Chainsaw Carpenter
I've never been very handy, but that changed23 total reviews
Comment from CornishChick
Under your profile picture you wrote, "I'm here to learn..." I'll take your word for it and offer the following suggestions:
1. You seem to have 2 stories going on here. The first is the very real angst with your father-son relationship. There are so many men out there who would relate to that. In my case, my mother expected me to "know" things she'd never taught, so I got it.
2. For more punch, show don't tell. This means writing active, not passive. Get the reader into your story. Show the futility you felt trying to navigate an erector set - and yes, I'm old enough to remember when that was a hot item.
3. Don't be afraid to explore the complex relationship with your father. Your opening hook of carpenter vs. contractor is brilliant. Start the story with humor like that. Humor is a powerful tool to deliver hard facts.
4. The move to Alaska had me confused. What was the "farm" and why were you there? Develop that a little.
5. Rather than explaining your chores there, show the audience. Show the cold, the hard labor, etc.
6. Was Uncle Bill a relative that was a friend or a friend that you liked to call Uncle Bill?
7. The story didn't seem to have a conclusion. Sometimes, the most powerful conclusion is to revisit the hook.
I hope these tips help and you keep writing.
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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Under your profile picture you wrote, "I'm here to learn..." I'll take your word for it and offer the following suggestions:
1. You seem to have 2 stories going on here. The first is the very real angst with your father-son relationship. There are so many men out there who would relate to that. In my case, my mother expected me to "know" things she'd never taught, so I got it.
2. For more punch, show don't tell. This means writing active, not passive. Get the reader into your story. Show the futility you felt trying to navigate an erector set - and yes, I'm old enough to remember when that was a hot item.
3. Don't be afraid to explore the complex relationship with your father. Your opening hook of carpenter vs. contractor is brilliant. Start the story with humor like that. Humor is a powerful tool to deliver hard facts.
4. The move to Alaska had me confused. What was the "farm" and why were you there? Develop that a little.
5. Rather than explaining your chores there, show the audience. Show the cold, the hard labor, etc.
6. Was Uncle Bill a relative that was a friend or a friend that you liked to call Uncle Bill?
7. The story didn't seem to have a conclusion. Sometimes, the most powerful conclusion is to revisit the hook.
I hope these tips help and you keep writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Hello CC,
thanks so much for taking the time to offer these thoughtful suggestions. I think all that you suggested was valid and helpful. I know I'm not supposed to defend my writing, but I did want to point out that I would have had to have written a much longer piece in order to incorporate all that you had mentioned, and many people don't want to read a long drawn out post. Most of us are reviewing a number of articles, and in order to get to most of them to review, we can only spend so much time on each one. Nonetheless, as I said, your points are valid, and I do appreciate your offering them.
Though it probably is a moot point, I will answer a few of your questions. The farm was a Christian community located at Game Creek, about four miles outside of the Tlingit native community of Hoonah, in Southeast Alaska. Southeast is in the panhandle of Alaska, and the entire Tongass National Forest is located there.
It's a beautiful place, with lots of mountains that descend right down to the beach and many salt water fjiords. Except where it has been logged, old growth forests of spruce and hemlock trees grow from the beach to just beneath the crowns of the mountains. Most of Southeast is made up of large islands with multiple towns on most of them. On Chichagof Island, where the farm was, there is about two Coastal Brown Bears per square mile. They are the same as Grizzlies, but because they don't inhabit the interior, they are called Brown Bears.
There is also an abundance of Sitka Blacktail deer, and the waters of Icy Strait and Port Frederick, where Hoonah is located, have seals, sealions, Humpback whales and salmon as well as halibut and other salt water fishes.
We moved to the farm because we got involved with an organization called the Move or the Move of God. The founders believed that the world was coming to an end and God was providing a safe place for His people. We lived there for ten years, even though it was a miserable place to be for most of the time I spent there. I won't go in to that here.
When I was in the navy from 1972-76, I was transferred from Key West to Charleston S C. We moved next door to a lady who was an elder in the Move, and rented from another elder. Our neighbor's name was Sally, and her husband was Bill. Sally thought that it was disrespectful for the kids to call adults by their first name, so she wanted them to call me Uncle Tom, and my wife was Aunt Jan. The Charleston body of the Move just referred to each other that way.
I wrote a book about my time there. It's titled Wilderness Blues, A Tale of Outhouses, Rutabagas and Other Unsavory Subjects.
Prior to my writing it, I was still angry about the time I spent on the farm. The more I wrote, the better I felt, so it was probably good for me to do.
This story didn't take the turn I had intended originally. I was going to tie my incompetence with the Erector set to my inability to fold fitted sheets, but now I'll have to do a different post.
I hope I haven't bored you with this lengthy explanation. I probably told you more than you wanted to know. In any event, thank you again for the thorough review and the helpful comments.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
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Wow! Thank you for taking the time to write! You have tons of writing material! I have moved south - Savannah - and most kids (used to) say "Miss" or "Mister" with the 1st name as a show of respect. Key West to AK is a bit of a shock, I would imagine! I have a friend who lived 10 years on a Christian commune farm, I think here in GA. It had a very adverse effect on his 3 children. I have a brother who lives north of Seattle and he has taken several AK cruises. Loves the land. I always wanted to go, but my bones "don't cotton to" the cold any longer. Rather be in the humid south where there's HEAT!! For years, I was active on faithwriters.com. They have a weekly challenge that can run only 750 words. It taught me how to be concise and say a lot with few words! I like Fanstory because there seems to be more opportunities, although a lot of is it poetry, and poet I am not! God bless! Are you and Jan still in AK or have you migrated to the lower 48? I had a cousin who lived in AK about 30 or more years. She just moved to AL. That would be a huge switch as well!! Ok, I think I have rambled long enough. Thanks for writing!
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Hi CC,
we're still in Alaska. We lived at the farm for ten years, and then moved in to Hoonah. I commercial fished for 45 years, mainly part time because I needed a steady income all year long while the kids were at home. We left Hoonah in 2000 and moved north to Wasilla. I didn't really want to go north, I don't like snow and cold weather. We went to Idaho three times looking for a place to move to, but it was just too dry. I like the Pacific Northwest, but I'm way too conservative to live there; the politics and the taxes would drive me nuts.
I wonder if the commune your friend lived at was the Bowen's Mill farm in Georgia? Several people who used to live at Game Creek ended up down there.
I loved being in Charleston when I lived there, but there was a lot of crime, and I hated the fire ants and snakes, neither of which are here. Brown bears and moose, but no snakes.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Tom!
I so enjoyed reading your post! You surely have amassed some incredible experiences.
I smiled at the mention of your dad being a contractor. My father owned a sheet metal and roofing corporation. Worked for him one summer. Goodness! What an experience! I was forever climbing onto a roof with ease, but to descend was something else! Those were the days of wooden ladders = splinters galore because I was so fearful. Dad had to guide me down Alden Dow's roof... (Yes, THE Alden Dow) and, in a fit of rare frustration with me, told me that "You are as useless as one of my goddam roofers, Diner!" :)
The next summer, and the four following summers, I worked as a teller in a local bank...
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Hello, Tom!
I so enjoyed reading your post! You surely have amassed some incredible experiences.
I smiled at the mention of your dad being a contractor. My father owned a sheet metal and roofing corporation. Worked for him one summer. Goodness! What an experience! I was forever climbing onto a roof with ease, but to descend was something else! Those were the days of wooden ladders = splinters galore because I was so fearful. Dad had to guide me down Alden Dow's roof... (Yes, THE Alden Dow) and, in a fit of rare frustration with me, told me that "You are as useless as one of my goddam roofers, Diner!" :)
The next summer, and the four following summers, I worked as a teller in a local bank...
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Hello Diane,
I'm laughing at your review gal, thanks so much for letting me know about your time with your dad. Aside from -hell's bells, I sometimes think Dad's favorite expression was goddamn it Tom! I think I heard it a lot. Not without good reason though.
I'm afraid that I'm not familiar with Alden Dow. I assume it may be a name related to finance, like the Dow Jones Industrial?
You had a lot of guts going up on a roof gal. When I was young I used to jump off garage roofs. Now I have to force my shaky legs up a ladder to clean the gutters. Oh for the recklessness of youth again! Have a blessed day gal.
Tom
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Another great story about your life, this time, focusing on carpentry skills, something that sadly wasn't passed on by osmosis from your father but later came into fruition when you were older and the incentive to learn was much stronger. I think this is often the case that, as children, we tend to take the easy option, much to our parents' disappointment. It needs the encouragement and motivation when we're older, not to mention the additional 'treats' of a smoke or two. Your fine tribute to the chainsaw is unsurprising given all you achieved. Thanks for sharing, Tom. Take care Debbie
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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Another great story about your life, this time, focusing on carpentry skills, something that sadly wasn't passed on by osmosis from your father but later came into fruition when you were older and the incentive to learn was much stronger. I think this is often the case that, as children, we tend to take the easy option, much to our parents' disappointment. It needs the encouragement and motivation when we're older, not to mention the additional 'treats' of a smoke or two. Your fine tribute to the chainsaw is unsurprising given all you achieved. Thanks for sharing, Tom. Take care Debbie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Hello Debbie,
thanks so much for the delightful review gal. I never thought that I had achieved very much. I learned a lot from my time on the farm and because of owning fishing boats, but never considered myself successful in any particular area of my life. I worked for seven years as a special education aide at the local school, and every day I was there I felt like nothing much more than a glorified baby sitter.
I knew early on that I wasn't going to attend college. By the time I got out of the navy and could attend, if I had desired to, I already had two children, and we were making plans to move to Alaska.
Isn't it strange the twists and turns life takes, leaving us with choices that we would never have thought possible?
Have a blessed day gal.
Tom
