Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Betrayal Chapter 2"In the title.
49 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Your story ended way opposite of what I thought it would....I must see in the next chapter what she says about her designs. I guess if she stole them from another person that would be very traumatic!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Your story ended way opposite of what I thought it would....I must see in the next chapter what she says about her designs. I guess if she stole them from another person that would be very traumatic!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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It couldn't be too predictable, you'd all guess what's going on before I even know!! LOL! I had a lot of that with my ABC book, everyone tried to guess what the next animal would be, most failed! lol. Thank you so much, Rosemary, for another lovely review. I'm delighted you are still continuing to read it. That is so encouraging. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
This is progressing nicely. I'm getting the bulk of the storyline which is good and the relationships are building up and out. Some of the details, I believe, need a little bit of attention. Some of this refers back to the previous instalment -
inconsiderate driving had splattered her coat with muddy water! - minor detail alert here. In the previous chapter it states mud, not muddy water. Maybe this needs clarification?
lady wore the most unflattering clothes, and no make-up. - I don't think this rings true. If it's such an important job, surely she'd be turned out as best as possible? It feels like these are contrivances to suit the story. It's probably just me, but it doesn't feel right somehow.
The plans are evidently quite large and as they'd been rolled, they'd need to be carried in tubes rather than portfolio. There's no mention of this earlier. It comes back to that early opening scene of her running down the road after him in the car. It would have been incredibly awkward and difficult to do so with tubes and a portfolio but there's no mention of that.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Hi Sandra,
This is progressing nicely. I'm getting the bulk of the storyline which is good and the relationships are building up and out. Some of the details, I believe, need a little bit of attention. Some of this refers back to the previous instalment -
inconsiderate driving had splattered her coat with muddy water! - minor detail alert here. In the previous chapter it states mud, not muddy water. Maybe this needs clarification?
lady wore the most unflattering clothes, and no make-up. - I don't think this rings true. If it's such an important job, surely she'd be turned out as best as possible? It feels like these are contrivances to suit the story. It's probably just me, but it doesn't feel right somehow.
The plans are evidently quite large and as they'd been rolled, they'd need to be carried in tubes rather than portfolio. There's no mention of this earlier. It comes back to that early opening scene of her running down the road after him in the car. It would have been incredibly awkward and difficult to do so with tubes and a portfolio but there's no mention of that.
All the best
G
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Thank you again, my friend. I'll be spending some time this afternoon going over them all. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from RShipp
Bingo! My wish was granted. The interview was with 'the despicable man'!
'Confound it! You just hold on there!' Grant was up and around the desk in a flash... (The man is used to winning. I love the challenge!)
Wow! What a concluding few lines. I am intrigued to find out the answer.
Enjoyed!
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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Bingo! My wish was granted. The interview was with 'the despicable man'!
'Confound it! You just hold on there!' Grant was up and around the desk in a flash... (The man is used to winning. I love the challenge!)
Wow! What a concluding few lines. I am intrigued to find out the answer.
Enjoyed!
Comment Written 11-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2020
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LOL! Yes it was! Lol. And you're right, he is used to winning. He hadn't met Tania until now, so he'll soon learn! Thank you again, my friend, for another lovely review. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from trimple
Good afternoon, Sandra
Her day had just gone from a bad dream to [wide-awake--living?] nightmare.
and no make-up. [The make-up she didn't need.--not that a pallet of artificial coloures would have enhanced her natural beauty?
Lorna knew what was [demanded-- expected? from the applicants and[made sure--ensured? her staff [knew, as well.-- were well informed?
until he felt Lorna give him a painful kick on his calf to bring him back to the interview.-- I'm a little confused here. Grant is the owner and director of the company. For Lorna to kick him, suggests that they are either in a relationship, maybe? Just doesn't seem logical that a member of staff would have the audacity otherwise. Maybe I need to read on and all will be revealed later :)
'I'm a qualified architect, and have [a few--several? successful designs to my name, which I've mentioned in my C.V. As to why I think you would be interested in [mine-- my particular skills?] for your project, I [think the proof would be in the seeing.
Nothing I could say will tell you better than that.
'--well, I assume you to have read the content of my CV and overall experience in design projects. If you care to look closer, you will see that I have excelled in the past with designs that would lend themselves perfectly in-line with your current ideals.?
did you go and view the area in question?-- I would assume that every architect would 'have' to explore the location first hand?
An interesting plot you have here, Sandra.
My only thoughts after reading, were that you could perhaps expand a little more on the characters in question, so that the reader gets to know them better as we read the dynamic between them.
Just my thoughts :)
I hardly know an onion from a bananananana :)
kind regards
tracey
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2020
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Good afternoon, Sandra
Her day had just gone from a bad dream to [wide-awake--living?] nightmare.
and no make-up. [The make-up she didn't need.--not that a pallet of artificial coloures would have enhanced her natural beauty?
Lorna knew what was [demanded-- expected? from the applicants and[made sure--ensured? her staff [knew, as well.-- were well informed?
until he felt Lorna give him a painful kick on his calf to bring him back to the interview.-- I'm a little confused here. Grant is the owner and director of the company. For Lorna to kick him, suggests that they are either in a relationship, maybe? Just doesn't seem logical that a member of staff would have the audacity otherwise. Maybe I need to read on and all will be revealed later :)
'I'm a qualified architect, and have [a few--several? successful designs to my name, which I've mentioned in my C.V. As to why I think you would be interested in [mine-- my particular skills?] for your project, I [think the proof would be in the seeing.
Nothing I could say will tell you better than that.
'--well, I assume you to have read the content of my CV and overall experience in design projects. If you care to look closer, you will see that I have excelled in the past with designs that would lend themselves perfectly in-line with your current ideals.?
did you go and view the area in question?-- I would assume that every architect would 'have' to explore the location first hand?
An interesting plot you have here, Sandra.
My only thoughts after reading, were that you could perhaps expand a little more on the characters in question, so that the reader gets to know them better as we read the dynamic between them.
Just my thoughts :)
I hardly know an onion from a bananananana :)
kind regards
tracey
Comment Written 10-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2020
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Good morning, Tracey. It's sunny down here in Southampton, what's it like in your area?
Thank you so much for reading chapter 2. I've made some changes, the 'demanded' is now 'expected'. :)
You mention Lorna being just a member of Grant's staff. It does mention her position in the company in the 3rd paragraph down, after Grant's thoughts. She is a director of the company and a member of the board, so she would be more familiar with him than if she was just an employee. This is Tania's fourth interview, the other three were mentioned in chap 1. The other point you raised was answered by Tania in her thoughts, clients don't ask the architect questions about how they approach the job, they just want to see the drawing. So she knew Grant was being obnoxious.
You've mentioned a couple of other points; those will be answered in the 4th and 5th chapters. I will be posting chap 3 today. The characters will develop in 'a show-not tell', way, so that will happen through actions and conversations. This is only the second Fanstory chapter, but in the final copy it is still only chapter one. Phew! I do hope that answers a couple of your questions.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this chapter, that is exactly what I ask for in my author's notes. I do appreciate the time you took with your review. Have a lovely Sunday! Warm hugs, Sandra xx
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Well, at least it's not raining this morning :)
Maybe I'm losing the plot then, as I don't recall what you mention in the last chapter... I know that Grant slashed her coat :)
Maybe I'll have to go back again...
Memory like a tea strainer.
kind regards
tracey
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I know what you mean. There are times I have to go back to read a previous chapter when they are only posted once a week. I'll be posting twice a week soon as I've just started another novel. :))
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Holy crap! It takes me days just to get a poem together :)
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LOL! I am an addictive writer, I'm afraid, I really must get a life off here. :)
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:)
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
You've set up the dynamic between Miss Russell and Mr Grant perfectly.
One can feel the sparks fly, and egos rise.
Lorna serves as an excellent neutral observer.
The ending is a perfect cliff-hanger, as we know Tania's work has been
'stolen' before, but now we have the accusation from Mr Grant that she is the one stealing .
The next chapter or two should be very interesting and family ties may bind or not.
Well done.
Robert
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2020
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Hello Sandra,
You've set up the dynamic between Miss Russell and Mr Grant perfectly.
One can feel the sparks fly, and egos rise.
Lorna serves as an excellent neutral observer.
The ending is a perfect cliff-hanger, as we know Tania's work has been
'stolen' before, but now we have the accusation from Mr Grant that she is the one stealing .
The next chapter or two should be very interesting and family ties may bind or not.
Well done.
Robert
Comment Written 08-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2020
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Thank you so very much for the six stars, Robert, and the lovely review. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this chapter. You're right about Lorna, she sees and takes things in. Thanks again, my dear friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from alexisleech
Superb! Beautifully written and full of surprises. Of course, I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park, but I could never have anticipated the end of this chapter doing such a U turn. So how's that happened? We all know Tania wouldn't cheat because she's a good guy, so how could she have replicated somebody else's style? I can't wait to find out!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2020
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Superb! Beautifully written and full of surprises. Of course, I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park, but I could never have anticipated the end of this chapter doing such a U turn. So how's that happened? We all know Tania wouldn't cheat because she's a good guy, so how could she have replicated somebody else's style? I can't wait to find out!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 08-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for all those shiny stars, Alexis, and the fabulous review. I'm over the moon that you enjoyed reading this part. Goodness know what's happening! Who'd have thought Tania would steal someone elses plans, that't not at all nice!! :)) Big warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Bill Pinder
Thanks for sharing this very well written chapter to your book. It comes across as very believable with the dialogue between the characters and the expression of their personalities. Look forward to the next chapter. Bill
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Thanks for sharing this very well written chapter to your book. It comes across as very believable with the dialogue between the characters and the expression of their personalities. Look forward to the next chapter. Bill
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for another of your lovely reviews, Bill. I really appreciate your comments. Warm hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
Oh my! This sounds like quite the dilemma. Surely Tania wouldn't have used someone else's or copied someone's work, claiming it to be her work. I can't wait to find out and see more of this interaction between her and Grant. This is great work and I enjoyed reading this well written chapter. Well done!
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Oh my! This sounds like quite the dilemma. Surely Tania wouldn't have used someone else's or copied someone's work, claiming it to be her work. I can't wait to find out and see more of this interaction between her and Grant. This is great work and I enjoyed reading this well written chapter. Well done!
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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AW, Thank you so much, Jeffrey, for the lovely six stars and wonderful review. You have made my day! I'm so pleased that you enjoyed this chapter. Sending you a warm hug, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Earl Corp
I'm not sure what the problem between Grant and Tania is, since I didn't read chapter one I probably missed it. Very nice job. Stay Safe and stay healthy.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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I'm not sure what the problem between Grant and Tania is, since I didn't read chapter one I probably missed it. Very nice job. Stay Safe and stay healthy.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Not to worry, the real problem is happening now, and Tania has a battle on her hands. Thank you for reading, Earl, that was so kind of you. Have a nice day, my friend. :)) Sandra
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Oh, I do believe I know where this is going... but I'm a-gonna hold my tongue til next time!! ;) :) A great chapter with lovely dialogue, Sandra - was wondering how long it would take Grant to grow a pair: I just hope Tania brought her spare pair for the sparring! :) ;) Thanx for sharing, my lady!;) Yvette
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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Oh, I do believe I know where this is going... but I'm a-gonna hold my tongue til next time!! ;) :) A great chapter with lovely dialogue, Sandra - was wondering how long it would take Grant to grow a pair: I just hope Tania brought her spare pair for the sparring! :) ;) Thanx for sharing, my lady!;) Yvette
Comment Written 05-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2020
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It will be interesting to know if you were right when you read the next chapter. You must tell me. Tania is stronger than she looks. Thank you so much for reading, my friend, and the lovely review. Have a lovely day! :)) Sandra xxx
