Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Chapter 48 "Cabin Fever"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
16 total reviews
Comment from create4christ
I KNEW IT!! I just knew Cody couldn't really be dead. Very very good! I did find a few errors this time, though...
The first paragraph doesn't sound right. I'd either do (I could not pull out fast enough) or leave off (fast enough)
P6 - clearing (,) the cabin
P8 - destination (,) I turned
P20 - I (mussed) his baby fine blond hair
Oh! Texas weather sounds like Florida weather... I've seen it rain in the front yard when it was dry and sunny in the back yard...lol
Thank you always for sharing, Brett...Penny
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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I KNEW IT!! I just knew Cody couldn't really be dead. Very very good! I did find a few errors this time, though...
The first paragraph doesn't sound right. I'd either do (I could not pull out fast enough) or leave off (fast enough)
P6 - clearing (,) the cabin
P8 - destination (,) I turned
P20 - I (mussed) his baby fine blond hair
Oh! Texas weather sounds like Florida weather... I've seen it rain in the front yard when it was dry and sunny in the back yard...lol
Thank you always for sharing, Brett...Penny
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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Couldn't kill off Cody. Some times Brock would like to kill Cody for some of his antics but the boy is much too popular to kill off. Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Appreciate the catches. Keep them coming.
Comment from wilkswrites
I read your story with great interest. However, I am still wondering who or what "Bee-Bo" is.
Some points, if I may:
A paragraph should have up to 5 periods (5 different sentences)
Be careful that your sentences are not too short and do not contain run on's.
Stay true to your tenses (either you are speaking in past or present).
Don't tell too much. Describe and let the reader figure it out.
Please see more edits below:
Upon our arrival at the morgue placing a mannequin in the coffin Beth and I buried was a simple task (run on). The whole "Cody's Death-And-Funeral" scene was a ruse (THAT )we staged to convince Bee-Bo (of) Cody'S DEATH and (WAS AN EFFORT TO ) remove him from The Clown's crosshairs.
Hearing him call me Dad warmed me to the core like nothing else I knew could ever do. I did not correct him. I saw no point in doing so.
I stepped up on the porch beside Cody. (makes better sense at the end of this sentence).
Ever since Cody woke up from the coma , he consistently called me Dad. Cody and I were much closer than we were before the incident.
I pulled Cody closer to me where he needed to be. Playfully, I mused his baby-fine blond hair with my hand then reached down and firmly swatted him on the seat of his pants. It felt good to have my Little Man back.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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I read your story with great interest. However, I am still wondering who or what "Bee-Bo" is.
Some points, if I may:
A paragraph should have up to 5 periods (5 different sentences)
Be careful that your sentences are not too short and do not contain run on's.
Stay true to your tenses (either you are speaking in past or present).
Don't tell too much. Describe and let the reader figure it out.
Please see more edits below:
Upon our arrival at the morgue placing a mannequin in the coffin Beth and I buried was a simple task (run on). The whole "Cody's Death-And-Funeral" scene was a ruse (THAT )we staged to convince Bee-Bo (of) Cody'S DEATH and (WAS AN EFFORT TO ) remove him from The Clown's crosshairs.
Hearing him call me Dad warmed me to the core like nothing else I knew could ever do. I did not correct him. I saw no point in doing so.
I stepped up on the porch beside Cody. (makes better sense at the end of this sentence).
Ever since Cody woke up from the coma , he consistently called me Dad. Cody and I were much closer than we were before the incident.
I pulled Cody closer to me where he needed to be. Playfully, I mused his baby-fine blond hair with my hand then reached down and firmly swatted him on the seat of his pants. It felt good to have my Little Man back.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of this book. Stay tuned. Much more to come. Bee-Bo is the bad dude in this book. May be helpful to you to go back and read other chapters of the book to find out what is going on.
Comment from cterp
Very sweet crime fiction. Not what I was expecting! One small misspelling: "Playfully, I mused his baby-fine blond hair: s/b : mussed. One s means you thought about it.
Is it a bit odd that parents who just buried their child would have groceries in their truck? And that as the sheriff he and his wife wouldn't be invited to some church lady's home for supper? Just asking.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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Very sweet crime fiction. Not what I was expecting! One small misspelling: "Playfully, I mused his baby-fine blond hair: s/b : mussed. One s means you thought about it.
Is it a bit odd that parents who just buried their child would have groceries in their truck? And that as the sheriff he and his wife wouldn't be invited to some church lady's home for supper? Just asking.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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In Blond Death, the previous chapter, all that is explained. Stay tuned. Much more to come. Appreciate the catch.
Comment from pbomar1115
I seem to be getting a lesson in how to make my stories more interesting with a good example of showing. I'm guessing this is part of a novel because I have not work out what the plot is. As a fledging shot story writer before I get to longer pieces work, your detailing is very nicely scripted. Good writing.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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I seem to be getting a lesson in how to make my stories more interesting with a good example of showing. I'm guessing this is part of a novel because I have not work out what the plot is. As a fledging shot story writer before I get to longer pieces work, your detailing is very nicely scripted. Good writing.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story.
Actually it is the second book in my Cody Schroder Series.
Astatula and Missing can both be found in my portfolio to bring you up to speed.
Appreciate your comments, support, and the 6 Stars.
Stay tuned.
Much more to come.
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Ok.
Comment from foxangie123
It is great additional chaptering especially since dropping off where Cody was still in a coma. I was happy to read he came out if it as many really do. Even those they say are brain dead. I've seen it with my own eyes. Great job.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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It is great additional chaptering especially since dropping off where Cody was still in a coma. I was happy to read he came out if it as many really do. Even those they say are brain dead. I've seen it with my own eyes. Great job.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Much more to come so stay tuned.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I'll have to admit, you sure had me fooled on this one. I see the clues now, the fact he woke up from the coma and called him Dad, and then he just dies. It seemed a bit odd to me at the time.
Great job,
Rhonda
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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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I'll have to admit, you sure had me fooled on this one. I see the clues now, the fact he woke up from the coma and called him Dad, and then he just dies. It seemed a bit odd to me at the time.
Great job,
Rhonda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of the story. Your comments and support appreciated.
