Pretending...
A sweet stroll at the beach releases my imagination...17 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
Hello, dear friend. This is highly original (as is ever true of you!) and delightfully expressive. The repetition serves it well in building a subtle crescendo to the closing AHA, which makes impact in a pitch perfect manner. Good flow and phrasing and punctuation choices, though I do suggest considering using a dash instead of a semicolon prior to the repeated pretending line...and I love the examples you chose. Delightful!
One spag:
Ahead, a placid line of sandy road, nebulous and(,) somehow, reposed;
Favorite line:
Fast and feisty, a goose flies above my head; its musical chirp pretending, joyfully pretending to be a troubadour.
Pitch perfect closing aha:
Quiet slice of beach this Sunday morning; pretending, peacefully pretending to be my chapel.
Loved this!
Big hugs,
rd
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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Hello, dear friend. This is highly original (as is ever true of you!) and delightfully expressive. The repetition serves it well in building a subtle crescendo to the closing AHA, which makes impact in a pitch perfect manner. Good flow and phrasing and punctuation choices, though I do suggest considering using a dash instead of a semicolon prior to the repeated pretending line...and I love the examples you chose. Delightful!
One spag:
Ahead, a placid line of sandy road, nebulous and(,) somehow, reposed;
Favorite line:
Fast and feisty, a goose flies above my head; its musical chirp pretending, joyfully pretending to be a troubadour.
Pitch perfect closing aha:
Quiet slice of beach this Sunday morning; pretending, peacefully pretending to be my chapel.
Loved this!
Big hugs,
rd
Comment Written 24-May-2020
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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We have a sort of a same heart. Those last lines bring a tear to my eyes...This was a line from above.
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Indeed it was! Indeed we do!
Hugs,
rd
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I think your pretending certainly must border on "real". I think, perhaps, the better word is "imagination" which you obviously put to good use. I enjoyed this softly written poem.
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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I think your pretending certainly must border on "real". I think, perhaps, the better word is "imagination" which you obviously put to good use. I enjoyed this softly written poem.
Comment Written 24-May-2020
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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For sure your comments made me humble, is all a gift from above, I am happy it reached your heart.
Comment from tfawcus
How interesting to be able to use one's imagination in this way, to enter a new realm of pretence. In a way, each one of these things stands as a metaphor for what it pretends to be.
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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How interesting to be able to use one's imagination in this way, to enter a new realm of pretence. In a way, each one of these things stands as a metaphor for what it pretends to be.
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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Thank you for reading and liking my work posted here, at this time.
Comment from royowen
I don't think there's anything more spiritually powerful than walking beside water or just simply communing with nature to boost that special feeling of God's presence. Beautifully written, I really enjoyed you sharing your great experience, well done, good job, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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I don't think there's anything more spiritually powerful than walking beside water or just simply communing with nature to boost that special feeling of God's presence. Beautifully written, I really enjoyed you sharing your great experience, well done, good job, blessings Roy
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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Than you so much for stopping by, Roy.
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My pleasure
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Your writing is masterful and strong. You are able to say much with few words, and the words you use conjure up images in the mind. Well done!
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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Your writing is masterful and strong. You are able to say much with few words, and the words you use conjure up images in the mind. Well done!
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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Thank you, Rebecca,for stopping by and reading my work.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Tootsie
This is a special poem your insight is amazing and one can just see all these things pretending and feeling the ocean breeze tickling your face
Thanks for sharing Keep up the good work
Love Tootsie
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reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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This is a special poem your insight is amazing and one can just see all these things pretending and feeling the ocean breeze tickling your face
Thanks for sharing Keep up the good work
Love Tootsie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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Thank you for your encouraging comments, Tootsie.
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You are a mere child I just turned 90
And feeling great
Tootsie
Comment from Diana Kane
This is so descriptive. I love the repetition of the word pretending. I feel like I could be walking on that beach as well. This just elicits a joyful feeling in the reader from my perspective. Thank you for sharing.
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reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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This is so descriptive. I love the repetition of the word pretending. I feel like I could be walking on that beach as well. This just elicits a joyful feeling in the reader from my perspective. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-May-2020
reply by the author on 24-May-2020
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Thank you for your great comments to this work on my walk on the beach. I like your words.