Beside the River, Long Ago
Love Poem29 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Hello Steve,
This is a marvelous love poem and entry for the contest.
It has that smooth flow of prose that is actually wonderful
rhymed poetry that wraps around each line like vines on a tree.
A complete story of love.
Should do well in the contest
Best wishes to you
Robert
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Hello Steve,
This is a marvelous love poem and entry for the contest.
It has that smooth flow of prose that is actually wonderful
rhymed poetry that wraps around each line like vines on a tree.
A complete story of love.
Should do well in the contest
Best wishes to you
Robert
Comment Written 28-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Robert, thanks so much for the great review and the six stars - much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image, Steve,
I wouldn't mind sitting
and relaxing there.
-I like your love poem very
much, as the deep feelings
between them is shown very well.
-The imagery and rhyme create
a vivid word picture of the scene.
-I like the opening verse with
the "...trees
that nodded their approval."
-You take us on a journey
through time, and the love still
remains from that first day.
-A very good entry; good luck.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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-Very nice image, Steve,
I wouldn't mind sitting
and relaxing there.
-I like your love poem very
much, as the deep feelings
between them is shown very well.
-The imagery and rhyme create
a vivid word picture of the scene.
-I like the opening verse with
the "...trees
that nodded their approval."
-You take us on a journey
through time, and the love still
remains from that first day.
-A very good entry; good luck.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2019
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Pam, thanks so much for the kind words. In our busy lives, who wouldn't want to find the time to sit under a shady tree and just watch the river go rolling by.
Steve
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You are very welcome, Steve. I agree with you.
Comment from meeshu
this love poem is very descriptive of nature surrounding the couple. nature goes about its business and new love is in its Spring. I like that. well done, Steve.....................meeshu
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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this love poem is very descriptive of nature surrounding the couple. nature goes about its business and new love is in its Spring. I like that. well done, Steve.....................meeshu
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Thanks, meeshu - glad you enjoyed this romantic tale.
Steve
Comment from Ty Hazlett
Steve thank you for your input. Reading your poem I see what you mean about the imagery. I am rather new to this so any suggestions are greatly appreciated. I tried to edit the "it's" but it would not let me. Thanks again......Ty
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019
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Steve thank you for your input. Reading your poem I see what you mean about the imagery. I am rather new to this so any suggestions are greatly appreciated. I tried to edit the "it's" but it would not let me. Thanks again......Ty
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2019
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Thanks for the review - your poem and mine are very different and mine relies on imagery to paint the picture of the event, while yours is more about your feelings. However, imagery is still important, otherwise you end up expressing your love exactly the same as thousands of other lovers and poets.
Good luck with the learning curve - we were all new to this once. Google is a godsend - try googling 'famous love poems' and you'll get more suggestions than you need.
Weird about the editing - you should be able to edit your poem at any time...
It's only a tiny thing anyway.
Steve
Comment from Warren Rodgers
Hi Steve, Wow I would not be surprised if this wins the contest. Technically it's near flawless meter with the possible exception of "riddled" which, over here, starts with a stressed syllable. Your abundant use of enjambment, I believe, is one of the marks of a skilled poet and makes your poem flow beautifully. Nice personification throughout and a beautiful read. One of your best ever on a topic of this nature. Good luck in the contest!
All the best
Rodger
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Hi Steve, Wow I would not be surprised if this wins the contest. Technically it's near flawless meter with the possible exception of "riddled" which, over here, starts with a stressed syllable. Your abundant use of enjambment, I believe, is one of the marks of a skilled poet and makes your poem flow beautifully. Nice personification throughout and a beautiful read. One of your best ever on a topic of this nature. Good luck in the contest!
All the best
Rodger
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Rodger, thanks so much for the enthusiastic review and the gift of stars.
I started off with a free verse piece expressing the same thing, but it demanded rhyme and meter, so I had to comply! Yes, I don't mind a little variation in meter where it's called for. Here, the feel and the hint of double meaning in 'riddled' outpointed the need for perfect iambic.
A winner? probably not, but I live in hope. Onwards to the sonnet contest now.
Steve
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Terrific entry for the contest, Steve. This love poem follows a couple's love through the different stages of their lives. In later years they still love each other, but aren't necessarily 'in love' with one another. As with most long time marriages, some of the spark is gone.
There are many great lines to this poem, but special standouts for this reader are:
-under trees that nodded their approval
- current of the years
- bandied on the bank
Best wishes for the contest with this great poem!
Cheers,
Connie
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Terrific entry for the contest, Steve. This love poem follows a couple's love through the different stages of their lives. In later years they still love each other, but aren't necessarily 'in love' with one another. As with most long time marriages, some of the spark is gone.
There are many great lines to this poem, but special standouts for this reader are:
-under trees that nodded their approval
- current of the years
- bandied on the bank
Best wishes for the contest with this great poem!
Cheers,
Connie
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Connie, thank you so much for the great review and the generous helping of stars. I've touched on this theme before, how love mellows over the years. I think it's worth repeating.
Steve
Comment from strandregs
Oh man
long sentences , I run out of breath.
I need you to read it to me.
I'm sure with the right intonation it will sound fabulous.
I got into the spirit of the swing in the last two.
love the ending.xx.Z.:-))
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Oh man
long sentences , I run out of breath.
I need you to read it to me.
I'm sure with the right intonation it will sound fabulous.
I got into the spirit of the swing in the last two.
love the ending.xx.Z.:-))
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Yeah, come down beside the river, I'll read to you! Wouldn't do it for just anyone!
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
As usual, Steve, you word choices are your hallmark.
the 'riddled' sun struck me.
I also like the personification of the setting for this blossoming love.
You gave me a bit of a scare in the third verse--I thought you were about to reveal that all went south with the immature dreams.
No. The dreams may have drifted with the 'chuckle' stream,
but the substance remained.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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As usual, Steve, you word choices are your hallmark.
the 'riddled' sun struck me.
I also like the personification of the setting for this blossoming love.
You gave me a bit of a scare in the third verse--I thought you were about to reveal that all went south with the immature dreams.
No. The dreams may have drifted with the 'chuckle' stream,
but the substance remained.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Laee, thanks as always for reading with understanding and for the generous stars.
Yes, I liked 'riddled' even though it broke the meter a tiny bit. The sound, plus precise meaning of 'sieved' plus the hint of a second meaning outweighed exact meter...
I've ventured down this road before, but it's an idea worth repeating.
Steve
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I think 'repeating' ideas is a part of the creative process. In my experience, 'ideas' become clearer over time and rumination. I hope I didn't just call you a cow. L
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:O)
Comment from nancy_e_davis
What a lovely picture to grace your poem. In your poem you speak of young love, cementing it beside a river that day long ago. You dreamed your dreams, Fanciful dreams that may have gone by the way but you still find the promise of those dreams in your lovers eyes. Very well done and a great entry for the contest. Good Luck Steve. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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What a lovely picture to grace your poem. In your poem you speak of young love, cementing it beside a river that day long ago. You dreamed your dreams, Fanciful dreams that may have gone by the way but you still find the promise of those dreams in your lovers eyes. Very well done and a great entry for the contest. Good Luck Steve. Nancy:)
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Nancy, thanks for the thoughtful review. I am glad you enjoyed this romantic piece.
Steve
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I am a sucker for romance and this poem filled my need. LOL I think we can all remember the carefree days of walking with our partner. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I am a sucker for romance and this poem filled my need. LOL I think we can all remember the carefree days of walking with our partner. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Barbara - glad you enjoyed my wee venture into romantic territory.
Steve
