Alone
Where are you now??25 total reviews
Comment from Aaron Milavec
I'm left with a haunting feeling of abandonment. There might be some progression in the lament. The last line suggests this.
The pic annoyed me at first. The colors clash. But then, after reading it twice, the pic tells the same story--torn apart with unanswered reasons.
Peace and joy in writing,
Aaron
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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I'm left with a haunting feeling of abandonment. There might be some progression in the lament. The last line suggests this.
The pic annoyed me at first. The colors clash. But then, after reading it twice, the pic tells the same story--torn apart with unanswered reasons.
Peace and joy in writing,
Aaron
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Thanks Aaron!
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Navada
I understand the main theme here and I'm sure many readers will be able to relate to it as I can. Just a thought - have you considered restructuring your line lengths? It might make the work a little more visually attractive and also help your rhymes to stand out. Just a thought. :) Thanks for the share and good luck for the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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I understand the main theme here and I'm sure many readers will be able to relate to it as I can. Just a thought - have you considered restructuring your line lengths? It might make the work a little more visually attractive and also help your rhymes to stand out. Just a thought. :) Thanks for the share and good luck for the contest.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the excellent review and the feedback. I hadn't. I will look at doing that!
Comment from Douglas Goff
This is almost like a good-bye letter. We've all been there. It gets better.
Suggestion:
You said you'd always be around. I sit and wait for a text, a call. It's almost a joke how much you've just have drowned me out.
(I would drop the word 'have')
Good luck!
D
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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This is almost like a good-bye letter. We've all been there. It gets better.
Suggestion:
You said you'd always be around. I sit and wait for a text, a call. It's almost a joke how much you've just have drowned me out.
(I would drop the word 'have')
Good luck!
D
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Thanks D!
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a heartbreaking poem of broken promises and great loss. You did an excellent job of conveying the mood and anguish of, not just being alone, but being abandoned.
Thank you for sharing. Julie
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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This is a heartbreaking poem of broken promises and great loss. You did an excellent job of conveying the mood and anguish of, not just being alone, but being abandoned.
Thank you for sharing. Julie
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Thank you Julie!
Comment from royowen
I'm so sorry about your apparent betrayal, these things appear to be happening more these days, philosophies have switch from giving grace to being rights and self, this a good write, good luck, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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I'm so sorry about your apparent betrayal, these things appear to be happening more these days, philosophies have switch from giving grace to being rights and self, this a good write, good luck, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2024
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Thank you Roy!
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Most welcome
