When I Die
How to remember me when I die.26 total reviews
Comment from PoemsOfDD
This is a reflective poem. One that reminds and encourages the reader to breath in the day deeply and think about the beautiful and positive moments in life. To enjoy and embrace the simple things in life - sunsets, the colour of a rose, the smell of coffee - the list is too long. Life is good. Thank you for allowing me to contemplate appreciating contentedness and happiness before my end.
There are a few lines I liked that stuck out:
"I completed my assignment."
We are all assigned life. If there were to be any homework, it would be to love and live with kindness to self and others.
"Tug of war between my struggles and victory."
This line is relevant to all, I would say. One's time on earth isn't supposed to be a walk in the park. And if it were, the struggles would be avoiding dog poo. That really gets me annoyed about pet owners when out walking their dog. But the victory is nature all around... and clean sneakers!
"My tormented soul can finally lay to rest."
Sometimes when I go to bed at night, it can feel that the soul is tormented. I personally decided to rectify the restless mind, instead of it ruling me, by taking up vedic meditation. I sleep much better and have more creative thoughts.
small edit in this line:
When I die, I will (no) longer be in a horrific position.
"In life I know I wasn't the best."
No one is supposed to be the best - over all - in life. Only God is.
Thank you for sharing this interesting poem.
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This is a reflective poem. One that reminds and encourages the reader to breath in the day deeply and think about the beautiful and positive moments in life. To enjoy and embrace the simple things in life - sunsets, the colour of a rose, the smell of coffee - the list is too long. Life is good. Thank you for allowing me to contemplate appreciating contentedness and happiness before my end.
There are a few lines I liked that stuck out:
"I completed my assignment."
We are all assigned life. If there were to be any homework, it would be to love and live with kindness to self and others.
"Tug of war between my struggles and victory."
This line is relevant to all, I would say. One's time on earth isn't supposed to be a walk in the park. And if it were, the struggles would be avoiding dog poo. That really gets me annoyed about pet owners when out walking their dog. But the victory is nature all around... and clean sneakers!
"My tormented soul can finally lay to rest."
Sometimes when I go to bed at night, it can feel that the soul is tormented. I personally decided to rectify the restless mind, instead of it ruling me, by taking up vedic meditation. I sleep much better and have more creative thoughts.
small edit in this line:
When I die, I will (no) longer be in a horrific position.
"In life I know I wasn't the best."
No one is supposed to be the best - over all - in life. Only God is.
Thank you for sharing this interesting poem.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2023
Comment from Sarah Das Gupta
Generally this sounds rather gloomy! I'm sure it is self-deprecating! As you say, poetry is a type of immortality and it long outlives the writer. Shakespeare puts this well in the sonnets and he was proved right!
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Generally this sounds rather gloomy! I'm sure it is self-deprecating! As you say, poetry is a type of immortality and it long outlives the writer. Shakespeare puts this well in the sonnets and he was proved right!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2023
Comment from Paul McFarland
Believe it or not, this poem makes me feel better about you. There are a few lines that that I can identify with. In the third line from he end, did you leave out the word "no"?
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Believe it or not, this poem makes me feel better about you. There are a few lines that that I can identify with. In the third line from he end, did you leave out the word "no"?
Comment Written 27-Feb-2023
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice work. Keep it up.
Cremation is my request, my money won't go to those government bastards. - I don't understand this line. Does the gov't get the money spent on embalming or the money spent on caskets, or spent renting a funeral home? In the U.S. those are all private businesses.
'but I'm tired of being patience!' - (patient)
'If you hear my poems on the radio' - This line followed 'I'm calling on you God'. Made me think God was the one listening on the radio.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
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Nice work. Keep it up.
Cremation is my request, my money won't go to those government bastards. - I don't understand this line. Does the gov't get the money spent on embalming or the money spent on caskets, or spent renting a funeral home? In the U.S. those are all private businesses.
'but I'm tired of being patience!' - (patient)
'If you hear my poems on the radio' - This line followed 'I'm calling on you God'. Made me think God was the one listening on the radio.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
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The government is involved and controls private businesses as well. Its so expensive especially for the less fortunate and those without I strange policies to bury their loves one. I don't want anyone crying over a dead body thay doesn't exist. I'm no longer there. Cremation is affordable and dust to body shall return anyways. Thanks fortaking time out your day to read my poem.
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, When I Die, allows that thwere was a fight from start to finish and, win or lose, they will know you fought. Life can be a miserable experience, but eternity is much longer.
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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
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This poem, When I Die, allows that thwere was a fight from start to finish and, win or lose, they will know you fought. Life can be a miserable experience, but eternity is much longer.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
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As long as you fought the good fight. That's all that matters. Thanks for your review.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a strong and powerful rap Charity and I heard your distress and unhappiness at how life has treated you and how you have overcome some of the challenges and still you feel you did not win. I find your words very sad and I would like to hear a rap about the challenges you faced and how you won and rose like a phoenix to conquer the world and took charge! Perhaps you could write something like this? You have it in you.
Nevertheless I enjoyed your rap here and would love to hear you sing it for real.
I have just a couple of edits for you on the spelling and grammar:
(When I die, remember all the lives that (were) blessed).
(I'm calling on you God but I'm tired of being (patient)! )
I enjoyed your post Charity.
Love Dolly x
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reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
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This is a strong and powerful rap Charity and I heard your distress and unhappiness at how life has treated you and how you have overcome some of the challenges and still you feel you did not win. I find your words very sad and I would like to hear a rap about the challenges you faced and how you won and rose like a phoenix to conquer the world and took charge! Perhaps you could write something like this? You have it in you.
Nevertheless I enjoyed your rap here and would love to hear you sing it for real.
I have just a couple of edits for you on the spelling and grammar:
(When I die, remember all the lives that (were) blessed).
(I'm calling on you God but I'm tired of being (patient)! )
I enjoyed your post Charity.
Love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2023
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Yes I wrote this poem in 15 mins. Thanks for the grammar check. Mixture of positive amd negative I'm this poem but try to cling to the positive. I would sing it for you. Do you have Skype or zoom? I appreicate you always reviewing poems.
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I do have skype, have you uploaded a video to youtube and I will watch it x x x
