Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Winds of Change"A book of Poetry & Writing
251 total reviews
Comment from Colin Douglas
Excellent. A soul in love, unsure of how safe the journey will be. Good job in portraying feelings of someone afraid to be hurt. Perhaps she's been hurt too many times before. The questions circling inside her head are dizzying.
"Are you: my love, my life, my soul mate? Or do I dare to dream," I think I know why you used the colon, but you don't need it. It breaks up the sentence where it should not be broken. Also, daring to dream doesn't contradict the first part. Change it to "Or is that just a dream" or something that means the same thing.
Otherwise, this is quite good. Keep writing.
Colin
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2010
   |
Excellent. A soul in love, unsure of how safe the journey will be. Good job in portraying feelings of someone afraid to be hurt. Perhaps she's been hurt too many times before. The questions circling inside her head are dizzying.
"Are you: my love, my life, my soul mate? Or do I dare to dream," I think I know why you used the colon, but you don't need it. It breaks up the sentence where it should not be broken. Also, daring to dream doesn't contradict the first part. Change it to "Or is that just a dream" or something that means the same thing.
Otherwise, this is quite good. Keep writing.
Colin
Comment Written 26-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2010
-
Thank you my first year to write
Gary
