Schmekel and Clekel McGee
A funny poem72 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Poor Freckle apparently, never got a bone. Seems like the trio knew how to each have their fun but didn't ask their dog about what his preferences were. Good rhymes every other line.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2024
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Poor Freckle apparently, never got a bone. Seems like the trio knew how to each have their fun but didn't ask their dog about what his preferences were. Good rhymes every other line.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2024
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LOL! Well, thank you Lyenochka. I really appreciate your review!
Comment from Erik Rosales
Love the rhyme scheme and very fun. Feels lighthearted and summery, I definitely know a few people in my life who fit these characters to a T, very relatable. Love the imagery too, all around a fun poem.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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Love the rhyme scheme and very fun. Feels lighthearted and summery, I definitely know a few people in my life who fit these characters to a T, very relatable. Love the imagery too, all around a fun poem.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you Erik for your kind review. I really appreciate that!
Comment from SimianSavant
Notes from the top:
I think the image would be more compelling if you removed the white background and made it transparent. I use the website remove.bg for this, and it is quite easy to use.
I think your poem would be funnier if it was not advertised as being funny. Humor requires a certain element of surprise. For example, if your first line said:
This is a SERIOUS poem you see
And this sets you up for a triplet cadence, which I suggest continuing, perhaps something like this:
about Schmekel and Clekel McGee,
who with their dog Freckle
they bought for a shekel
arrived at a trio of three
I would also use this cadence to talk about an ongoing progression of events, rather than a general thing they sometimes did. For example, your stanza 3 could go something like:
on the third of September
they went to the fair
Freckle got candy floss stuck in his hair
Cleckle ate cobbler and burped up some air
Schmekel went schizo and ate a stuffed bear
This is just an example to show both meter and specific actions. Each of these lines has four beats in triplets, with two clicks at the end of each line for the reader to take a breath.
Hope this is helpful to you. Thanks for the read,
🦍
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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Notes from the top:
I think the image would be more compelling if you removed the white background and made it transparent. I use the website remove.bg for this, and it is quite easy to use.
I think your poem would be funnier if it was not advertised as being funny. Humor requires a certain element of surprise. For example, if your first line said:
This is a SERIOUS poem you see
And this sets you up for a triplet cadence, which I suggest continuing, perhaps something like this:
about Schmekel and Clekel McGee,
who with their dog Freckle
they bought for a shekel
arrived at a trio of three
I would also use this cadence to talk about an ongoing progression of events, rather than a general thing they sometimes did. For example, your stanza 3 could go something like:
on the third of September
they went to the fair
Freckle got candy floss stuck in his hair
Cleckle ate cobbler and burped up some air
Schmekel went schizo and ate a stuffed bear
This is just an example to show both meter and specific actions. Each of these lines has four beats in triplets, with two clicks at the end of each line for the reader to take a breath.
Hope this is helpful to you. Thanks for the read,
🦍
Comment Written 28-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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LOL! Simian you are hilarious! I wish I would have thought of that! That is really good. Thank you for the great review. I really appreciate that!
Comment from Laurie Holding
This is adorable. It's whimsical and nonsensical, which is such a breath of fresh air these days with so many writing political pieces and/or moral compass-type pieces. Good for you for just having some fun. PS I know a dog named Freckle(s) myself!
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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This is adorable. It's whimsical and nonsensical, which is such a breath of fresh air these days with so many writing political pieces and/or moral compass-type pieces. Good for you for just having some fun. PS I know a dog named Freckle(s) myself!
Comment Written 27-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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LOL! Well, thank you Laurie. I hope it made you laugh. If so, then I have succeeded!
Comment from godlucifer
having fun and hanging out with their dog. the best of friends and the best of hanging out with their dog. your poem was written with a specialty. thanks for the read.
truly
godlucifer
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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having fun and hanging out with their dog. the best of friends and the best of hanging out with their dog. your poem was written with a specialty. thanks for the read.
truly
godlucifer
Comment Written 27-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you godlucifer! I really appreciate your review!
Comment from Mia Twysted
You seem to like the short lines in your pieces. Again, it gives a short tempered pace that carries the reader along. It was a bit silly which I think gave it a little something extra.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2024
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You seem to like the short lines in your pieces. Again, it gives a short tempered pace that carries the reader along. It was a bit silly which I think gave it a little something extra.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2024
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LOL! I know right? It is supposed to be funny! Thank you Mia for your review. I really appreciate that.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Harry,
What I really liked about this poem is the light-heartedness and humour... and whilst the rhyming is good, the meter is a little off, so I do believe with the proper rhythm and meter, this poem would have been elevated to an even higher standard.
Keep writing, keep reading and reviewing the great poets on site. See and read how and what they do and never be afraid to ask...'How can I improve my craft."
Well done Harry, it was an enjoyable read.
With our thoughts we create...
the simplicities of life.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2024
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Hi Harry,
What I really liked about this poem is the light-heartedness and humour... and whilst the rhyming is good, the meter is a little off, so I do believe with the proper rhythm and meter, this poem would have been elevated to an even higher standard.
Keep writing, keep reading and reviewing the great poets on site. See and read how and what they do and never be afraid to ask...'How can I improve my craft."
Well done Harry, it was an enjoyable read.
With our thoughts we create...
the simplicities of life.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2024
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Well, thank you James for your kind words and your review. I really appreciate that!
Comment from jake cosmos aller
nice humorous poem about two friends hanging out at the county fair with their faithful dog by their side. The dog is amused by the antics of the humans perhaps thinking "those humans"
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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nice humorous poem about two friends hanging out at the county fair with their faithful dog by their side. The dog is amused by the antics of the humans perhaps thinking "those humans"
Comment Written 26-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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LOL! Yes, Jake that is kind of what I had in mind. Thank you for your great review. I really appreciate that!
Comment from papa55mike
It's nice to read a light-hearted post on Fanstory. I love the seeing through the dog's eyes. What a wonderfully written poem. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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It's nice to read a light-hearted post on Fanstory. I love the seeing through the dog's eyes. What a wonderfully written poem. Best of luck with your writing!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 26-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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Thank you again. Papamike.
Comment from jaded831
You made me laugh with this poem. These days we need all the fun we can get. I like your style light and easy to read. I know we are supposed add a negative, but your poem is flawless. Great job.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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You made me laugh with this poem. These days we need all the fun we can get. I like your style light and easy to read. I know we are supposed add a negative, but your poem is flawless. Great job.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2024
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LOL! Well, thank you jaded831. Then if I have made you laugh - I have succeeded! Thank you for your kind words and your review. I really appreciate that!
