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Betrayal

Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Betrayal Chapter 19"
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45 total reviews 
Comment from Chrissy710
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hi Sandra. whhhat how did Colin make Tania tell him the password you didnt write that part?
Then all of a sudden Grant has the plans so I suppose Tania just told him?
We want all juicy details ha ha
Hope your shingles are getting better
cheers Chris

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    HI Chris, did you miss a couple of parts? Part 10 was when he drugged and kidnapped Tania and then went to her flat while she was unconscious in his car, to get her laptop. While he was there he spotted the plans for Grant's new project, and took them, too. Now he wants all the others he knows she's drawn up and saved in her Word files on her laptop.
    Colin then told Grant he'd drawn them and brought them to his office in part 18. Now we're here where Lorna has the proof they are Tania's and has come up with the question he needs.
    I hope that rough synopsis explains it? Lol. I'm hopeless at writing those, lol. Stay tuned for the next part, lots of action coming up! Thank you so much for reading this part, my friend. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xx
reply by Chrissy710 on 01-Feb-2021
    oh Sandra Silly me tes I do remember reading that
    You keep us in suspense though ha ha I am enjoying this one next chapter please
    Cheers Chris and thanks for getting back to me much appreciated Cheers Chris
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    Lol, I'm exactly the same. I have to go back on some stories, I'm reading so many on here, I sometimes get a bit muddled. It's an agism thing for me! :))
Comment from aryr
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A great continuation chapter Sandra. This was so well done, just the right amount of mystery, suspense and adventure. For sure, Colin is so gullible, and with Lorna's question and Grant's presentation they have a great chance to rescue Tania. Great job, hugs, smiles and blessings. Glad to hear the darn shingles is getting better.

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    Thank you so much, Alie, for another of your fabulous reviews. I always look forward to them. Thanks about the shingles, too! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by aryr on 01-Feb-2021
    You are so welcome Sandra, glad you are getting better, hugs, smiles and blessings.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
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Sandra:

Shingles are awful. I had them when my daughter was in college.
I hope you get past them soon. This is a fantastic chapter. I
suspect things might not go as well as Grant hopes - most plans
do not. (BYW, why do we apologize for the longer pieces we write?
People gladly take our money when we promote 5-7-5 poems,
right?) Looking forward to the next chapter.

Rdfrdmom2

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    AW, you really are kind. Thank you so much for this lovely review. I always feel guilty when they get too long, but sometimes they need to be. I won't apologise again!! Lol. You are right about those short ones. :))
    I'm going to have the vaccination against shingles once they have completely cleared up. This is the second time, and if I'd known before that there was a jab, I'd have had it!
    Have a lovely day, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from JudyE
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I'm glad to hear the shingles are easing up at last. Some great writing here and well done keeping the suspense up.

A few thoughts and suggestions:
He stood up and walked around to the front of his desk, then leaning against it, he folded his arms across his chest. - comma needed after 'then'

The two men stared at the torn off corner. - I might have hyphenated 'torn off'

He shook his head and closed his eyes hoping to rid himself of the vision - comma after 'eyes'

It didn't take long before his chauffeur had dropped them off, and he and Jeff were sitting in the back seats of Reg's Range Rover.- I would delete 'seats'

The road had got a lot busier, and being the rush-hour it could have been the worst possible time. - commas after 'and' and 'rush-hour'

'Hang on. It's better I go. If he's coming along the road at the same time you are, he'll spot you. He won't see me in the shadows.'
Dressed in dark clothing, Jeff would be hard to spot. - delete hard return after 'shadows' but also consider 'Dressed dark as I am, he won't see me in the shadows.' or 'Dressed like this, he won't see me in the shadows.' or 'I'm all in black. He won't see me in the shadows.'

They all watched him walk to the end of the road - delete 'all'

They trailed Colin's car out of London and into Kent, careful to keep their distance behind. - delete 'behind' or maybe 'careful to keep some distance behind'

'Hold on, it looks like something's happening,' Carl told them. He tapped the glass just to make sure it hadn't gone wrong. - maybe 'just to make sure it was still working'. Period after 'Hold on'

'He's stopped. Get ready, I think we're there.' - period after 'ready'

Jeff moved like a panther, fast, and silent up to Colin's car. After looking through the car windows, he beckoned Grant over. - I might have expanded on the narrative a bit here. He wouldn't just suddenly peer through the car windows. Maybe something like 'He crouched by the rear door, then cautiously raised himself to peer through the window, before beckoning to Grant.'

'Empty,' he flicked his head towards the building, and whispered. - period after 'empty'

Please, please hurry with the next chapter. :))

Best wishes
Judy

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    Aw, thank you so much for taking all that time going over my work, Judy. I think I can nominate you again now we are in a new month. You really deserve to win it every month. I've spent the morning going through them, I can't thank you enough. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jay Squires
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You couldn't have chosen a better time to pan away form Tania and her injuries and to the team searching for Colin and Tania. I like it because it adds tension to the situation when we know how desperately Tania needs help! Good strategy.

Just a couple of minor things:

Jeff looked at the neat handgun he was holding. [I'm questioning the use of "neat" here. Does it have a specific British meaning?]

After loading gun ["The" or "His" before Gun?]

'We'll give him a few minute start. [ ... a few minutes start..."]

Well! This is racing toward a climax, Sandra. I can feel it coming on. A great chapter.


 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    Thank you for another nice review, Jay, I'm delighted you enjoyed this part. Neat - has a variety of meanings, but I'm using it here to mean - something that is impressive, great, amazing, compact. It's used as a slang word in other ways as well.

    I've made the other corrections, so thank you for those as well! Now to rescue Tania! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from lyenochka
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Another great post. Hooray for Lorna to come up with the perfect question! And I like how this architectural firm is becoming a special ops team. Who knows what rescue project they will have after they get Tania free?

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    Hi Helen, thank you for this lovely review. There is more to come after the rescue, :)). Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
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This is such an exciting story with twists and turns the further the plot. Being left with a cliffhanger, makes the reader yearn to read more. I can hardly wait for your next posting!

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    Thank you so much, Rebecca. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. Warm hugs :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
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This chapter reads well, Sandra. The question Lorna gave to Grant was great. I did not know how that was going to work. You wrote a lot of intrigue into this chapter. It was interesting about the tracker on the car was well-described. The information about the special team Grant hired was developed well, too. The part about the gun was done as well. That may be an important 'thing' in future chapters. I liked that this one focused on the plans etc, of the rescue and not so much on Tania or Colin. But their time is coming when she is rescued and he is hauled off to the psycho ward--if he lives that long.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    What a lovely review, Jan. Thank you so much. Every one is waiting for Colin to get a good thrashing! lol. Thank you for being so supportive, I really appreciate it. I hope you are feeling a bit better. You are always in my prayers. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Sally Law
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I'm sorry to give a five but I just gave my last six to chapter 17.

This was so great and suspenseful. I have some catching up to do but I have a new blimd assist tool that should help.

I've had shingles twenty times. Yep. The best cream for it has helped me tremendously. I also take herbal immune drops. Derma change shingles symptoms relief cream at dermachange.com Avoid stress as much as possible. I too, have returned to writing for pleasure. I'm totally done with stressing out here. That's not why I write. What a difference it's made. A review and shingles relief all in one. :))

Sending you my best today as always and blessings for your week,
Sally XOs....

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    Aw, Sally, your review is 6 stars, and I really appreciate it, thank you. :))

    20 times! OMG! I do not want to catch you up!! I'll take a look on Amazon for that Derma shingles cream. It is easing off a bit now, so I'm able to do a bit more without silently screaming. Lol. The trouble with shingles is, it causes more stress just by being there!

    It's so good that the blind have so many more tools to help them live a good life. In her last year, my late sister-in-law became blind and death, it was so cruel. She died at the age of 41, which was a blessing. That was over thirty years ago, and things have changed so much since then.

    Thank you, again. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

    Mastery won it! xx
Comment from royowen
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So they've hopefully laid a foolproof trap for Colin, Grant asked him a question about the drawings and has a tracker on his vehicle and has probably gone to Tania to sort out the answer, but it's exciting now, hopefully they've got the nasty. Well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2021


reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
    Colin is in for a surprise! lol. Thank you so much, Roy, for this lovely review and all your support. I really appreciate you, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
reply by royowen on 01-Feb-2021
    He deserves a surprise Sandra