Turning Point
A short rhymed poem20 total reviews
Comment from Slythytove2
You already know what I think of your work, that's a given but as you point out they are taking a turn toward darkness which is not in keeping. My thought is you can make this a new style or take a little time to deal with whatever it is going on in your life that is causing this shift. It's not my business to give you personal advice so I ought to shut my mouth, but the sadness you feel is coming though- how could it not?
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
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You already know what I think of your work, that's a given but as you point out they are taking a turn toward darkness which is not in keeping. My thought is you can make this a new style or take a little time to deal with whatever it is going on in your life that is causing this shift. It's not my business to give you personal advice so I ought to shut my mouth, but the sadness you feel is coming though- how could it not?
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
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Hi Chuck :) Thank you, I appreciate your lovely comments. (You don't need to shut your mouth!) Kindest regards as always, Debra
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Till then.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Debra. Excellent poem. Good flow and rhyming. I learned a new word--fug. Your poetry is always on target with your emotions, it seems, and I admire your candid ability. I sort of did the same with my recent write, "Caregiver's Lament." Thank God for having an outlet to vent, which is really important. Hugs, Marilyn
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
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Hi Debra. Excellent poem. Good flow and rhyming. I learned a new word--fug. Your poetry is always on target with your emotions, it seems, and I admire your candid ability. I sort of did the same with my recent write, "Caregiver's Lament." Thank God for having an outlet to vent, which is really important. Hugs, Marilyn
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2016
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Hi Marilyn :) Thank you for your lovely feedback. I appreciate it :) Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
But you as a writer know that the best way to get out of a funk is to write it out.
And as writers, we understand the down and the up of life because we are there too. Love you no matter what.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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But you as a writer know that the best way to get out of a funk is to write it out.
And as writers, we understand the down and the up of life because we are there too. Love you no matter what.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much, Barb :) Love you too!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Good one, Debra, you will be surprised how much better you will feel just by having a bit of fun. Once you are, so others will follow. I wish you the happiest of happy times ahead, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Good one, Debra, you will be surprised how much better you will feel just by having a bit of fun. Once you are, so others will follow. I wish you the happiest of happy times ahead, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Thank you, Sandra :) I know it makes sense! Love and best wishes, Debra xx
Comment from misscookie
Your poem is filled with so much emotions .
I stop reading and said a prayer for you and your situation.
I can truly relate .
I have been through storms like that to.
Just remember Worry looks down- trouble looks around
FAITH looks up.
Have a bless and Happy Easter.
Cookie
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Your poem is filled with so much emotions .
I stop reading and said a prayer for you and your situation.
I can truly relate .
I have been through storms like that to.
Just remember Worry looks down- trouble looks around
FAITH looks up.
Have a bless and Happy Easter.
Cookie
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hi misscookie :)
Thank you so much for your kind review and for your prayers, I appreciate both.
Love and best wishes, Debra x
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You're very welcome May you and yours have a very Happy resurrection Day.
Cookie
Comment from Andrewajgblue
I thought this was a brilliant poem, well structured and a solid storyline running through it, I thought your internal and external ryhmes were great, I really rpenjoyed it ,
Andrew
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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I thought this was a brilliant poem, well structured and a solid storyline running through it, I thought your internal and external ryhmes were great, I really rpenjoyed it ,
Andrew
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hello Andrew :)
Thank you so much for your lovely feedback and for your generous 6 star rating. I appreciate both very much!
Kindest regards as always, Debra :)
Comment from rama devi
Sorry you've been feeling grumbly and grumpy lately. I do 't know if you believe in astrology, but it's quite an intense time with equinox and lunar eclipse and certain transits...so many people are feeling irked and jerked. The good news is...it's all about transformation and the pendulum will eventually swing to the side of joy. Hope that happens sooner!
Until then, such moods make for potent poetry!
Love your use of anaerobic...!
Great cadence and flow and fine rhyming and internal rhyme too (cosy and nosy--hee hee!)
Fine alliteration of D
A couple of spag suggestions for smoother enjambment and clarity on first read (my take--optional suggestions):
I'm dragging myself from out of the dumps,(; or -- or .)
the view's pretty dismal down here(,)
and though it's quite cosy, the locals are nosy,
they thrive upon sadness and fear.
Love the rhymes in this stanza...and consonance of C & S and alliteration of D continued:
I'm dragging myself from out of the dumps,
can't breathe in this fug of despair.
I'm so claustrophobic, though not anaerobic--
I'm losing my sparkle and flair.
Love the shift in tone and the whimsical phrasing of your closing, which feels cathartic--and has fine alliteration of D & B too:
I'm gonna be happy-go-lucky,
count blessings instead of mistakes.
I'm dragging myself from out of the dumps,
before the best part of me breaks.
Sending positive vibes and big warm hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Sorry you've been feeling grumbly and grumpy lately. I do 't know if you believe in astrology, but it's quite an intense time with equinox and lunar eclipse and certain transits...so many people are feeling irked and jerked. The good news is...it's all about transformation and the pendulum will eventually swing to the side of joy. Hope that happens sooner!
Until then, such moods make for potent poetry!
Love your use of anaerobic...!
Great cadence and flow and fine rhyming and internal rhyme too (cosy and nosy--hee hee!)
Fine alliteration of D
A couple of spag suggestions for smoother enjambment and clarity on first read (my take--optional suggestions):
I'm dragging myself from out of the dumps,(; or -- or .)
the view's pretty dismal down here(,)
and though it's quite cosy, the locals are nosy,
they thrive upon sadness and fear.
Love the rhymes in this stanza...and consonance of C & S and alliteration of D continued:
I'm dragging myself from out of the dumps,
can't breathe in this fug of despair.
I'm so claustrophobic, though not anaerobic--
I'm losing my sparkle and flair.
Love the shift in tone and the whimsical phrasing of your closing, which feels cathartic--and has fine alliteration of D & B too:
I'm gonna be happy-go-lucky,
count blessings instead of mistakes.
I'm dragging myself from out of the dumps,
before the best part of me breaks.
Sending positive vibes and big warm hugs,
rd
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hi rama :)
Thank you so much for your great feedback and suggestions for edit. You know I always appreciate your input and guidance.
Kindest regards to you, love Debra x
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Thanks, dear. Kindest regards and Love, rd
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Debra!
Your poem has an excellent rhyme scheme and perfect meter. I especially like the claustrophobic and anaerobic word combinations. The entire presentation conveys your message in an exquisite manner. It isn't a happy poem, however, it is very well written.
Kim
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hi Debra!
Your poem has an excellent rhyme scheme and perfect meter. I especially like the claustrophobic and anaerobic word combinations. The entire presentation conveys your message in an exquisite manner. It isn't a happy poem, however, it is very well written.
Kim
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much, Kim, for your lovely feedback. Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment from Lancer1979
I liked this very much and I can relate. I like the repetitive refrain. The last line really speaks to me. Please don't apologize. Sometimes we just have to vent, and I appreciate that you can do that. I keep things bottled up, and that's why I joined this group to find validation as a writer/poet/novelist and make new friends.
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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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I liked this very much and I can relate. I like the repetitive refrain. The last line really speaks to me. Please don't apologize. Sometimes we just have to vent, and I appreciate that you can do that. I keep things bottled up, and that's why I joined this group to find validation as a writer/poet/novelist and make new friends.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Thank you so much for your lovely feedback and welcome to Fanstory! I look forward to reading you... Kindest regards, Debra :)
Comment from kiwisteveh
This has a lovely light-hearted meter, perhaps at odds with the down in the dumps theme - all right, you're dragging yourself out of the dumps, but the view's still pretty dismal...
I enjoyed the internal rhymes in stanzas 1 and 2 - they add a touch of sparkle to this.
Steve
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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This has a lovely light-hearted meter, perhaps at odds with the down in the dumps theme - all right, you're dragging yourself out of the dumps, but the view's still pretty dismal...
I enjoyed the internal rhymes in stanzas 1 and 2 - they add a touch of sparkle to this.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2016
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Hi Steve,
Thank you for your great feedback...I appreciate it :) The meter and theme are a little at odds aren't they?! It's kind of deliberate, it's reflective of my transition from being IN the dumps to being OUT of them!
Kindset regards as always, Debra :)
