Poems By AnnieDawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Lost In A Snowstorm"My book of poems and stories
30 total reviews
Comment from Lulube
You described the coldness perfectly. Nice flowing lines and rhymes. Glad your notes have a happy ending. lol The sudden ending on freezing left me to think that she did freeze. suggestion. last line to add -
(using a line already in poem) Please mother, come look for me.
good penning
lulube
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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You described the coldness perfectly. Nice flowing lines and rhymes. Glad your notes have a happy ending. lol The sudden ending on freezing left me to think that she did freeze. suggestion. last line to add -
(using a line already in poem) Please mother, come look for me.
good penning
lulube
Comment Written 24-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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I do thank you for your wonderful review and suggestion. I will take it into consideration as it is an interesting twist. Thanks again for reviewing.
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
This is a sad write that evokes empathy for this poor child caught in a snowstorm and then freezes to death. (I was glad to read in your author notes that the actual child was found by her mother).
This is a well written ABC poem and is also a great entry for the Share a Story in a Poem contest. Excellent alliteration with "shadow shapes surround". Perfect pairing of picture and poem. Best wishes for the contest, ANNIEDAWN! ~ ~ Connie
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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This is a sad write that evokes empathy for this poor child caught in a snowstorm and then freezes to death. (I was glad to read in your author notes that the actual child was found by her mother).
This is a well written ABC poem and is also a great entry for the Share a Story in a Poem contest. Excellent alliteration with "shadow shapes surround". Perfect pairing of picture and poem. Best wishes for the contest, ANNIEDAWN! ~ ~ Connie
Comment Written 22-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Thank you for reviewing my poetry. This was difficult to write as it brought up so many memories but put them to rest. We were so under clothed and under fed back then and the storm was unexpected. Scary. Thanks again.
Comment from Oatmeal
AnnieDawn,
You did a wonderful job with this challenge. The flow was very nice. The arrangement is understandable and effective. The theme was good. Created impressions through the descriptions are vivid, forceful and making the reader think about it.
There was no SPAG. No room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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AnnieDawn,
You did a wonderful job with this challenge. The flow was very nice. The arrangement is understandable and effective. The theme was good. Created impressions through the descriptions are vivid, forceful and making the reader think about it.
There was no SPAG. No room for improvement.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 22-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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I am grateful for a review that compliments a writing that I have done. The way you describe my efforts gives the impression that it was a job well done and for something that came out of my life that is so very rewarding. Thank you so very much for the kind words..
Comment from Eternal Muse
That is a terrific story in a poem. Great rhymes and meter. A very emotive scenario written from a child's perspective. I am so happy she was found by her mother - what a horror for a 7 year old!
There are punctuation and minor meter issues - here are some suggestions already incorporated:
A blizzard charges through the dell,
beneath a tree I shelter there.
Come, mother dear, please, look for me!
During my walk from school I fell.
Evening is coming, I am cold,
for my thin coat is not so warm.
Going to sleep seems just the thing -
how else to make it through this storm?
Indeed, the blizzard now is worse;
Just when I think that I shall die,
keen shadow shapes surround the course,
Look, daylight's gone, I must not cry.
My sleepy eyelids slowly close;
I will freeze in this fetal pose.
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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That is a terrific story in a poem. Great rhymes and meter. A very emotive scenario written from a child's perspective. I am so happy she was found by her mother - what a horror for a 7 year old!
There are punctuation and minor meter issues - here are some suggestions already incorporated:
A blizzard charges through the dell,
beneath a tree I shelter there.
Come, mother dear, please, look for me!
During my walk from school I fell.
Evening is coming, I am cold,
for my thin coat is not so warm.
Going to sleep seems just the thing -
how else to make it through this storm?
Indeed, the blizzard now is worse;
Just when I think that I shall die,
keen shadow shapes surround the course,
Look, daylight's gone, I must not cry.
My sleepy eyelids slowly close;
I will freeze in this fetal pose.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 25-May-2017
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Your suggestions are excellent and I have problems with punctuation so most times leave it out. Thank you for your review and hopefully I can use your suggestions. Thanks again. Your tips are very much appreciated.
Comment from Caressa_08
Oh, what a story and true and too, also an ABC poem...I hope the judges take heed as this reader has, and just wish that I had a six left to grant to it...Imagining too, that there are many people like this little girl who wasn't as lucky to have a worried mother to search for her and find her, hopefully, alive, but most likely frostbitten or even an older person when a snow blizzard hits and people are caught in it...their lives are in jeopardy.
Thanks for sharing a remarkable poem...Caressa_08
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Oh, what a story and true and too, also an ABC poem...I hope the judges take heed as this reader has, and just wish that I had a six left to grant to it...Imagining too, that there are many people like this little girl who wasn't as lucky to have a worried mother to search for her and find her, hopefully, alive, but most likely frostbitten or even an older person when a snow blizzard hits and people are caught in it...their lives are in jeopardy.
Thanks for sharing a remarkable poem...Caressa_08
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you for your review. I was not sure how this would be received but enjoyed writing it. At the time it felt like it would be the end of life, even though it was at so young an age. The storm was unusual for the city we lived in and the teacher was fired for sending children out to walk home in the storm.
Comment from Nika2016
A very sad poem and I often question why children are sent out in the snow to school...I also question why I live in a place where opening a window in winter is life-threatening...
This poem will leave a lingering unsettling feeling, but the writing is nice.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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A very sad poem and I often question why children are sent out in the snow to school...I also question why I live in a place where opening a window in winter is life-threatening...
This poem will leave a lingering unsettling feeling, but the writing is nice.
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you for your review. I was not sure how this would be received but enjoyed writing it. At the time it felt like it would be the end of life, even though it was at so young an age. The storm was unusual for the city we lived in and the teacher was fired for sending children out to walk home in the storm.
Comment from estory
Nice job with this, we get a great sense of the hopelessness of the child, but from reading your notes I can't help feeling that the poem would have been much stronger if you would have set the poem in that graveyard; I think its a fantastic image, with that sense of death hanging over the scene. it would have made the poem much more vivid, more poignant. Kunch would have really loved it. estory
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Nice job with this, we get a great sense of the hopelessness of the child, but from reading your notes I can't help feeling that the poem would have been much stronger if you would have set the poem in that graveyard; I think its a fantastic image, with that sense of death hanging over the scene. it would have made the poem much more vivid, more poignant. Kunch would have really loved it. estory
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you for your review. I was not sure how this would be received but enjoyed writing it. At the time it felt like it would be the end of life, even though it was at so young an age. The storm was unusual for the city we lived in and the teacher was fired for sending children out to walk home in the storm.
Comment from marybell1
I enjoyed reading your poem "Lost in a Snow Storm". You rhymed it well and told a sad story rather well. I am not sure which contest you wish to enter. Is "Share a Story" or an "ABC Poem". You may wish to look into this.
Best of Luck.
Marybell1
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I enjoyed reading your poem "Lost in a Snow Storm". You rhymed it well and told a sad story rather well. I am not sure which contest you wish to enter. Is "Share a Story" or an "ABC Poem". You may wish to look into this.
Best of Luck.
Marybell1
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you for your review. I was not sure how this would be received but enjoyed writing it. At the time it felt like it would be the end of life, even though it was at so young an age. The storm was unusual for the city we lived in and the teacher was fired for sending children out to walk home in the storm.
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You are most welcome. Did you find the correct contest for your poem?
Marybell1.
Comment from bertranclan
I am fond of your tragic poem. It flows well and has a good storyline. In 6th grade for a project in English, I wrote a poem so similar to this one--the little girl dies in the end. I got criticized for that, but I argued that that was the logical end to the story. Thanks for posting--I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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I am fond of your tragic poem. It flows well and has a good storyline. In 6th grade for a project in English, I wrote a poem so similar to this one--the little girl dies in the end. I got criticized for that, but I argued that that was the logical end to the story. Thanks for posting--I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 19-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you for your review. I was not sure how this would be received but enjoyed writing it. At the time it felt like it would be the end of life, even though it was at so young an age. The storm was unusual for the city we lived in and the teacher was fired for sending children out to walk home in the storm.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written sad and heartfelt story poem in the format of an ABC poem. It is heartbreaking to think a child get lost in a snow storm and dies on the way from school to get home.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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A very well-written sad and heartfelt story poem in the format of an ABC poem. It is heartbreaking to think a child get lost in a snow storm and dies on the way from school to get home.
Comment Written 19-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you for your review. I was not sure how this would be received but enjoyed writing it. At the time it felt like it would be the end of life, even though it was at so young an age. The storm was unusual for the city we lived in and the teacher was fired for sending children out to walk home in the storm.