Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Betrayal Chapter 8"In the title.
41 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Delightful dialog--revenge is in the air--I'm eager for lunch! What exactly Is she going to get him to admit to on tape that will incriminate him and exculpate her?
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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Delightful dialog--revenge is in the air--I'm eager for lunch! What exactly Is she going to get him to admit to on tape that will incriminate him and exculpate her?
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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Tania broke up with Colin when she found out he'd sold her plans and called them his. He knows this. Tania wants him to apologise for doing it, and get it on tape without him knowing what she's up to. Will it work? We'll see. Thank you, Liz, for such a nice review. I'm so pleased you liked the dialog. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from JudyE
The close relationship between the two girls is shown well in their dialogue. This is a very interesting story. I'm looking forward to learning more about this 'Colin' character.
Just a few comments but feel free to ignore them:
'Well that's a nice greeting, I must say!' - comma needed after 'Well'
'What do you want, Colin. I'm busy right now.' - question mark needed after 'Colin' maybe? I'm not sure as it's more of a statement perhaps.
Monica had her thumbs up and was nodding. Tania chewed on her lip as a look of distaste face covered her face. - delete first use of 'face'
'Okay, that's your choice. I have to be in Salisbury tomorrow night and as it's a fair drive I thought it would be a good idea to eat before I go. - maybe commas after 'and' and 'drive'
The expression, famous last words, flashed through Monica's mind, and a cloud of unease hovered over her head. She looked so gloomy, Tania put her arm around her shoulder and pulled her in for a hug. - this does seem a little out of kilter with the 'thumbs up' that Monica gave earlier. Just sayin'
'Taking my digital recorder with me will hopefully catch him out. Once I have him discussing my plans all I'll have to do is, hand over the complete conversation to Mr Blake. - I'd place a comma after 'plans' and delete comma after 'is'
Tania smiled. Everyone with problems should have a Monica in their life, she was such a tonic. - I'd replace comma with a semi-colon.
I don't need to be at work early because I'm up together with my next project, in fact, I can have tomorrow off. - I'd put a period after 'project'
I can't wait to hear how you handled git-features. - I might have used 'handle' rather than 'handled'
It was hilarious, the two girls were falling about laughing. - period after 'hilarious'
'Well that worked fine,' Tania gasped, - comma after 'Well'
Her eyes clouded as her struggle to hide her apprehension slipped away. - maybe 'Her eyes clouded as she fought a losing battle to hide her apprehension.'
'Please be careful, Tania, I don't trust him.' - period after 'Tania'
Cheers
Judy
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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The close relationship between the two girls is shown well in their dialogue. This is a very interesting story. I'm looking forward to learning more about this 'Colin' character.
Just a few comments but feel free to ignore them:
'Well that's a nice greeting, I must say!' - comma needed after 'Well'
'What do you want, Colin. I'm busy right now.' - question mark needed after 'Colin' maybe? I'm not sure as it's more of a statement perhaps.
Monica had her thumbs up and was nodding. Tania chewed on her lip as a look of distaste face covered her face. - delete first use of 'face'
'Okay, that's your choice. I have to be in Salisbury tomorrow night and as it's a fair drive I thought it would be a good idea to eat before I go. - maybe commas after 'and' and 'drive'
The expression, famous last words, flashed through Monica's mind, and a cloud of unease hovered over her head. She looked so gloomy, Tania put her arm around her shoulder and pulled her in for a hug. - this does seem a little out of kilter with the 'thumbs up' that Monica gave earlier. Just sayin'
'Taking my digital recorder with me will hopefully catch him out. Once I have him discussing my plans all I'll have to do is, hand over the complete conversation to Mr Blake. - I'd place a comma after 'plans' and delete comma after 'is'
Tania smiled. Everyone with problems should have a Monica in their life, she was such a tonic. - I'd replace comma with a semi-colon.
I don't need to be at work early because I'm up together with my next project, in fact, I can have tomorrow off. - I'd put a period after 'project'
I can't wait to hear how you handled git-features. - I might have used 'handle' rather than 'handled'
It was hilarious, the two girls were falling about laughing. - period after 'hilarious'
'Well that worked fine,' Tania gasped, - comma after 'Well'
Her eyes clouded as her struggle to hide her apprehension slipped away. - maybe 'Her eyes clouded as she fought a losing battle to hide her apprehension.'
'Please be careful, Tania, I don't trust him.' - period after 'Tania'
Cheers
Judy
Comment Written 16-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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I wish I could nominate you again, but I've already given you the thumbs up once this month. You are so kind, thank you, Judy. I've made all the corrections and can't believe how I let this one go with so many errors! I must have had blinkers on. I'm really grateful, Judy, thank you so very much for this thorough review. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This is my first time reading this book and I have enjoyed it. I can't wait to see what happens when Tania meets up with Colin for lunch and how she records the conversation.
Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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This is my first time reading this book and I have enjoyed it. I can't wait to see what happens when Tania meets up with Colin for lunch and how she records the conversation.
Well done.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much, Lisa, for coming and reading my story. It's so encouraging that you want to read on. I'll look forward to reading your reviews. Tania has to keep her wits about her! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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I like fun stories and your book is fun. I will start from chapter 1 when I have some time.
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Aw, that is so nice of you, Lisa. I'd really like that. :)) xx
Comment from Hopeful2
I feel very inadequate trying to review/rate an author of your status. Your story did its primary job--got me involved and wanting to read more when the excerpt ended.
Responding to your request to point out anything I might have questions about, I did wonder (as in the lines below) if you use single quotation marks around free-standing statements; here in the USA I was taught to put double quotes around these and single marks around quotes within quotes.
Also, I got lost in the lines below--if this is Monica speaking, why would she be leaving after inviting Tania for a sleepover and then coming for a change of clothes? Maybe I'm misreading something.
'I'll nip home after breakfast, get a change of clothes, and seeing as you'll be eating with him, I'll eat before I come back. I've a couple of things to do, but that won't take me long. I can't wait to hear how you handled git-features.'
Bottom line still: your story created interest that I could have followed further. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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I feel very inadequate trying to review/rate an author of your status. Your story did its primary job--got me involved and wanting to read more when the excerpt ended.
Responding to your request to point out anything I might have questions about, I did wonder (as in the lines below) if you use single quotation marks around free-standing statements; here in the USA I was taught to put double quotes around these and single marks around quotes within quotes.
Also, I got lost in the lines below--if this is Monica speaking, why would she be leaving after inviting Tania for a sleepover and then coming for a change of clothes? Maybe I'm misreading something.
'I'll nip home after breakfast, get a change of clothes, and seeing as you'll be eating with him, I'll eat before I come back. I've a couple of things to do, but that won't take me long. I can't wait to hear how you handled git-features.'
Bottom line still: your story created interest that I could have followed further. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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Hello, first, thank you so much for reading this part, and for your review. I really appreciate you taking the time to go through it and question things. That is how I pick up a readers thoughts. I very much hope you'll continue to read my story. Now to answer your questions. :))
Monica will nip home after breakfast to get a change of clothes... breakfast is the next morning after her sleepover. I can see why you would question it. The way I've worded it does sound as if she is bringing a change of clothes back. It should read, 'I'll nip home after breakfast and get changed.... She'll come back later to find out how the meeting with Colin went.
In the UK, it's more common to use single quote marks. And if there's a quote within the quote, that's a double. We call those, nested quotes. In your country it's the other way round.
You will find there are many differences in spelling, too. That's why I always add this is written in UK English. Some words have different meanings, too. It's strange really when you think we all speak English. From what I've learnt, the US and Canada are the only English speaking countries that are different from the rest of us.
Thank you again for your kind review, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ben Colder
She is about nab him and the goods. LOve this.'A platypus up a tree?'LOL.
Good one Sandy. Perhaps things will turn out for something better. Bring on the next.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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She is about nab him and the goods. LOve this.'A platypus up a tree?'LOL.
Good one Sandy. Perhaps things will turn out for something better. Bring on the next.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much, Chuck, for those six stars, you are such a kind friend. I'm glad you liked my 'platypus up a tree' I thought it would lighten things up. LOL. Warm hugs, and love, my friend. Sandy. xxxx
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Cliches , my friend, an editor chief got ME one time about cliches. We both laughed knowing we do the same. LOL.
Comment from Jay Squires
The mystery and the intrigue begin. I agree that everyone should have a Monica in their life. Caring, accommodating and funny.
Only one thing I'd have you check out:
'Hearing his voice again, brought back the worrywarts, [Sandra, you are using "worrywarts" here like "goosebumps". Is that a shade of meaning in England? In the US worrywart only references a person who worries.]
Can't wait for next week's installment.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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The mystery and the intrigue begin. I agree that everyone should have a Monica in their life. Caring, accommodating and funny.
Only one thing I'd have you check out:
'Hearing his voice again, brought back the worrywarts, [Sandra, you are using "worrywarts" here like "goosebumps". Is that a shade of meaning in England? In the US worrywart only references a person who worries.]
Can't wait for next week's installment.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Hi, Jay, thank you so much for reading this part, I really appreciate your comments. :)) You're always so kind. Warm hugs, my friend.:)) Sandra xx
I found 'worrywart' in the Collins English Dictionary, but I've removed it now, leaving it just saying she'd be worried. Goosebumps is a strong emotions, which I would put with reading something sad, or seeing something amazing. Thank you for letting me know what you thought about it. I decided it would be best to take the word 'wart' right out.
Comment from juliaSjames
Hi Sandra
Another well written chapter. The two young women are having fun preparing to spy on Colin. I understand the half tipsy giggling after dinner. But perhaps there should be a slightly more sober tone the morning after as they're getting down to business. More forced nervous chuckles than outright hilarity. Don't think it can be that funny to record themselves. Maybe have Tania make a mistake first time so they have to redo the recording? I think that might be a good way of bringing them down to earth.
Looking forward to meeting the mysterious Colin.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Hi Sandra
Another well written chapter. The two young women are having fun preparing to spy on Colin. I understand the half tipsy giggling after dinner. But perhaps there should be a slightly more sober tone the morning after as they're getting down to business. More forced nervous chuckles than outright hilarity. Don't think it can be that funny to record themselves. Maybe have Tania make a mistake first time so they have to redo the recording? I think that might be a good way of bringing them down to earth.
Looking forward to meeting the mysterious Colin.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Julia. You've raised some excellent points, and I'll be making a few changes now. Thank you. I'm always so appreciative when I get reviews like yours. So, a big thank you, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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You're welcome Sandra. I can't help much with editing. But I learn through reviewing excellent work like yours
Comment from Pam (respa)
-An excellent chapter, Sandra,
that shows a close bond between
Monica and Tania.
-The dialogue is natural,
and they have enjoyed their wine.
-The conversation between
Colin and Tania is also very good.
-He tries to be chummy, like nothing
ever happened, and is also very convincing.
-Tania is leery at first, especially as
he 'inadvertently' throws out the
offer of lunch, but I like Tania's reasoning.
-The ending is very good, as
the women practice with the tape,
have a few laughs, and feel a little
bit better about things.
-I hope that Tania erases what is
on the tape before she sees Colin.
-I have this feeling that if she
doesn't, it will accidentally go
off in the restaurant-I hope
I am very wrong:)
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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-An excellent chapter, Sandra,
that shows a close bond between
Monica and Tania.
-The dialogue is natural,
and they have enjoyed their wine.
-The conversation between
Colin and Tania is also very good.
-He tries to be chummy, like nothing
ever happened, and is also very convincing.
-Tania is leery at first, especially as
he 'inadvertently' throws out the
offer of lunch, but I like Tania's reasoning.
-The ending is very good, as
the women practice with the tape,
have a few laughs, and feel a little
bit better about things.
-I hope that Tania erases what is
on the tape before she sees Colin.
-I have this feeling that if she
doesn't, it will accidentally go
off in the restaurant-I hope
I am very wrong:)
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you so very much for another amazing review, Pam, and all the stars! I really appreciate that you are enjoying this story. Your comments always give me a lift. Lots of things will be happening soon. Lets hope Tania sorts them out.
I like what you said about the recorder. Now that would be intersting. :)) Thanks again, my wonderful friend. Lots of love and warm hugs. :)) Sandra xx
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You are very welcome and deserving, Sandra. If I know Tania, she will sort them out, but it might take a while:) I thought the recorder idea was good, too. Hmm......
Comment from l.raven
Holy crap-o-la, Sandra...this guy is dangerous...
he is desperate to got her work done...she needs to
take Monica with her...you could read this guy like a book..
she should have told Grant what she was planning...don't think she should bring up what she thinks he did...
well done my amazing friend...
interested to see how your going to keep this one rolling...will it be a theft...or a romance...or maybe both...hmmmmmm....truly does hold a persons attention...
I am loving your story told sweet girl...sooooo very well written...just make sure Tania walks away from this meeting with all her fingers...bunches of love flying from over here...to over there...God Bless...Linda xxoo
say hi to Ian for me...xxoo
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Holy crap-o-la, Sandra...this guy is dangerous...
he is desperate to got her work done...she needs to
take Monica with her...you could read this guy like a book..
she should have told Grant what she was planning...don't think she should bring up what she thinks he did...
well done my amazing friend...
interested to see how your going to keep this one rolling...will it be a theft...or a romance...or maybe both...hmmmmmm....truly does hold a persons attention...
I am loving your story told sweet girl...sooooo very well written...just make sure Tania walks away from this meeting with all her fingers...bunches of love flying from over here...to over there...God Bless...Linda xxoo
say hi to Ian for me...xxoo
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Hi Linda, Yes, you're right, she should be careful, Colin is not a very nice man. But, she won't be swayed, and Monica knows it. All Tania wants is to clear her name. So, what happens next? I have to wait until she lets me know then I can tell you! Lol.
The story is going to change direction a little bit after the next part. Not in a way Tania will be liking. Stay tuned, my lovely friend.
Thank you so much for the six, my dear friend, and your fabulous review. I can't thank you enough for all your support. Sending you a humongous hug and loads of love back. :)) Sandra xxxx
Any more news on your health? xxx
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I can understand her clearing her name...but not with a knife in her back...is there any chance I could talk to Tania...let her know what's coming...
do you think she (I take it that is your muse) could let you know before the week is up???...
your so welcome you...smiling back at ya...love xxoo
Comment from aryr
Another amazing continuation chapter Sandra. Isn't it amazing that Colin calls just when Monica and Tania are discussing him and probably right after Grant calls him. I do suspect Monica does have a reason to mistrust him, he is a sneaky, untrustworthy chap. Great job and very much enjoyed. I loved the idea of the recorder. Hugs, smiles and blessings.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Another amazing continuation chapter Sandra. Isn't it amazing that Colin calls just when Monica and Tania are discussing him and probably right after Grant calls him. I do suspect Monica does have a reason to mistrust him, he is a sneaky, untrustworthy chap. Great job and very much enjoyed. I loved the idea of the recorder. Hugs, smiles and blessings.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Alie, so very much for your continued support and lovely review. I'm always smiling when I read your comments, they are always so nice. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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You are very welcome Sandra, I enjoy your writings, its as simple as that.
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You are very welcome Sandra, I enjoy your writings, its as simple as that.
