The Inn at Blackpool
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Fathers Four"These are free-verse poems.
33 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
The Scholar by Robert Southey.
My hopes are with the Dead; anon
My place with them will be,
And I with them shall travel on
Through all Futurity;
Yet leaving here a name, I trust,
That will not perish in the dust.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2022
  |
The Scholar by Robert Southey.
My hopes are with the Dead; anon
My place with them will be,
And I with them shall travel on
Through all Futurity;
Yet leaving here a name, I trust,
That will not perish in the dust.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2022
-
What a beautiful sentiment...we have tried to honor those lost in our Vietnam units from the long ago with gatherings here and there...very few of us left....Godspeed to you and yours....Stu Harrell
-
thank you
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
I love the creativity of this. For, it leaves mystic of "Who is Cindy", but the picture is painted so vividly, that it becomes clear. And that makes this a hot write. Keep Writing
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2022
|
I love the creativity of this. For, it leaves mystic of "Who is Cindy", but the picture is painted so vividly, that it becomes clear. And that makes this a hot write. Keep Writing
Comment Written 26-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2022
-
Thanks so much....these are fun to glue together...I must confess...I thought free verse was just sort of loosey, goosey...so probably need to study formats better...Godspeed to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
Comment from royowen
I found out something that I never knew before about the battle of Waterloo, the British probably may not have won, if they hadn't had the Dutch, Hanoverians, Russians on their side. Beautifully written my friend, an excellent post, great rhymes, articulate presentation, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2022
|
I found out something that I never knew before about the battle of Waterloo, the British probably may not have won, if they hadn't had the Dutch, Hanoverians, Russians on their side. Beautifully written my friend, an excellent post, great rhymes, articulate presentation, blessings Roy
Comment Written 26-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2022
-
Yo Brother...you are right...by mid-afternoon....some thought Wellington had lost the battle...then the Cavalry came....Godspeed to you and yours...Stu Harrell
-
Very lucky
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This contest entry flows musically. I really enjoyed reading. I think this is the first poem of yours I've read. I will have to become a fan, so I don't miss any more. I doubt you will need it, but good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2022
|
This contest entry flows musically. I really enjoyed reading. I think this is the first poem of yours I've read. I will have to become a fan, so I don't miss any more. I doubt you will need it, but good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2022
-
Thanks so very much....I gave this a sort of drinking song tone...not sure if it meets he rules.....God Bless Texas and Best to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
Comment from bob cullen
What a rattling good yarn. It flowed with the most marvelous rhythm. And I can hear the Irish troops standing around the fire and drinking deep into the night. It would have been one great celebration.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2022
|
What a rattling good yarn. It flowed with the most marvelous rhythm. And I can hear the Irish troops standing around the fire and drinking deep into the night. It would have been one great celebration.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2022
-
Thanks so much..it has a bit of a drinking song texture....not always sure of the rules....but we will push on....Godspeed to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your words flow smoothly with good word choices and great imagery. I like the repeated lines about Cindy. Your words paint a picture of fighting in a battle and the camaraderie of the men in the unit. The survivors seem to be celebrating, but with one mission still to be accomplished.
For free verse, if I may, you have a set rhyme scheme which isn't allowed. You could use the same words, possibly combine some lines etc. so the rhyming words don't end the lines It's ok to have a few scattered rhymes but not an identifiable pattern such as here. You need to break up the pattern--not all verses need to have the same number of lines, and the rhymes have to go. ] I know you work, your choice.
For example ~
So light the fires dear Cindy
We be comin' home to you [ please ]
Light the fires dear Cindy
Our fightin' days are through [done not through]
We made a stand in a foreign land [ land, and ]
And were to our colors true
So light the fires dear Cindy [ Oh, dear Cindy ]
We be comin' home to you [ delete to you ]
Best wishes in the contest (if you revise a bit)
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2022
|
Your words flow smoothly with good word choices and great imagery. I like the repeated lines about Cindy. Your words paint a picture of fighting in a battle and the camaraderie of the men in the unit. The survivors seem to be celebrating, but with one mission still to be accomplished.
For free verse, if I may, you have a set rhyme scheme which isn't allowed. You could use the same words, possibly combine some lines etc. so the rhyming words don't end the lines It's ok to have a few scattered rhymes but not an identifiable pattern such as here. You need to break up the pattern--not all verses need to have the same number of lines, and the rhymes have to go. ] I know you work, your choice.
For example ~
So light the fires dear Cindy
We be comin' home to you [ please ]
Light the fires dear Cindy
Our fightin' days are through [done not through]
We made a stand in a foreign land [ land, and ]
And were to our colors true
So light the fires dear Cindy [ Oh, dear Cindy ]
We be comin' home to you [ delete to you ]
Best wishes in the contest (if you revise a bit)
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2022
-
Thanks so much....you are right...this is a little sloppy...I am not sure that I completely understand free verse...I read definitions....samples, etc....then bash something together...and launch it..this has a sort of singsong texture...like a drinking tune...but thanks for your guidance....I'll do better....God bless Texas...I am an old SMU boy....Best Wishes to you and yours....Stu Harrell
-
easy fix on the one you have going now
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Author,
I like your unique battle poem.
It sounds like a ballad, with an Irish lilt.
I also like the name you use for one of your protagonists. Lol
Best wishes and good luck with all your writing.
Exceptional,
Cindy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
|
Author,
I like your unique battle poem.
It sounds like a ballad, with an Irish lilt.
I also like the name you use for one of your protagonists. Lol
Best wishes and good luck with all your writing.
Exceptional,
Cindy
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
-
Thanks so much...you are right...it has a little bounce like a drinking song...repeated verses etc......Thanks you for your military service...I was very fortunate in Vietnam to be surrounded by brave men...thus, dating myself...HAHA....Godspeed to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
-
God bless you, Stewart, for fighting in Vietnam. I pal?d around with some Viet nam vets years ago (now I?m dating). and admired their bravery.
Thank you for the thanks at my service, but it doesn?t feel the same because I sat behind a desk.
Best wishes.
Cindy
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You captured the essence of the battle and the hope for victory so that soldiers can return home to their loved ones. I enjoyed your story here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
|
You captured the essence of the battle and the hope for victory so that soldiers can return home to their loved ones. I enjoyed your story here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 25-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
-
Thanks so much....You are still my hero....someday I will be as elegant as you...but not anytime soon HAHA......This has a sort of drinking song texture....actually got help from a keyboard......Godspeed to you and yours.....Stu Harrell
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
I enjoyed reading your free verse. I think it is clever and creative. I like the repeated phrases, they created a nice tempo. Your writing is descriptive and full of imagery. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
|
I enjoyed reading your free verse. I think it is clever and creative. I like the repeated phrases, they created a nice tempo. Your writing is descriptive and full of imagery. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
-
Thanks very much....you are right ...this has a sort of drinking song tone with the repeated phrases...a sort of "chorous"....All the best to you....Stu Harrell
Comment from Aubree Lorraine
It's a cute poem. I like the cadence and the rhyme scheme. It's well written and looks technically correct. Good luck in the contest and best wishes to you!
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
|
It's a cute poem. I like the cadence and the rhyme scheme. It's well written and looks technically correct. Good luck in the contest and best wishes to you!
Comment Written 24-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2022
-
Thanks so very much.....these are a little slapdash but fun to glue together....Godspeed to you and yours....Stu Harrell
