A living Nightmare
100 Words Contest40 total reviews
Comment from Debbie Noland
I like the way your waking/dreaming states might be interpreted ambiguously, but definitely not, in either case, without horror. You capitalize on the element of setting here to create a high degree of tension and suspense in extremely few words.
I have one suggestion for you, and that is to take a look at the dangling participle that opens your second sentence. It would be correct to say "Bathed in cold sweat, SHE FELT adrenaline coursing through her body." Otherwise, the sentence says that it was the adrenaline that was bathed in cold sweat. Does that suggestion make sense?
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
  |
I like the way your waking/dreaming states might be interpreted ambiguously, but definitely not, in either case, without horror. You capitalize on the element of setting here to create a high degree of tension and suspense in extremely few words.
I have one suggestion for you, and that is to take a look at the dangling participle that opens your second sentence. It would be correct to say "Bathed in cold sweat, SHE FELT adrenaline coursing through her body." Otherwise, the sentence says that it was the adrenaline that was bathed in cold sweat. Does that suggestion make sense?
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
-
It makes a lot of sense, your suggestion that is. But I cannot do it as it brings it up to 102 words, I have tried to solve it with a semicolon. Best I can do. Thanks for a great review. All the best. Ulla:)))
-
I understand your word limit. The added semicolon creates a fragment, though. If you take out "the" before adrenaline and the later "And" before then, would that preserve your word count. Just a thought.
Comment from ciliverde
Very well done, effectively scary! Waking from the nightmare, beginning to calm and feel better, but then the scraping starts...
Yikes! The dragging feet and shadow are all we need to feel terrified!
Carol
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
|
Very well done, effectively scary! Waking from the nightmare, beginning to calm and feel better, but then the scraping starts...
Yikes! The dragging feet and shadow are all we need to feel terrified!
Carol
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
-
Thank you so very much. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from foxangie123
Well you just beat my write indeed. Way to go on this master piece. When I have been away and I come to your work it is an awesome feeling of knowing it will be written exceptionally.
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
|
Well you just beat my write indeed. Way to go on this master piece. When I have been away and I come to your work it is an awesome feeling of knowing it will be written exceptionally.
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
-
Thanks a lot Angie. You always make my day. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Leineco
Compactly terrifying! A tightly focused look at terror in the
night - no extraneous details - just wake from a dream - hear
threatening noises - panic - brutal death.
Very well penned!
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
|
Compactly terrifying! A tightly focused look at terror in the
night - no extraneous details - just wake from a dream - hear
threatening noises - panic - brutal death.
Very well penned!
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
-
Thank you so much. So pleased that you liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Oooo, exciting story!
In 100 words, you were able to effectively scare the crud out of me.
Muffled sound, dragging feet, and then the scream!
Got me looking over my shoulder!
Well done,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
|
Oooo, exciting story!
In 100 words, you were able to effectively scare the crud out of me.
Muffled sound, dragging feet, and then the scream!
Got me looking over my shoulder!
Well done,
Rhonda
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 20-May-2016
-
Oh Rhonda, thanks a lot for this lovely review. I am not into scary stuff as you will know by now. I just got inspired I quess. Ulla:)))
Comment from johnwilson
Bravo, well done. It got my attention with your details. The only change I would make would be a small one of punctuation on "shadows into the room, her breathing now less erratic", as it is an incomplete sentence. As far as writing a novel, it seems you have the words, let them come to the surface and GO!
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
|
Bravo, well done. It got my attention with your details. The only change I would make would be a small one of punctuation on "shadows into the room, her breathing now less erratic", as it is an incomplete sentence. As far as writing a novel, it seems you have the words, let them come to the surface and GO!
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
-
Thank you so much, and I have taken you up on the comma and changed, you're right. Great review and great encouragement. Ulla:)
Comment from Marykelly
The setting here makes the story. Most stories are character drive or plot driven but in this case the details of the setting create the suspenseful tone. In just 100 words you have cast a spell of suspense and the open ending keeps the reader on edge after the story is over.
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
|
The setting here makes the story. Most stories are character drive or plot driven but in this case the details of the setting create the suspenseful tone. In just 100 words you have cast a spell of suspense and the open ending keeps the reader on edge after the story is over.
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
-
Thank you so very much for this great review. all the bet. Ulla:)
Comment from Naham Mills
Totally understand and agree with you. 8 feel I understand at least... I like the themes you explore and the language you use to do so. The structure is flawless by my eye. The content was amazing and I can't wait to see more of your work. Keep it up
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
|
Totally understand and agree with you. 8 feel I understand at least... I like the themes you explore and the language you use to do so. The structure is flawless by my eye. The content was amazing and I can't wait to see more of your work. Keep it up
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
-
Wow, this is a great review and praise. Thanks ever so much. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from Almahar826
Horror and Thriller always scared me lol, doesn't take much to freak me out, your picture alone fits nicely for this 100 story. A Living Nightmare, well done Ulla and good luck!
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
|
Horror and Thriller always scared me lol, doesn't take much to freak me out, your picture alone fits nicely for this 100 story. A Living Nightmare, well done Ulla and good luck!
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
-
Thank you so very much. All best. Ulla:)
Comment from Chris Walker
Holy cr. . .! This is why I can't watch scary movies--you've captured the fearful suspense of impending doom in this short piece. My imagination engaged and went into overdrive! Is there anything worse than hearing scraping on the other side of a door??
Good luck in the contest! Chris
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
|
Holy cr. . .! This is why I can't watch scary movies--you've captured the fearful suspense of impending doom in this short piece. My imagination engaged and went into overdrive! Is there anything worse than hearing scraping on the other side of a door??
Good luck in the contest! Chris
Comment Written 19-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
-
Hi Chris, I can't see them either. LOL. I'm glad that I've captured it ok. Thanks a lot. All the best. Ulla:)