Before the storm
Free verse19 total reviews
Comment from Mark Valentine
Q. What you get when you cross a meteorologist with a poet?
A. The first stanza of this poem.
How fun if all weather forecasts were like this "The wind will howl like the lonesome wolf, desperately crying 'neath the gibbous moon, at 15- 20 mph out of the southwest. Now for the 5 day..."
I love, and can relate to the idea of a "silence that waits to be broken", an idea you expand upon in the next stanza. Seems we always have to leave our graced moments behind, and try as we might to bring them with us into our "real" lives, they tend not to be portable.
And now life will imitate art as I will leave this wonderfully evocative and profound poem behind to start my work day. At least I can put it on a shelf to be taken down later.
Peace
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Q. What you get when you cross a meteorologist with a poet?
A. The first stanza of this poem.
How fun if all weather forecasts were like this "The wind will howl like the lonesome wolf, desperately crying 'neath the gibbous moon, at 15- 20 mph out of the southwest. Now for the 5 day..."
I love, and can relate to the idea of a "silence that waits to be broken", an idea you expand upon in the next stanza. Seems we always have to leave our graced moments behind, and try as we might to bring them with us into our "real" lives, they tend not to be portable.
And now life will imitate art as I will leave this wonderfully evocative and profound poem behind to start my work day. At least I can put it on a shelf to be taken down later.
Peace
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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You would laugh if you could see some of the forecasts that people print out and save, some not as far removed from your example as you might think, ha ha.
Thanks so much, Mark, for the review and the stars :)))
Carol
Comment from Pantygynt
This reminded me so much of my home as a child, or at least the third stanza did, and a domestic situation is what I believe this poem to be all about. The lull before the storm is not a calm and peaceful one in the domestic situation described here. The comparison between domestic and meteorological lulls-before-storms is well made.
Clearly, as a meteorologist, you have professional experience of the latter, and I am hoping that is the part that is biographical rather than the domestic part.
The storm is used as a highly successful metaphor for domestic disruption. Metaphor is so much more powerful in poetry than simile, where the subject is pinned to a single image, because metaphor allows the image to be subjectively interpreted, and so becomes universally relevant.
Your use of simile in the first stanza is only relevant to those who have experienced, or perhaps can imagine, 'water in a hidden grove', while everyone has experienced a storm of some description so the principal metaphor will be universally understood.
This does not mean that simile should not be used. It could be argued that, placed alongside a strong metaphor, as here, the comparison might be most effective.
I thought this a magnificent piece of poetry and have no hesitation in awarding it six stars.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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This reminded me so much of my home as a child, or at least the third stanza did, and a domestic situation is what I believe this poem to be all about. The lull before the storm is not a calm and peaceful one in the domestic situation described here. The comparison between domestic and meteorological lulls-before-storms is well made.
Clearly, as a meteorologist, you have professional experience of the latter, and I am hoping that is the part that is biographical rather than the domestic part.
The storm is used as a highly successful metaphor for domestic disruption. Metaphor is so much more powerful in poetry than simile, where the subject is pinned to a single image, because metaphor allows the image to be subjectively interpreted, and so becomes universally relevant.
Your use of simile in the first stanza is only relevant to those who have experienced, or perhaps can imagine, 'water in a hidden grove', while everyone has experienced a storm of some description so the principal metaphor will be universally understood.
This does not mean that simile should not be used. It could be argued that, placed alongside a strong metaphor, as here, the comparison might be most effective.
I thought this a magnificent piece of poetry and have no hesitation in awarding it six stars.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much, I am glad you noticed the care I put into weaving together the scientific and domestic situations. My home life growing up was like that too, now that you mention it! I wanted to mention the water in the grove early on, so I could return to it later. I'm glad the simile works! Thank you so much for this review,
Carol
Comment from Gloria ....
I really like how you've almost written this with a haibun flavour. That ending with a haiku, in my opinion.
So many contrasting images and mostly overtaken with cold and sadness, but still the elements carry on.
A superb free-verse, Carol with economy of words that expose the imagery with great clarity.
A most poignant read this evening.
Gloria
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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I really like how you've almost written this with a haibun flavour. That ending with a haiku, in my opinion.
So many contrasting images and mostly overtaken with cold and sadness, but still the elements carry on.
A superb free-verse, Carol with economy of words that expose the imagery with great clarity.
A most poignant read this evening.
Gloria
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Thank you Gloria, I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I never thought of it being like a haibun, I can see what you mean.
Carol
Comment from karenina
Excellent free verse. Your words are crisp and evocative. The mood is shadows and shrouds. I read through it twice appreciating that every word seemed sculpted to fit one to the other. Nothing extraneous to dilute the eloquence. Best free verse I've read in months! Six stars...
Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Excellent free verse. Your words are crisp and evocative. The mood is shadows and shrouds. I read through it twice appreciating that every word seemed sculpted to fit one to the other. Nothing extraneous to dilute the eloquence. Best free verse I've read in months! Six stars...
Karenina
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate that you noticed how carefully I picked the words. I don't just write and post, I revise a few times, sometimes many times. Trying to blend the storm with a stormy relationship :))
Carol
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Your commitment to your writing is clear. Are you published? If so please tell me where I may order your work!--Karenina
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Well, the only publications are a couple of collections of southern California artists.The first one is called Radical Beauty: Malibu after the fire. I honestly can't remember the name of the second one... it's new, and also about the big fires in 2018 in southern California.
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Hmmm. Don't think I can access them right? I'll fan you and catch what you right here!--Karenina
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The Radical Beauty one is on Amazon, but you can always read here too :))
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Thanks!--Karenina
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with describing the feeling of nature, a peace before the storm. And you use the storm of nature to show us the impending storm in the home. I like how the last stanza shows "storm bent trees" showing those who bear the brunt of emotional storms to protect peace in the home.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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Great job with describing the feeling of nature, a peace before the storm. And you use the storm of nature to show us the impending storm in the home. I like how the last stanza shows "storm bent trees" showing those who bear the brunt of emotional storms to protect peace in the home.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
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I like that interpretation of the storm-bent trees! I didn't think about that when I was writing it, but it really works. Thank you !
Carol
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You're most welcome! I'm sure you meant it subconsciously! ☺
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Carol. This is a well written free verse. It describes the loneliness we may feel when conflict, especially emotional, is running high. We only seem to be able to find an unsettling peace. Marilyn
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Hi Carol. This is a well written free verse. It describes the loneliness we may feel when conflict, especially emotional, is running high. We only seem to be able to find an unsettling peace. Marilyn
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much, Marilyn, I had to take a quiet moment to myself and look at the moon. It seemed to know how I felt after a VERY busy work shift, coming home to a crabby husband, lol.
Carol
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It's hard when they are crabby. Mine was crabby a lot. He's passed away. Maybe I wouldn't mind the crabbiness so much anymore. :(
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It's hard when they are crabby. Mine was crabby a lot. He's passed away. Maybe I wouldn't mind the crabbiness so much anymore. :(
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It's so hard to have that perspective in the moment though :(
Comment from BethShelby
Beautifully written poem. I'm sorry it is even partially biographical. It sounds foreboding. No one should live in dread of what they know will soon befall them. Your words are crafted is such a to cause feeling of dread.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Beautifully written poem. I'm sorry it is even partially biographical. It sounds foreboding. No one should live in dread of what they know will soon befall them. Your words are crafted is such a to cause feeling of dread.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much, I appreciate your understanding of the poem (and your concern :)) )
Carol
Comment from Joan E.
I admired your vivid description of the scene and the advancing storm. Thanks for letting us know this free verse is partially autobiographical, which accounts for its being laden with emotion. Your reinforcing picture selection is quite effective. Sighs- Joan
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reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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I admired your vivid description of the scene and the advancing storm. Thanks for letting us know this free verse is partially autobiographical, which accounts for its being laden with emotion. Your reinforcing picture selection is quite effective. Sighs- Joan
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020
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Thank you, Joan, it was before that big wind storm we had a week ago!
Carol
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We are supposed to have rain tomorrow, but hopefully no wind. Be safe out there- Joan
Comment from K Dono
This is so beautiful. This part gave me chills. So much imagery, I love the personification of nature "Why can't I extend
this moment of peace
into the house
where he walks, restless;
into the space between the quiet
and the coming batter of wind?"
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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This is so beautiful. This part gave me chills. So much imagery, I love the personification of nature "Why can't I extend
this moment of peace
into the house
where he walks, restless;
into the space between the quiet
and the coming batter of wind?"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020
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I reread the paragraph and had the thought, maybe it's something a battered woman would feel (the use of that word for the wind). Well, that is not my situation, thank God. People can batter with words though...
Thanks so much for this review!
Carol
