The Bullies
This is a children's story about the effect of kindness.17 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
MaryKelly,
THIS is one of my most favoritest, bestest, happiest, most joyfulest stories I have read ALLLLL WEEEEEKKK! I am smiling ear to ear and my heart has grown seven sizes in the last eighteen minutes. You have a delicious talent for this and I am only DREADFULLY sad that I did not write this exact story -- word for word -- line by line. I WANT IT very much! And soooo.....I will keep it, thank you very much! *smile*
It makes me happpppeeeee!
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
  |
MaryKelly,
THIS is one of my most favoritest, bestest, happiest, most joyfulest stories I have read ALLLLL WEEEEEKKK! I am smiling ear to ear and my heart has grown seven sizes in the last eighteen minutes. You have a delicious talent for this and I am only DREADFULLY sad that I did not write this exact story -- word for word -- line by line. I WANT IT very much! And soooo.....I will keep it, thank you very much! *smile*
It makes me happpppeeeee!
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
-
You have made my day (night). Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I love it. Also thank you for the extra star.
-
Shhhh....don't tell anyone, because it's actually not allowed by site rules, but I posted an 'ad' for you on my profile page. shhhhh....
Comment from MTF1955
So very true. Plus most of us are so busy we never get past hello, how are you doing, then go about our business. A smile, a casual remark that a person looks nice, or has beautiful eyes goes a long way. Your story was wonderful and true acts of kindness makes the giver feel better also. Mary
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
 |
So very true. Plus most of us are so busy we never get past hello, how are you doing, then go about our business. A smile, a casual remark that a person looks nice, or has beautiful eyes goes a long way. Your story was wonderful and true acts of kindness makes the giver feel better also. Mary
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
-
Thank you for such an observant review.
Comment from foxangie123
You are so very right and this is so very true. It is amazing how many adults bully other adults as well. I bet you do miss your students yet I bet they miss you more because of your amazing skills that show brightly through your pen.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
|
You are so very right and this is so very true. It is amazing how many adults bully other adults as well. I bet you do miss your students yet I bet they miss you more because of your amazing skills that show brightly through your pen.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
-
You are very kind and complimentary. Thank you
Comment from GeraldS
If only it were that easy. Still, it's a cute story, and kindness is important.
In paragraph 6, third sentence. "She calls the town baker and she asks him..." either needs a comma after "baker" or deletion of "she" following the word "and."
In paragraph 9, fourth and fifth sentences. "No one has ever visited the Bullies before. No one has ever done something nice for the Bullies before." Both sentences end with a preposition, but could easily be reworded: "No one before has ever visited the Bullies. No one before has ever done something nice for the Bullies."
Also if the surname was Bully (Paragraph 1: "Inside the house lives the Bully family") then they should be referred to as the "Bullys" not the "Bullies." And then in paragraph 7, last sentence: " No one has ever knocked on the Bullies door before." should read "Bullys' door."
Finally I noticed a lot of repetition in sentence starts. For example, in the first paragraph four sentences in a row began with the word "They." You may well have intended that for effect, but I still thought I'd mention it.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
|
If only it were that easy. Still, it's a cute story, and kindness is important.
In paragraph 6, third sentence. "She calls the town baker and she asks him..." either needs a comma after "baker" or deletion of "she" following the word "and."
In paragraph 9, fourth and fifth sentences. "No one has ever visited the Bullies before. No one has ever done something nice for the Bullies before." Both sentences end with a preposition, but could easily be reworded: "No one before has ever visited the Bullies. No one before has ever done something nice for the Bullies."
Also if the surname was Bully (Paragraph 1: "Inside the house lives the Bully family") then they should be referred to as the "Bullys" not the "Bullies." And then in paragraph 7, last sentence: " No one has ever knocked on the Bullies door before." should read "Bullys' door."
Finally I noticed a lot of repetition in sentence starts. For example, in the first paragraph four sentences in a row began with the word "They." You may well have intended that for effect, but I still thought I'd mention it.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
-
Thank you for catching the typos and grammar glitches. The repetition is intentional since it's a children's story and repetition is one of the characteristics of easy read stories. Thank you for the Bullys/ Bullies clarification. I wasn't sure and you helped me out there.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Mary. This is a very well developed children's story. actually, I think it is publishable in some form. It weould have been ideal to show how they bullied kids in school too, somehow, so kids know exactly what a bully does.
Good job, my friend.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
|
Hi, Mary. This is a very well developed children's story. actually, I think it is publishable in some form. It weould have been ideal to show how they bullied kids in school too, somehow, so kids know exactly what a bully does.
Good job, my friend.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
-
Thank you Bob you are always so supportive.
Comment from Pantygynt
My first thought was that it would be nice if it worked. My second thought was what about the poor tuckers and their dinner party. After that I gave up thinking because this is a simple story with a simple message and, heaven knows, we have to try everything we can to bring those bullies to heel. I suppose it might just work.
It is a nice simple short story with a clear moral and I am sure it will achieve its aim, no it won't stop the bullies but a discussion might reach a good conclusion and it will surely start one of those.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
|
My first thought was that it would be nice if it worked. My second thought was what about the poor tuckers and their dinner party. After that I gave up thinking because this is a simple story with a simple message and, heaven knows, we have to try everything we can to bring those bullies to heel. I suppose it might just work.
It is a nice simple short story with a clear moral and I am sure it will achieve its aim, no it won't stop the bullies but a discussion might reach a good conclusion and it will surely start one of those.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
-
Thank you for your observations. You always have good insights.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a marvelous children's story with a great moral. What a difference it would make in our world if more would do little acts of kindness. Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
|
This is a marvelous children's story with a great moral. What a difference it would make in our world if more would do little acts of kindness. Patricia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016
-
Thank you for your very positive comments.
