Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Good image.
-Format is good.
-Connection is good between lines one and two.
-Imagery is good in both lines.
-There are sound and sight images.
-Good use of alliteration in line two.
-Interesting satori.
-Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016

Thanks. Glad you liked this haiku. Appreciate all your comments. Cheers ... ;-)

reply by Pam (respa) on 10-Jun-2016

You are very welcome.

Comment from Joyce Long

Excellent

Best wishes for the haiku contest. However, I always thought a haiku was a 5-7-5 syllable count. I enjoy coming across a small creek when out hiking in the woods.
Joyce 06-09-16

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016

Thanks. Haiku for this contest is 17 syllables or less, formatted in short-long-short. It needs to be about nature. The first two lines are connected imagery with the third line being the satori, or ah-ha moment. Appreciate your comments. Cheers .. ;)

Comment from TAB_that's me

Good

gurgling creek sparkles in sunshine has good imagery and is grammatically correct. dragonflies is your second part of imagery but I honestly fail to see the satori in this. Dragonflies hang around water - yes - but I just don't get an aha moment. If you want to enlighten me, I will consider changing my rating.

Teresa

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016

Thanks. Glad you liked the imagery. Of course, there are many possible satori's with this set up - involving in and out of the creek - tadpoles, mosquitoes, trout, butterflies etc. I simple chose dragonflies because when I'm around a gurgling creek, my attention notices dragonflies. They are colorful, energetic and have an air of mystery. And, they are a seasonal reference. No need to change rating. Cheers ... ;-)

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

This is a great haiku meeting all the requirements, and the satori line is indeed the aha moment. I liked it a lot. Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016

Thanks, Ulla - glad you liked this haiku and the satori. Appreciate your comments. Cheers ... ;o)

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

In your haiku, you chose to employ a 4-5-3 syllabic construct, featuring vivid, concrete imagery, a subdued, serene presentation, and a clever one word satori.
The essential element of form in English-language haiku is that each haiku is a short one-breath poem that usually contains a juxtaposition of images. Each haiku has a break which makes it a deliberately incomplete literary artifact, prompting the reader to make a leap of imagination in order to complete the moment begun by the poet. The best haiku capture human perception--moments of being alive conveyed through sensory images. They do not explain nor describe nor provide philosophical or political commentary.
Yours fits the bill quite nicely.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016

Thank you for your wonderful review of my haiku. You truly understand this form. Yes - juxtaposition of images and moments of being alive through sensory images. I was fortunate to take a fun, informative haiku class from the late, great Alvin Ethington, who echoed all that you just conveyed. Do appreciate all your comments. Just finished responding to a reviewer who docked a star because she didn't understand my satori and said she would raise her rating if I explained 'dragonflies' to her. Ha .. maybe she'd prefer 'mosquitoes' or 'tadpoles'.

Thanks again. Cheers ... ;o)

Comment from lfemine

Excellent

Very nice poem. The "aha" moment is vivid and brings an immediate image and surprise, as it is supposed to. Life is majestic in its simplicity. Very well done.

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 Comment Written 09-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016

Thanks! Glad you liked this haiku and its satori. Appreciate your comments. Cheers ... ;o)

Comment from apinate

Average

The first two lines fit together nicely but they gave one the sense that it was building up to a eureka or a-ha moment. Dragonflies was not really satisfying as a final line after all that build up, a bit lackluster.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2016