Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

Your poem is very interesting. I know you're talking about California but it could easily be Florida. The roads there are flat and straight as an arrow. There are no hills in the state, which makes motorcycle rinding boring.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018

I have not driven around much in Florida, except around Miami and out to Key West (fun!!). That stretch of the I-5 is SO flat and LONG - I had to make it more interesting :))
Carol

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

This is beautifully done free verse (which isn't my favorite type.) But you drew me into the highway and I recognized the brown California hills. Loved the "smiles slash white" and the "roars...shore" and the crescendo of the ominious approach to LA and the "lies" ahead.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018

Thank you so much for enjoying my free verse (which is pretty much all I write, so I really appreciate all of your reviews!) - those hills seem SO endless on that part of the Five. I was trying to find something poetic about them, and thinking about my favorite poet, Richard Hugo, who used to find inspiration driving around the remote areas of Montana.

Thank you too for the pump on my poem!! I am severely lacking Fanstory $$ at the moment :))
Carol

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

Beautiful! SIX STAR WRITE
I just don't have any left. So worth six.

"And the grapevine cuts through them"

Really didn't like 'them' at the end of that sentence, really not needed...brought it down to everyday speech, when so poetic.

I might even use 'as' at the beginning there also...but definitely;

"And the grapevine cuts through in chains of headlights..."

Beautiful imagery, calm and soothing.

Six stars.

RG

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018

Thank you so much, Roy! I like your suggestion, and I do appreciate ideas and suggestions very much. I appreciate the virtual six too :))

Have a wonderful Sunday!
Carol

Comment from RodG

Excellent

I've never driven this highway and now I hope I never do. Great description of the endless flat road through those golden hills. The contrast, once you get through the Grapevine is abrupt. This reads like a virtual road map in a video game. Nice. Rod

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018

It's not a thrilling ride, that's for sure. At least not unless you're going north of Redding and you get to see Mt. Shasta - that is amazing. Thanks for reading, I am trying my hand at some "California" poems, although I do have one about Garnet MT, an old mining town, and grizzly bears in the works :))
Carol

Comment from Miranda Langston

Excellent

this is a really well-written free verse about I-5. it's quite descriptive. i love the picture you have chosen to go along with the poem, as well :)

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018

When I wrote the poem I had NO idea where we were, and I looked at a map on my phone and we were nowhere near any kind of town. Fresno was way off to the east...

Thank you for the nice review :))
Carol

Comment from Michele Harber

Excellent

I'm picturing a truck driver, and how the road seems endless and the white line becomes mesmerizing. Your poem is very descriptive and very emotive, and made me feel as if I were in the driver's seat. I like your description of Los Angeles and its white smiles and bruised light. I've flown into L.A. many times, and the smog has always looked like a bruise over the city, so that was a very apt description.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018

Oh that smog is so awful!! We had been up far northern California, way north of San Francisco where the air is so nice and fresh. I miss that - but the golden hills really are pretty. Everyone at the rest stops always looks shell shocked, it's kind of funny - just from the heat and the endless road I guess!

Thanks for the review :))
Carol

reply by Michele Harber on 21-Oct-2018

I've always loved California, but the approach to L.A. by plane is definitely not pretty. It's definitely sad, as so much of the state is beautiful.

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018

It really isn't! It's especially bad when you're returning home from someplace nice like Arcata, CA or Montana, lol.

reply by Michele Harber on 21-Oct-2018

I live in New York City, and even entering that airspace doesn't compare to the smog over L.A. What a shame.

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Carol,You've brought back memories with this lovely free style poem about Interstate 5. Yeah, it's drab and nothing much happen. I can agree with that. I liked your poem. All the best. Ulla:)))

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 Comment Written 20-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018

Thanks, Ulla. It gets a lot better if you drive way north to Redding and beyond - then you get to see Mt. Shasta!

Carol

reply by Ulla on 22-Oct-2018

Actually, your poem, inspired me to write for the memoir contest of what happen to me once on Interstate 5. It still pays if you've got time to read it. You're mentioned in the notes. :)))

Comment from Anntonette

Excellent

This would of made an excellent free verse contest entry. Love the imagery I am getting from this piece of California. Its peaceful out of the city within the country I bet. Well done!
- Anntonette J

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 Comment Written 20-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2018

It always feels good to me to get out in the country where space opens up - and those golden hills are classic California!
Thanks for reading!
Carol