Not Sure Yet
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "The Blinding Night"Free verse poems
21 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Oh wow nicely stated and I love the expression used in a different form than the final days of Earth.
You did this justice in such a short piece
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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Oh wow nicely stated and I love the expression used in a different form than the final days of Earth.
You did this justice in such a short piece
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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It is very short, although someone once said that length isn't necessarily related to quality - lol. It's about death, actually. My mind has been a bit morose lately ;) Carol
Comment from BeasPeas
A foreshadowing and profound statement from your mother. Your poem is touching, sensitive, and proclaiming something your mom already knew that you have interpreted well. The artwork by Mengs is outstanding. Marilyn
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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A foreshadowing and profound statement from your mother. Your poem is touching, sensitive, and proclaiming something your mom already knew that you have interpreted well. The artwork by Mengs is outstanding. Marilyn
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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Isn't it interesting that she said that? I think she just meant it was the end of the street, but who knows? Isn't that artwork wonderful? I just love it. Carol
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Very interesting, Carol. I think she knew it subliminally.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
OOOoooo... I love it! I can feeeel this poem. That first line is perfect. I'm right there at the end of the street... at the end of the world. Love the style! Do more!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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OOOoooo... I love it! I can feeeel this poem. That first line is perfect. I'm right there at the end of the street... at the end of the world. Love the style! Do more!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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I have another one, two actually, almost ready to post. Pantygynt and I have decided to call this form a Sapphoric Triad - he's always been one for creating new forms :))
Comment from Joan E.
I think your dark poem may have been partially the result of your not sleeping well. Nevertheless, it certainly captures your mother's sense of foreboding. I hope Sappho continues to influence your writing as well. Have a serene weekend- Joan
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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I think your dark poem may have been partially the result of your not sleeping well. Nevertheless, it certainly captures your mother's sense of foreboding. I hope Sappho continues to influence your writing as well. Have a serene weekend- Joan
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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Thank you so much, Joan. Sappho is so amazing! I've never read her work before I picked up this translation by Mary Barnard. Apparently Tony Fawcus has been reading it too - small circles we run in here :)) Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
I read so much Mythology way back in my younger days, but Iike so much of everything else, I've either forgotten, or as I would like to think, have just filed it away to a better day for remembering it. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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I read so much Mythology way back in my younger days, but Iike so much of everything else, I've either forgotten, or as I would like to think, have just filed it away to a better day for remembering it. Thanks for sharing another fine poem. :-)
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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Yes, I'm sure you have it filed away, carefully, in your mental archives - lol. I've read so much in my life, and archived most of it. Thanks for reading! More on the way :)) Carol
Comment from F. Wehr3
I liked this, Carol. I enjoyed the mythological aspect as well as the real observation. I did have a question. I don't know the difference between free form and free verse.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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I liked this, Carol. I enjoyed the mythological aspect as well as the real observation. I did have a question. I don't know the difference between free form and free verse.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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Me neither! I just decided to say "free form" in case anyone took issue with it. To me, free form means anything goes. I'm kind of a hack! Lol. Thanks, Russell :) Carol
Comment from Pantygynt
I wrote a poem once on the death of Sappho. Killed in the original lovers leap she was. You certainly have something interesting here. I smell a new form here "A Sapphonic Triad. A two line quotation (Free verse but max total of sixteen syllables) followed by a quatrain, four lines each of four syllables (lose the definite article in the second line) finally an 8-4-6 syllable envoi that moves us on somewhere. Why not?
Here's one I just wrote.
Trafalgar -- a Sapphonic Triad
"England expects every man
this day to do his duty."
Trafalgar won!
Nelson deceased.
England's hero's
last battle fought.
Our navy will never forget
the Nelson touch
with or without Trident.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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I wrote a poem once on the death of Sappho. Killed in the original lovers leap she was. You certainly have something interesting here. I smell a new form here "A Sapphonic Triad. A two line quotation (Free verse but max total of sixteen syllables) followed by a quatrain, four lines each of four syllables (lose the definite article in the second line) finally an 8-4-6 syllable envoi that moves us on somewhere. Why not?
Here's one I just wrote.
Trafalgar -- a Sapphonic Triad
"England expects every man
this day to do his duty."
Trafalgar won!
Nelson deceased.
England's hero's
last battle fought.
Our navy will never forget
the Nelson touch
with or without Trident.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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Hey! What a cool idea...the Sapphonic Triad! I love it. I think the first two lines could be a quote, or a personal statement of some kind.
Are you suggesting my first two lines could be
"this is the end of the world
and so it is" ?
I will work on another one. I'm about to go for a walk while my mom is sleeping, but I do VERY much like your idea!
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Yes. That was a quote by your mom. It doesn't have to be a famous one like mine, just something succinct that somebody said.
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Here's another. Lol.
French Revolution
?So the poor have no bread,
then let them eat cake.?
The queen has lost
her head. Freedom,
equality,
and brotherhood.
But still poverty persisted.
Time of terror.
Long live the Republic.
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Nice job! Do you want to write up the new form and post your two historical Sapphonic Triads?
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No you invented it I just gave it a name and I have better things to spend my funny money on at the moment. But I hope you give it some space. It would make a change from the eternal haiky/senryu/5-7-5
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Do you mind if I post one of yours along with my new one? If so, which would you prefer?
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No problem. Do the Trafalgar one if you like. I have amind to do the other in French one day. Lol.
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Great idea! Qu'ils mangent de la brioche, bien sur. So, I'll post your other one with mine.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem and a great style of free verse. If we could all find the end of the world and just fall down till we get to the other side. Lol.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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A very well-written poem and a great style of free verse. If we could all find the end of the world and just fall down till we get to the other side. Lol.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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I know, wouldn't it be so much better? Some cross over easily, but for others it's a long, drug-out process. (sigh)
Comment from Marykelly
There are some isolated places that seem like you've reached the end of the world and you have described one of these places with imagery and innuendo. The invitation to Vesper to close the shades is creative and the use of the word blinding in the same image as shade suggests to me that the journey requires trust because it is a blind adventure in a place that seems like the end of the world.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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There are some isolated places that seem like you've reached the end of the world and you have described one of these places with imagery and innuendo. The invitation to Vesper to close the shades is creative and the use of the word blinding in the same image as shade suggests to me that the journey requires trust because it is a blind adventure in a place that seems like the end of the world.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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I just figured out, in replying to another review, that this is about death. I should have said in my notes that my mom has Alzheimer's - so of course, her little house at the end of the road really IS the end of the world - for her. So the blinding night is death...if you want it to be. I think a poem can be, for each reader, what makes sense to them. :)) Carol
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Carol, it's a lovely poem and I love your words. But I don't know what to make of it. I must be daft. LOL. Then I read the notes and now I do understand. I think. It makes me think. All the best. Ulla:)))
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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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Wow, Carol, it's a lovely poem and I love your words. But I don't know what to make of it. I must be daft. LOL. Then I read the notes and now I do understand. I think. It makes me think. All the best. Ulla:)))
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2016
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Thank you, like I said - it's experimental. All I can say by way of explanation is, being around someone with Alzheimer's Disease is not easy. They say the strangest things, but sometimes they say something that really hits home. There's no hope left, because there's no cure for the disease, and you just drift through the days, toward what? I guess this is about death. Phew! :)) Carol
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I see, Carol, I'm so sorry. Yes, that is not easy. It's a terrible decease. My ex-husbands wife have it and only fifty-six years of age. Used to be a chief editor of a broadsheet and written several books. We are all saddened. I'm so sorry for you. Only wrote this because I feel so sorry for you. It's adifficult situation. :)))
