Rich man poor man.
Friends with differen life styles.14 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
Ha, ha. What a great idea. Never say it coming, but the clues are there.
I might suggest tightening the opening by avoiding so much repetition of passive voice. (WAS and WERE)
Example:
Tim, a successful property developer, owned many houses that yielded high rents. Recently he negotiated the purchase of a hotel chain.
However, his best friend Paul, kept getting thrown into jail etc.
(That would give you room for a few more words.)
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
Ha, ha. What a great idea. Never say it coming, but the clues are there.
I might suggest tightening the opening by avoiding so much repetition of passive voice. (WAS and WERE)
Example:
Tim, a successful property developer, owned many houses that yielded high rents. Recently he negotiated the purchase of a hotel chain.
However, his best friend Paul, kept getting thrown into jail etc.
(That would give you room for a few more words.)
Comment Written 15-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Thank you so much
Comment from lyenochka
Lol. I never understood Monopoly that well and rarely ever played long enough to get houses and hotels. But that certainly puts everything in a whole new light when we get to the end!
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
Lol. I never understood Monopoly that well and rarely ever played long enough to get houses and hotels. But that certainly puts everything in a whole new light when we get to the end!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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Many thanks for your grezt review
Comment from rspoet
An excellent twist at the end, nothing like a good old game of Monopoly
especially on a rainy day like we've had recently.
Perhaps Paul could use a few get out of jail free cards
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
RS
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
An excellent twist at the end, nothing like a good old game of Monopoly
especially on a rainy day like we've had recently.
Perhaps Paul could use a few get out of jail free cards
Nicely done
Good luck in the contest
RS
Comment Written 15-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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Many thanks for the great review
Comment from hari anand
Haha this one remined me of a quote i read somewhere... being famous on facebook is like being rich on monoploy.. I enjoyed your take on it. Best of luck.
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reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
Haha this one remined me of a quote i read somewhere... being famous on facebook is like being rich on monoploy.. I enjoyed your take on it. Best of luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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Thanks for the great review.