The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Piper, Part 24"Young Adult Fantasy
21 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
Unfortunately, I haven't been following this tale but am enchanted by it. You have the idiom perfectly. I must see if I can find the time to go back and read previous chapters. It's not easy to find suitable original names for these characters. Redd-Lief is a great choice.
You show emotions very well by describing the actions and expressions that characterise them.
A most enjoyable read. Six stars all the way.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Unfortunately, I haven't been following this tale but am enchanted by it. You have the idiom perfectly. I must see if I can find the time to go back and read previous chapters. It's not easy to find suitable original names for these characters. Redd-Lief is a great choice.
You show emotions very well by describing the actions and expressions that characterise them.
A most enjoyable read. Six stars all the way.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Tony,
Thank you for the wonderful six star rating. I appreciate you pointing out what you liked so I know what works.
Debi
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Interesting idea of making the sound the 'crumbs" to be fallowed to the lost hero. Piper with his magic music leads the way to be discovered . "A tune wafted upon the breeze, so soft it was more of a caress than a sound. Burkehart felt the tension in his muscles ease a bit and he sighed. Ah, that music is almost magical; so joyful, so relaxing. He yawned. I wonder if Troy has reached Hanover with the musicians yet. I should head back and check on them. Ah, but that music is sweet. Burkehart opened his eyes. Flute music in the forest? His lips turned up slightly. Piper. So I haven't lost you after all, my young friend. There is still time to save you from the Fae." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Interesting idea of making the sound the 'crumbs" to be fallowed to the lost hero. Piper with his magic music leads the way to be discovered . "A tune wafted upon the breeze, so soft it was more of a caress than a sound. Burkehart felt the tension in his muscles ease a bit and he sighed. Ah, that music is almost magical; so joyful, so relaxing. He yawned. I wonder if Troy has reached Hanover with the musicians yet. I should head back and check on them. Ah, but that music is sweet. Burkehart opened his eyes. Flute music in the forest? His lips turned up slightly. Piper. So I haven't lost you after all, my young friend. There is still time to save you from the Fae." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Iza Deleanu,
Thank you for your insightful comments and good luck wishes. I appreciate both.
Debi
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very well-written interesting chapter. Very realistic, believable. I immediately felt empathy for pipper what he must be going through. I do hope no harm comes to him. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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This is a very well-written interesting chapter. Very realistic, believable. I immediately felt empathy for pipper what he must be going through. I do hope no harm comes to him. Nicely done.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Mistydawn,
Thank you for the comments. I am happy to hear you could connect with the character. This means a lot to me.
Debi
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I especially like your character names. I think "Melodica" for the mother sounds lovely. I thought the dialogue flowed well. I think, with this line: That voice is too soothing, too controlled to not have a spell concealed within it.
You split an infinitive there with 'to not have a spell.' I think, unless you were going for a conversational, casual tone, that I would un-split it like this:
That voice is too soothing, too controlled not to have a spell concealed within it.
Nice chapter! Hope (Captain) Burkehart outwits the tricksters and gets to where he wants to be.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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I especially like your character names. I think "Melodica" for the mother sounds lovely. I thought the dialogue flowed well. I think, with this line: That voice is too soothing, too controlled to not have a spell concealed within it.
You split an infinitive there with 'to not have a spell.' I think, unless you were going for a conversational, casual tone, that I would un-split it like this:
That voice is too soothing, too controlled not to have a spell concealed within it.
Nice chapter! Hope (Captain) Burkehart outwits the tricksters and gets to where he wants to be.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Crystie Cookie,
Thank you for the comment about the character names. I appreciate you catching the split infinitive. I have a teacher friend who says there really isn't a rule against it, but we all grew up thinking there is. I agree with you though, it does sound better when it isn't split. I made the change in my manuscript and it does read better.
Thank you,
Debi
Comment from juliaSjames
I'm so pleased that you posted another chapter. This is developing into a mystery. The reader follows one argument and then is persuaded by another. Intriguing.
There may be small nits here and there but the write deserves a six, for plot, suspense, character delineation and action.
Well done.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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I'm so pleased that you posted another chapter. This is developing into a mystery. The reader follows one argument and then is persuaded by another. Intriguing.
There may be small nits here and there but the write deserves a six, for plot, suspense, character delineation and action.
Well done.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi juliaSjames,
Thank you so much for the generous six stars, especially since I find so many nits upon reading the story again myself. I hope I have caught them all.
I appreciate you following the story and for the support and encouragement.
Thank you,
Debi
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You're welcome. It's a great story, nits and all.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Yeah, Why didn't Burkehart answer the question? Why are they called fair Folk? They are certainly skillful when it comes to disappearing with no trace. LOL He thinks, "There has to be some way into the faerie realm." Will he find it?
Well done, Debbie. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Yeah, Why didn't Burkehart answer the question? Why are they called fair Folk? They are certainly skillful when it comes to disappearing with no trace. LOL He thinks, "There has to be some way into the faerie realm." Will he find it?
Well done, Debbie. Nancy:)
Comment Written 28-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Nancy,
You're the only one that commented on why Burkehart didn't answer the question. The answer will be found in a later chapter.
Thank you so much for continuing to follow the story. I appreciate your support.
Debi
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a well written and described chapter to your story, debi. We can follow the actions of Captain Burkehart very well. Same for dialogue. Chapter reads smoothly and moves along at a good pace. Marilyn
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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This is a well written and described chapter to your story, debi. We can follow the actions of Captain Burkehart very well. Same for dialogue. Chapter reads smoothly and moves along at a good pace. Marilyn
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Marilyn,
Thank you for continuing to follow the story. I appreciate the encouraging comments about the story and the dialogue. It is good to know what works.
Debi
Comment from beizanten
A long yet very interesting background summary. A well written first paragraph. You describe your characters action and emotion well bringing them and the story into life.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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A long yet very interesting background summary. A well written first paragraph. You describe your characters action and emotion well bringing them and the story into life.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from robyn corum
Debi,
A lovely chapter with lots of challenging problems and issues to consider. Who is good and who is bad? Who is to be trusted with this boy and his life and heart? I can definitely understand why someone who loves him would be cautious and guarded.
This chapter flowed well and was carefully written and crafted. I enjoyed it very much. I saw a few nits here and there, but barely enough to mention - though I will. hahahaha
Notes:
1.) One youngster, a Fae of about ten-years-old, burst from the group
--> I'm a big believer in less is more. Streamlining every sentence down to its very core essence. Looks like you do that, as well. Several of my notes are to that end.
--> One youngster, a Fae of about ten years, burst from the group
2.) He reached Redd-Leif and leaped-up to give him a hug.
--> most often, you can lose these kinds of 'directional' words without losing any meaning.
--> He reached Redd-Leif and leaped to give him a hug
3.) Burkehart sat down on a rock and took a long drink from his
--> Burkehart sat on a rock and took...
4.) A tune wafted upon the breeze, so soft (it) was more of a caress than
5.) taller than a young Fae, he was being lifted off of the ground in a tight embrace
--> delete 'of'
6.) Captain. Answer this on one instead.
--> delete 'on'
Very nicely done. Small nits, but they don't detract from the chapter. Still worthy of the five. Thanks!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Debi,
A lovely chapter with lots of challenging problems and issues to consider. Who is good and who is bad? Who is to be trusted with this boy and his life and heart? I can definitely understand why someone who loves him would be cautious and guarded.
This chapter flowed well and was carefully written and crafted. I enjoyed it very much. I saw a few nits here and there, but barely enough to mention - though I will. hahahaha
Notes:
1.) One youngster, a Fae of about ten-years-old, burst from the group
--> I'm a big believer in less is more. Streamlining every sentence down to its very core essence. Looks like you do that, as well. Several of my notes are to that end.
--> One youngster, a Fae of about ten years, burst from the group
2.) He reached Redd-Leif and leaped-up to give him a hug.
--> most often, you can lose these kinds of 'directional' words without losing any meaning.
--> He reached Redd-Leif and leaped to give him a hug
3.) Burkehart sat down on a rock and took a long drink from his
--> Burkehart sat on a rock and took...
4.) A tune wafted upon the breeze, so soft (it) was more of a caress than
5.) taller than a young Fae, he was being lifted off of the ground in a tight embrace
--> delete 'of'
6.) Captain. Answer this on one instead.
--> delete 'on'
Very nicely done. Small nits, but they don't detract from the chapter. Still worthy of the five. Thanks!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Hi Robyn,
Thank you so much for taking the time to point out those nits. I obviously need an editor because I seem to miss them no matter how many times I read it.
I appreciate the five stars and the encouraging comments about the story.
Debi
Comment from rspoet
Hello w.j.debi
A magical tale. You haven't missed a beat from the last episode.
Marvelous decoy, that soothing voice leading Burkehart away.
To out-trick a trickster or outsmart a fae,
the captain has his work cut out for him.
But Burkehart seems to know the way of the woods and the creatures
very well.
Wonderful to read the Tale of the Piper again.
My last six
Well done, my friend.
Robert
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Hello w.j.debi
A magical tale. You haven't missed a beat from the last episode.
Marvelous decoy, that soothing voice leading Burkehart away.
To out-trick a trickster or outsmart a fae,
the captain has his work cut out for him.
But Burkehart seems to know the way of the woods and the creatures
very well.
Wonderful to read the Tale of the Piper again.
My last six
Well done, my friend.
Robert
Comment Written 27-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2019
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Hi Robert,
Thank you so much for the generous six stars, especially your last one. I appreciate your continued support and encouragement. I appreciate your thoughts on the chapter. It helps to know what comes across. Thank you also for your patience. I had computer issues which delayed this post by several weeks.
Debi