Reviews from

Astatula (Final Edition)

Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Consequences"
A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?

11 total reviews 
Comment from jane.fallon
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent.

I'm just not sure what to think of the wording, "properly handle the situation".Being "paddled" had me confused at the start, then I realised that the boy was getting beaten using a paddle.

"swatted" .... should this be "spanked"?

certified Fruit Cake. Should this be Certified Fruit Cake?

"his guardian instructed him to do", maybe would sound better, "his guardian ordered".

"his guardian wanted to know in a calm demeanor." I think it should be "in a SURPRISINGLY calm demeanor"

"his guardian" ..... I would like the guardian to be named after the first reference to "the guardian".

Very well done and good luck.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016


reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016
    Wanted to keep the tone of the scene down, therefore referred to it as a paddling, not a spanking.

    Did like your "SUPRISINGLY calm demeanor". Adds clarity to the scene, so used it.

    Glad you enjoyed this second part od the story.

    The first part "Cody" details why this scene was necessary.

reply by jane.fallon on 20-Apr-2016
    I'm ecstatic that you used one of my suggestions. I just like to help if I can. It's a bonus that my reviews are appreciated.