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Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Nightmare"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
12 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Very nicely written. I didn't see any errors or issues with the construction. I did think, maybe some thing could be added to increase the sense of fear and worry the girls felt. Some way to make it stronger for the reader. But, then perhaps you don't want to scare the intended audience.
Well done.
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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Very nicely written. I didn't see any errors or issues with the construction. I did think, maybe some thing could be added to increase the sense of fear and worry the girls felt. Some way to make it stronger for the reader. But, then perhaps you don't want to scare the intended audience.
Well done.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. There are many more stories for these girls. The reader is invited to get emotionally involved with these stories of each girl.
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for the character list! Now I see there is a cast of 12 ladies to keep track of. Great job with describing the fear and nervousness climbing in the cave. I was surprised by the dream. It's like you are teasing the reader to what is real and what is the dream. And I like the deep reflection about the injustices done to Native Americans in history.
Comments:
or in this case, the non-winner of the game, (blank spaces follow here)
differently. It's too complicated.
Liz laughed, "Me too. Not surprising we'd be thinking the same thing. (Seems like you had a change of speaker from Linda to Liz so you probably want to change paragraphs and put an end quote. )
Cranking her neck enabled her to see (maybe Craning her neck?)
I'm sure Linda is very achy-breaky. What an exhausting day. (This sentence is in the paragraph which starts with Linda so I thought it was Linda doing the thinking so I would think she's thinking that Liz is feeling achy-breaky.
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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you for the character list! Now I see there is a cast of 12 ladies to keep track of. Great job with describing the fear and nervousness climbing in the cave. I was surprised by the dream. It's like you are teasing the reader to what is real and what is the dream. And I like the deep reflection about the injustices done to Native Americans in history.
Comments:
or in this case, the non-winner of the game, (blank spaces follow here)
differently. It's too complicated.
Liz laughed, "Me too. Not surprising we'd be thinking the same thing. (Seems like you had a change of speaker from Linda to Liz so you probably want to change paragraphs and put an end quote. )
Cranking her neck enabled her to see (maybe Craning her neck?)
I'm sure Linda is very achy-breaky. What an exhausting day. (This sentence is in the paragraph which starts with Linda so I thought it was Linda doing the thinking so I would think she's thinking that Liz is feeling achy-breaky.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much for your enthusiastic supportive review. I'm glad you appreciated it.
