Travesty
when times get slow for a cowboy30 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You do the Westerns proud, my friend. I cannot write a Western to save my life, I just posted for a contest. I need to go vote. Who wants to read a western about the hero sliding down the street whirling his arms about like a whirlygig after stepping in a big pile of cow poo? Not too Westerny is it?
Karen
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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You do the Westerns proud, my friend. I cannot write a Western to save my life, I just posted for a contest. I need to go vote. Who wants to read a western about the hero sliding down the street whirling his arms about like a whirlygig after stepping in a big pile of cow poo? Not too Westerny is it?
Karen
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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I am so sorry it took me so long to respond. Things have been a bit hectic. I always appreciate your words and perhaps I can use the idea in a contest in the future.
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I am so sorry it took me so long to respond. Things have been a bit hectic. I always appreciate your words and perhaps I can use the idea in a contest in the future.
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I got two of these. The rain has held me back, n now the weather is lots better. Love to yo and yours. karen
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Love to you also!
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:-)
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Enjoy many Blessings!
Comment from Julie Helms
A great entry, Jim! I used your words, too, so we have shown that the same words can create 3 totally different stories, actually in 3 different genres (4 if you count the original source). Thanks so much for participating. It was a lot of fun!
Julie
:-)
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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A great entry, Jim! I used your words, too, so we have shown that the same words can create 3 totally different stories, actually in 3 different genres (4 if you count the original source). Thanks so much for participating. It was a lot of fun!
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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It was such a fun challenge!
Comment from patcelaw
This is very well written for the contest and I wish you the very best of the contest. It moves along at a nice steady pace when it is read aloud it is very interesting. I wish you the very best for the week. May you have a wonderful week. Patricia .
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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This is very well written for the contest and I wish you the very best of the contest. It moves along at a nice steady pace when it is read aloud it is very interesting. I wish you the very best for the week. May you have a wonderful week. Patricia .
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you! It was quite a challenge!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Count on my vote!
His contorted corpse indicted - (indicated?)
I felt a spectral hand supporting my arm... - Thank God for the spectral assist. Great imagery. Wish I'd used spectral in 'One man's Calling'!
Good luck.
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Count on my vote!
His contorted corpse indicted - (indicated?)
I felt a spectral hand supporting my arm... - Thank God for the spectral assist. Great imagery. Wish I'd used spectral in 'One man's Calling'!
Good luck.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
Comment from royowen
Poor old sherif of travesty, or at least our hero who had been looking for action, got it it on spades, from the time his deputy had turned up hanged by his ace nemesis Tanteria, and then to add insult to injury Killed his girlfriend and then shot and stabbed him, to be saved by the spectral Moira, alls well that ends well, and now travesty has been turned into the town of Boot Hill. Beautifully written Jim, blessings Roy
Typo : his contorted corpse (indicted) indicated?
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Poor old sherif of travesty, or at least our hero who had been looking for action, got it it on spades, from the time his deputy had turned up hanged by his ace nemesis Tanteria, and then to add insult to injury Killed his girlfriend and then shot and stabbed him, to be saved by the spectral Moira, alls well that ends well, and now travesty has been turned into the town of Boot Hill. Beautifully written Jim, blessings Roy
Typo : his contorted corpse (indicted) indicated?
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you! I was limited in my use of language because the story was driven by the words, but I wish I had interjected a more spiritual element into it.
Comment from Sanku
Oh! God the wish for action was answered with vengeance ,in such a way that he won't wish for action .again. You seem to enjoy writing about cowboys and their action filled lives...
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Oh! God the wish for action was answered with vengeance ,in such a way that he won't wish for action .again. You seem to enjoy writing about cowboys and their action filled lives...
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Yes, I'm as cowboy at heart. Thasnk you so much for your kind words!
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
This is an entry for a Roundabout contest. Very interesting story. Kept me intrigued throughout. Imaginative writing. Thank you for sharing this story
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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This is an entry for a Roundabout contest. Very interesting story. Kept me intrigued throughout. Imaginative writing. Thank you for sharing this story
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Thank you. Due to the contest rules, I was driven by the words involved.
Comment from karenina
Jim! This is so good! I've read it through several times, now--and so appreciate your plot development and the way you pull the reader in!
Your final line landed perfectly!
Karenina
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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Jim! This is so good! I've read it through several times, now--and so appreciate your plot development and the way you pull the reader in!
Your final line landed perfectly!
Karenina
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2024
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I appreciate your very kind words! Thank you so much!
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You're welcome so much!
:)
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I hope not to disappoint you in the future!
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Your words are always welcome! I haven't forgotten, by the way, of my meager novel's Karenina, but I've had so much on my mind lately, I haven't written the whole thing yet. I'll try dsoon.
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Don't worry about a thing!
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Thanks for understanding!
Comment from Michele Harber
This is a sad but beautifully written story, and perfect proof of the adage "Be careful what you wish for." Your adjectives ("sun-baked"), similes ("like cakes in a skillet") and metaphors ("pouring faster than the spigots at the Long Branch") are very descriptive, and on the mark.
The emotions expressed, from boredom to pain to contrition, are very genuine and relatable. This is a perfect story for the western genre, and makes excellent use of the words you chose from the biblical passage. I also like the wordplay of "Travesty" for "Traverstown."
I do have a few proofing corrections to make your excellent story even better:
- "His contorted corpse indicted" should read "... indicated."
- Is there a reason you capitalized "Tamer" in "... town Tamer in Silverton?"
- You said, "... spectral figure seemed to form into the face of Moira" rather than "Mara."
- There are a couple of places where, grammatically, "was" should be "were," either due to use of plural or of subjunctive, but I'm guessing that's done deliberately to suit the western dialect you've subtly established.
I hope these suggestions are helpful.
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This is a sad but beautifully written story, and perfect proof of the adage "Be careful what you wish for." Your adjectives ("sun-baked"), similes ("like cakes in a skillet") and metaphors ("pouring faster than the spigots at the Long Branch") are very descriptive, and on the mark.
The emotions expressed, from boredom to pain to contrition, are very genuine and relatable. This is a perfect story for the western genre, and makes excellent use of the words you chose from the biblical passage. I also like the wordplay of "Travesty" for "Traverstown."
I do have a few proofing corrections to make your excellent story even better:
- "His contorted corpse indicted" should read "... indicated."
- Is there a reason you capitalized "Tamer" in "... town Tamer in Silverton?"
- You said, "... spectral figure seemed to form into the face of Moira" rather than "Mara."
- There are a couple of places where, grammatically, "was" should be "were," either due to use of plural or of subjunctive, but I'm guessing that's done deliberately to suit the western dialect you've subtly established.
I hope these suggestions are helpful.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A poignant story and be careful what you wish for in a sleepy town as human behaviour is unpredictable and tragedy can happen anywhere on earth! Loved the cowboy language here and your story is entertaining here Jim, a fun read, love Dolly x
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A poignant story and be careful what you wish for in a sleepy town as human behaviour is unpredictable and tragedy can happen anywhere on earth! Loved the cowboy language here and your story is entertaining here Jim, a fun read, love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2024
