples). Truly excellent and, thank God, not about God!
Greetings from freezing Tassie!
:)Sharyn
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Sharyn. Just so you know, I have been encouraged by some of your wonderful freestyle pieces into experimenting like this. Lo and behold, the committee like it! Not only that, but the faithful have either ignored it, accepted it, or perhaps not understood it!
What are you doing in freezing Tassie? It's almost mid-summer for goodness sake - you've been in the tropics far too long...
Merry Christmas.
PS If you're in Hobart and have free time to explore the place, I would love a photo of my wife's ancestor's stone cottage...
Steve
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Only just popped onto FS Steve - got back to Hawaii a couple of days ago. Nice to be warm! Tassie was quite nippy, to put it mildly - but sorry I missed your message. Where is your wife's ancestor's stone cottage? Don't tell me she's ... gasp ... one of ... US??? :)s
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Interesting story - I have a poem about it somewhere. Her 3XG-Grandfather, one Joseph Firth, was a weaver by trade from Yorkshire. Took part in union meetings (Gasp!) then ringleader in armed (with pitchforks) revolt. Sentenced to death at York Castle - we have a transcript somewhere, commuted to transportation. Arrived in Hobart 1821, spent a few years in jail, mainly practising how to write grovelly letters to King George by the look of it - we have a copy of that too, can we please kiss your royal arse? Pardoned, family came out from old blighty, worked hard, bought farms and hotels and ended up owning half of Hobart - his will makes interesting reading.
I'd have to look up exactly where the cottage is - still lived in I gather, but probably not quite the same as it was in his day!
Almost novel/film material, don't you think? Pity I can't do either...
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You're right - it IS an interesting story! (And why can't you do either!? you won't turn your hand to a novel, even when you have the story ready-made for you? Hmmm ... ) You might be surprised, though, as many cottages have been really well preserved - Hobart really capitalizes on its convict heritage (think tourist dollars)!
:)S
Comment from LIJ Red
Faith is believing something you know ain't so, quoted(or said) Sam Clemens. It is
hard to believe even in common sense anymore, because it's not humanity's MO.
All that said, your freestyle is neat leaf-dance of words with a good thought in it. Excellent.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Faith is believing something you know ain't so, quoted(or said) Sam Clemens. It is
hard to believe even in common sense anymore, because it's not humanity's MO.
All that said, your freestyle is neat leaf-dance of words with a good thought in it. Excellent.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thank you - I enjoyed the dance and apparently so did the committee!
Steve
Comment from misscookie
WoW1
the is some deep and emotional writing to read.
Your words touch me deeply all I can say is.
This is truly a food for thought poem.... meaning after you read it you go mm.
Cookie
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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WoW1
the is some deep and emotional writing to read.
Your words touch me deeply all I can say is.
This is truly a food for thought poem.... meaning after you read it you go mm.
Cookie
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Miss Cookie - thank you for reviewing and sharing your feeling about my poem. Who doesn't like to hear that their poem made somebody go mmm...?
Steve
Comment from kiwijenny
Your faith is a wraith but mine is more solid
Romans 10:17 Faith comes from hearing and hearing by the word of God
It's not a nebulous leap ..Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1
It is solidly built on assurance. But like the wind cannot be seen but we see the results ...that's the wraith -y part
I like your word choices
God bless
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Your faith is a wraith but mine is more solid
Romans 10:17 Faith comes from hearing and hearing by the word of God
It's not a nebulous leap ..Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. - Hebrews 11:1
It is solidly built on assurance. But like the wind cannot be seen but we see the results ...that's the wraith -y part
I like your word choices
God bless
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Jenny.
I kind of envy those for whom faith is a solid thing based on their own belief and experience.
Steve
Comment from Eric1
Hi Steve, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, good use of internal rhyme, rhyme and free verse which creates a wonderful poem with good flow, I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Hi Steve, this is a really good entry for this particular competition, good use of internal rhyme, rhyme and free verse which creates a wonderful poem with good flow, I wish you the very best of luck in the contest my friend.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Eric.
Must have danced rings around the judges with this one.
Steve
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You are very welcome my friend and congratulations!
Comment from jmdg1954
A fine entry into the "Faith Poetry Contest", should do well in the voting. I found it to read well and not difficult (I don't do well with profound topics or verbiage).
Nicely done and there were three or four lines that caught my attention. John
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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A fine entry into the "Faith Poetry Contest", should do well in the voting. I found it to read well and not difficult (I don't do well with profound topics or verbiage).
Nicely done and there were three or four lines that caught my attention. John
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks, John.
I don't do 'difficult.' Or at lesat I try not to!
Steve
Comment from dragonpoet
This mixture of free verse and end rhyme has a lot of internatal rhyme and alliteration. It tells of the fight to keep get and keep faith.
The repetition makes you wonder if the speaker is really trying to keep faith. The way she describes the priest and the church leads you to believe the speaker doesn't like either and that is why in the end faith died.
How sad.
Keep writing.
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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This mixture of free verse and end rhyme has a lot of internatal rhyme and alliteration. It tells of the fight to keep get and keep faith.
The repetition makes you wonder if the speaker is really trying to keep faith. The way she describes the priest and the church leads you to believe the speaker doesn't like either and that is why in the end faith died.
How sad.
Keep writing.
dragonpoet
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks for the thoughtful response to my poem.
Steve
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No problem, Steve.
Joan
Comment from Sueswrite
I love the format of you using a rhythmic and cleverly constructed word connection approach to each stanza. This somewhat reminds me of the old classic, " The Cat In The Hat". It also gives off a slightly humorous effect. Your idea and creativity is wonderful. Good luck to you in the contest
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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I love the format of you using a rhythmic and cleverly constructed word connection approach to each stanza. This somewhat reminds me of the old classic, " The Cat In The Hat". It also gives off a slightly humorous effect. Your idea and creativity is wonderful. Good luck to you in the contest
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Thanks, Sue.
Yes, the double rhyming is something Dr Seuss would have been proud of. Glad you enjoyed and the poem has been successful with the committee.
Steve
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great Free style poem for this Faith poetry contest. I love the way you have strung together your words. Your repeating line - faith is a wraith - your words flow as in a gentle breeze. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Great Free style poem for this Faith poetry contest. I love the way you have strung together your words. Your repeating line - faith is a wraith - your words flow as in a gentle breeze. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
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Pear, thanks so much for the great review and the six stars - seems the committee agress with you as this won the contest!
Steve
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An extra congratulations for the win.
