For Children
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Have You Seen My Mummy"Little stories for children in rhyme
58 total reviews
Comment from Julie Sandy
Lovely entry for the children's poem competition, more like a story, I liked the rhyme and the colourful pictures
Thank you for sharing and good luck
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Lovely entry for the children's poem competition, more like a story, I liked the rhyme and the colourful pictures
Thank you for sharing and good luck
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Julie! :) xx
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a delightful rhyming story that would delight any young child. Pictures add to the enjoyment. As a former early childhood teacher I would have been glad to read this poem to my classes. The story was captivating and had a surprise ending that a young child could understand. Think about turning this into a book. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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This is a delightful rhyming story that would delight any young child. Pictures add to the enjoyment. As a former early childhood teacher I would have been glad to read this poem to my classes. The story was captivating and had a surprise ending that a young child could understand. Think about turning this into a book. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Lorraine! I've had many reviewers ask me about turning it into a book, and decided to look into it. Thank you. :) xx
Comment from Iza Deleanu
You got my vote this is the best entry and its indeed children's poetry. I love the metamorphosed caterpillar into a wonderful butterfly. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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You got my vote this is the best entry and its indeed children's poetry. I love the metamorphosed caterpillar into a wonderful butterfly. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Iza, for the nice review and good luck wishes. (especially for your vote!) xxx
Comment from Ann Market
Aw, this poem is so cute and sweet! I particularly liked the final line when all the creatures say she's been past them!
Good luck to you in the contest!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Aw, this poem is so cute and sweet! I particularly liked the final line when all the creatures say she's been past them!
Good luck to you in the contest!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thank you so very much, Ann! xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
That's cute. I don't imagine a caterpillar would know his mom was a butterfly. I'm glad he finally figured things out. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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That's cute. I don't imagine a caterpillar would know his mom was a butterfly. I'm glad he finally figured things out. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much, Cindy! :) xx
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
This was really adorable. We need to talk. *smile*. Haha. I know you do not have to listen to anything I say, but this is SO CLOSE to being ready for publication.
Alllll of the story before *doze* is (like Mary Poppins) *practically perfect*. After that part it gets a little fuzzy because a.) you're trying too hard and b.) trying to pack too much in a rather small small space and c.) you toss out all the marvelous rhyming!!!! Silly silly.
Haha
IF you want to pursue this further please do so. But if you want help, please holler!! Thank you!
The first portion is delightful enough that I shall not lower the rating. Good luck!!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
This was really adorable. We need to talk. *smile*. Haha. I know you do not have to listen to anything I say, but this is SO CLOSE to being ready for publication.
Alllll of the story before *doze* is (like Mary Poppins) *practically perfect*. After that part it gets a little fuzzy because a.) you're trying too hard and b.) trying to pack too much in a rather small small space and c.) you toss out all the marvelous rhyming!!!! Silly silly.
Haha
IF you want to pursue this further please do so. But if you want help, please holler!! Thank you!
The first portion is delightful enough that I shall not lower the rating. Good luck!!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Yes, Robyn, I would love it if you would go over it with me once the contest is over. I want to get a book together with a few poems like this and would be very grateful for all the help I can get to make sure it's perfect. Thanks for such an nice review. :) xx
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Hey -- absolutely! Just holler when you're done and/or ready. hahaha Thanks!
Comment from lyenochka
Enjoyed how you inserted pictures and repeated the last lines throughout like many children's reader books. The word "chrysalis" might be tough for young readers but the repetition is great for building reading skills.
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Enjoyed how you inserted pictures and repeated the last lines throughout like many children's reader books. The word "chrysalis" might be tough for young readers but the repetition is great for building reading skills.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Helen. I did wonder about the word, 'chrysalis' I then thought that when I turn it into a book, with a few other little poems like this, at the end of each one I will chop the hard words up so they sound them out. (kris/a/lis) and explain what it means in a very easy childlike way. It's still in draft thoughts at the moment. Lol. Thanks for your thoughts on this, I really appreciated them. xx
Comment from equestrik
This is a really fun write with attractive little creatures throughout to make the presentation charming and fun. There is also a nice bit of science here to top it all off.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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This is a really fun write with attractive little creatures throughout to make the presentation charming and fun. There is also a nice bit of science here to top it all off.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thank you, equestrik! :)
Comment from Carol Clark2
It is cute how the caterpillar asks many animals about his mummy; this is a familiar theme in children's books. I'd like to see the line, "I can't find my mummy do you know where she might be?" as two sentences to be grammatically correct. One line is in future tense, when the rest is in past. I like the cute illustrations throughout.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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It is cute how the caterpillar asks many animals about his mummy; this is a familiar theme in children's books. I'd like to see the line, "I can't find my mummy do you know where she might be?" as two sentences to be grammatically correct. One line is in future tense, when the rest is in past. I like the cute illustrations throughout.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Carol. I did have that like as two sentences, then changed them. I've changed it back. Lol xx
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Glad to know the suggestion made sense. I like to see strong writing in children's lit, because kids learn so much as they read.
Comment from RetroStarfish
This poem and artwork could easily be published. This is so good.
The language and the story are perfect for children. The pacing, the rhythm and rhyming is just excellent.
Well done and I hope you win the contest and find a publisher.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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This poem and artwork could easily be published. This is so good.
The language and the story are perfect for children. The pacing, the rhythm and rhyming is just excellent.
Well done and I hope you win the contest and find a publisher.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for the six stars, RetroStarfish, and your lovely comments about my poem. :) xx
